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Dancin12 Asked August 2012

How do I get my dad to stop hating the idea of moving to an assisted living facility?

they moved in with me in May..it was supposed to be a temporary solution to a huge financial crisis combined with the added difficulties of my moms progressing alzheimers/dimentia. because of finances are very limited to what they can afford. Plus my moms condition is worsening. but now, they are comfortable and i think my dad wants to stay forever. problem is, i don't want them to. i don't mind them here but i don't want to live with them indefinitely. I don't have a separate entrance, kitchen or apartment as i live in a 2 floor apartment to begin with, with my husband and children. so we really share space, I don't want to hurt my dad at all or make him feel alone. and so far weve been getting along fine so it's not a question of that. Assisted living with nursing facilities on campus seem like the best option going forward to get the best care..I just don't know how to get my dad to stop thinking it's the most "extreme" thing to do "to" him and my mom.

NancyH Aug 2012
dancin12, since your original question was, how do I get my dad to stop hating the idea of asst. living. You may as well forget that you're EVER going to get him to LIKE the idea. Instead, what you should be focusing on is, getting them to move. Forget the part of helping him 'like' the idea, not gonna happen, but then again it's not necessary that he loves the idea really. Talk to your husband and ask him to back you up. Then the TWO of you sit your dad down and talk to him. Remind him that the original idea was that he and your mom would stay at your house TEMPORARILY. Get him to remember that first, then tell him it's time for that to happen. If I were you, I'd make sure my husband didn't mind being the 'bad guy' if necessary. If you waiver, he'll be there to shore you up. Before you confront dad, make sure that you've already narrowed the field down on asst. living places. Maybe even setting up a visit there once you tell dad, you and your husband's decision.

jeannegibbs Aug 2012
Can they afford the assisted living place you have in mind? I guess that is the first hurdle to get over. What will there assets and income support? I don't know what the huge financial crisis was. Maybe this isn't an issue.

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