I'm 21 years old and I've been involved with care giving for those with illnesses of all kinds through out the duration of my entire childhood, teen years and now my beginning adult life. I have witnessed the inevitable and hard lessons early on and though I try to be resilient through it all while holding on to what little I have to make me happy, life seems to never give me a break. I haven't been allowed to live a normal life. It started with my grandmothers kids and her father. My uncle (her son, psorisis, congestive heart failure), my great grandfather (her father, alzheimers) and last but not least, my mother (depression, pills, physical issues that I would assume were mostly mental along with pill abuse). They're all dead now. I've witnessed each one of them pass and so has my grandmother and while I've tried to juggle leading a normal life, helping her and getting somewhere to progress I find myself stuck in a stand still. I've had my own bouts of depression, dealing with trauma, being a social outcast due to those who are impatient with me and unable to understand. It's often maddening. I have no friends, but I have a loving boyfriend and two dogs that keep me going through all of this. My grandmothers illnesses are always changing. It all began with pills after her son passed away in 1998. I was 8 years old. His death hit me the hardest as he was more of a father to me then my own. With pills, she developed a liver condition which had plagued her for years though mysteriously it goes away and comes back. I feel like she needs her illnesses to feel special. Guilt is her game. That or she's just been wanting to die for years.
My mother also had to battle pills and deal with my grandmother, I seem to mirror her life without the pills. I won't even take a tylenol unless I feel like I'm going to die because I vividly remember flushing bottles of percecets and oxy cottons down the toilet because they were being abused when I was 12. I was 13 (2003) when my mother died via overdose. The image of it all sticks but I've learned to cope with it.
Nobody wants to lift a finger to do what is needed to put her into a nursing home (she's on old age pension) and I'm literally stuck because due to my own depression during my teens I dropped out of high school after turning 18 and I've been behind the rest of my age group ever since. I'm obviously still depressed. I have no job, no means to find a job and no money. I can't even go and get financial assistance because of where I live in town. It's far from any resources that I need.
Doctors don't help. They worsen things with added pills or taking pills away.
Her last living son is the only reason anybody in this house has a roof over our head. Money's tight. The house is falling apart and it's gloomy and dirty.
Nobody calls. Nobody visits. Nobody really sincerely cares. I hate it.
She's two faced all of the time and will talk baddly about me to anybody she can when she can. At this rate I won't even be able to go to her funeral nor do I even want to.
My younger brother who is 17 recently moved in because our father kicked him out. My father only cares about the women he's dating and being 20 years old every day of his life. He never has time. I've had a falling out with him which is nothing new.
He's into the party scene, drugs, drinking. He's had a history for being a thief. For some reason, my grandma favours him and he's done nothing for her and he's lazy. I've cleaned this disgusting house from top to bottom, fixed her meals, organized visiting nurses who only maintain her hygeine but it's better then nothing. Now that she keeps attacking me, I've stopped caring as much. And she still expects me to even after she shows me not even an ounce of love or care and takes advantage of everybody living in this house. And I'm sick of being everybodies door mat. I want peace. I want to live my life. But I can't. And I feel like things are just going to keep getting worse.
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If he's helping you, then great! Is he also helping you with grandma? It would be nice if he's with you when it comes to granny. Does he back you up (when she's mean to you)?
If you want to stop caring for grandma - which you should have no shame admitting it, then listen to kellyd when she told you to go the site "Two years ago my mother moved in" Just type these exact words on the top right of this page in the box that has the words: Search Site. Please read it. It didn't apply to me but I did benefit from a lot of advice given to Survived2. You take care! HUGS to you!!!
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If grandma is getting social security income then she is probably on medicare. you call medicare and see what help they can offer. I do know that they will pay you or one of their caregivers for taking care of your grandma. I believe they have many more services also available. Please keep us informed. I think the main focus right now is getting help for you and your grandma. Is there a nearby church that would come over and sit with grandma or bring food or religious services to your home (should you want that)
I'm so sorry to hear about your current situation. I agree with the feedback and recommendations from the previous posters. I recently helped a friend get his GED. This link provides a step-by-step process in order to obtain a GED.
We used this particular site a lot when studying for the exam. Once you sign-up, you will have access to videos and classroom instruction for free.
You are too young to be caregiving. You need to first put your life in order before you consider taking care of others. Your story is very similar to mine, but different in a major way -- I'm 60 and have some retirement; you're 21 and have to make your way in the world. So choose what you want and go for it. And if you don't feel like it, then make yourself do it anyway. One of my favorite sayings is "Feel the fear and do it anyway." I guess we could also say, "Feel the depression and do it anyway." Nothing fights depression better than light and action (unless you're so low that you need chemical help first).
You are NOT responsible for caring for your grandmother (or your brother). You are entitled to a life of your own. Begin thinking about what you would do if you had that chance.