Let me start by saying I love my mother, truly. She is full of love and kindness. At the same time, she was overpowering, possesive, and didnt understand mother/daughter boundaries.
My mother is bi-polar depressive, overweight, diabetic, and cannot walk (she fell into a diabetic coma, and never followed up with her therapy to regain muscle mass). I have, over the years, been her caretaker, her grocery shopper, the one who spoke at her doctor's appointments, her cheerleader, and her admonisher when she did not take care of herself. Unfortuantely, she didnt always listen to my advice, and there was only so much you can do to help someone who doesnt seem to want to help themselves.
To make a long story short, I live and work in London, England, and my mother has been in a care home for the past year and a half, after she lost the ability to walk and to clean/dress herself. A dear family friend has had joint power of attorney with my while I was studying and working in England, but unfortunately she is no longer able to assist. At the same time, my mother is losing some of her mental faculties, and I am not sure how much longer she will be able to remain in the board and care home - she is currently in a nursing home for psychiatric evaluation.
This brings me to my question. My partner and I are doing everything we can to secure a move back to California, but we can't realistically afford to do so until one of us at least has the promise of work there - I would be no good to my mother if I couldn't properly take care of myself! It will probably take another 6-8 months to arrange the move - we are doing everything possible.
I am an only child, and my mother has no other family. She has also alienated most of her friends. I am frustrated with her (she is only 65 and has taken no care of her self!), but I also love her immensley. The resulting guilt is horrible.
Are there any provisions set up to appoint someone else to be power of attorney while I am still living out of the country? It would be temporary obviously, as I am moving back. Surely there must be similar cases, or some advice on a similar situation? Any advice you could give would most appreciated.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart
confused daughter.
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If Calondon's Mom is able she could still do this, if she is not mentally able there is a "special needs" trust that might be the answer. Best to check with fiduciary and attorney. It makes it tough when there is no family (but honestly I would not trust our families to handle our finances - at least fiduciary is licensed and bonded . Also, fiduciary won't be MIA as your sibs seem to be.
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this. Sounds like it might be a good fit. Because I am an only child (mother's much older nd in another state) and hardly know (much less would I trust) rest of family - and would not burden (or trust) a friend with this responsibility - I have a PFAC member as the successor trustee on my trust and she also has POA. She can handle financials, but you will still have to arrange method of care (NH, assisted living, in home care, etc.)
One word of caution though, I'm in Illinois, and had just had these forms done, signed, notarized and witnessed just this last weekend, so this is fresh in my mind. BUT, I'm not sure what, if anything, is different in California.
I'm wondering if you'd be able to contact a local council on aging or something of that order in CA to see if they can offer any suggestions.
Not an easy situation, and I wish you all of the best.