My 2 sisters and I are concerned as my 3 sister has moved a boyfriend and his son into my 80 year old mom's home. My mom is feeding/cleaning up after them. She is on limited income, and depleting her savings to care for them all. We also fear them stealing from her as they don't work, nor have they been known to my sister for a length of time. It's a 'new' boyfriend she 'loves'.
My mom is easily swayed, though not senile in anyway, but she doesn't know how to get them to leave, nor does she want to upset her daughter (one who moved them in).
We're hoping to talk her into appointing her other 3 daughters (of which I'm one) a special power of attorney. We'd like to be able to start eviction proceedings if these men won't leave. They're talking of staying. :( They're taking advantage of an older woman at the least, and the possibility of stealing from her is huge.
Is something like this possible? 2 of my sisters live in different states, I live in Pa near my mom. My 4th sister will oppose this for sure, she likes living off my mom. :( We figure if 3 must agree it'll be a check and balance that may make mom feel safer.
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If she wants it done, but wants to pretend it wasn't her decision, maybe the POA is a good front to put on it.
If she isn't willing to go through with it, be aware the POA does not give you the authority to act against her wishes while she is still competent to make her own decisions.
There is really no way you can save Mom from this situation if she does not want to be saved.
POA, Medical Proxy, Advanced Health Care Directive, and an up-to-date will are still wonderful things to get in place while Mom is still fully able to make her own decisions.
Getting the freeloaders out of the house will take Mom's cooperation, however you approach it.
I just know she needs us in her corner right now. A POA was my only thought. If there's any other way to encourage freeloaders to leave, I'd love to hear it. One is starting a job and supposedly going to be paying her a small amount to help with the food she's making them.
I just want my mom to have her own home back again.
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I don't know if the word is swayed, exploited or what (maybe you can help me), but my sister knew something was wrong with my mom's mind yet allowed my mom to use half of her savings to buy 2 brand new cars for the two grandchildren. My mom offered to also buy me a car but I said no, you need your money mom; you don't know how or why but you may need it. Sure enough we needed caregivers here at my house for mom and we ran out of money so she had to go to a nursing home. I hate my sister for this; when i went to go check on mom's hernia BIL saw me and mom in the bank (I always went to the bank with mom when I visited); he reported his sighting to my sister (I found out when she started yelling at me) and when i called my sister she started yelling that i snuck into town to steal mom's money!!!!! OMG. Sister hasn't talked to us since.
You can appoint joint Power of Attorney's but make sure it is in the best interest for everyone in you family, even the joint POA's. Here are two articles that might give you better insight to the POA and Guardianship processes.
The Difference Between a POA, Durable POA and Living Will
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/difference-between-POA-durable-power-of-attorney-living-will-140435.htm
How to Get Guardianship of an Elderly Parent
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-get-guardianship-of-elderly-parents-140693.htm
Best of Luck. Let us know how it goes.
Karie H.
AgingCare.com Team
I urge you not to have her set up joint POA, though. One person needs to be in charge. Down the road, decisions might need to be made quickly, and management by committee is never quick! Requiring 3 of you to agree on everything may be more an obstacle than a check-and-balance measure.
Will the sister who lives with Mom stay if her boyfriend is evicted?
If Mom is easily swayed, could the sister who lives with her talk her into naming that sister as POA?
While a simple POA can often be done as a do-it-yourself document, in this case, where there is family conflict, I suggest seeing an attorney who specializes in elder law. Your mother can have a will updated or drawn up and an advanced health care directive done along with the POA.
Good luck!