When she was younger, she did most all the things those without medication or diagnosis would do; mischievous, stole things, killed the neighbors dog, burned down 2, possibly 3 houses, that I'm aware of, had an affair, etc. She suffers from severe paranoia and bipolar, has no friends. Meaner than a snake. If she has to wait on anything, she will yell out in public about it and tell them "I'm never coming back to this damned place again!" even doctors offices. She meets people that she doesn't know at the door with a double barrel shotgun in hand.
Her symptoms surfaced very badly right after I was born. My father took her son and me to live with separate grandparents. She wound up in the state mental institution for about 3 months in 1961. Placed on such med's as phenobarbital, it made no difference in her personality except to exacerbate the situation. She got her son back; I remained with fathers parents until I was 4 1/2 and only came home then because my grandfather died at age 54 and my grandmother had to go to work.
She lived with me so many times, I can't begin to count them all. When I was 21 she went off the deep end in a multitude of ways! I finally got her to see a doctor and he told her she could admit herself to the state mental institution or he would have a judge sign the orders! She was there 2 weeks, but no diagnosis.
She tired living alone and with her son, but has never been responsible with money, so she always had to move on to somewhere else; mostly back to me.
After convincing her to see a psychiatrist again (she was very depressed), he asked her to check herself into the local mental institution, after 3 months there and trying multiple medications, she was diagnosed Bipolar w/ a possible borderline personality disorder and severe paranoia.
She now lives in my fathers home (ex husband) after her husband died, her mobile home burned to the ground 2 months later, she couldn't stand living with me or her son and my father (a retired truck driver now) told her she could always stay and take care of his place.
I am now the full time caregiver for a father I barely know (he was gone for over 46 years) and is dying a slow death of multiple medical problems.
After a recent visit to see her, and father to visit his home, there were multiple mental explosions! She never wants to see or talk to me and my husband again or my father.
I have no idea what to do with her. She cannot handle the old house and 7 acres alone much longer. Her SS is gone before you know no it. My father pays the electricity, that I had placed in my name, home insurance and cable bill. I got her a cell phone yrs ago. I pay this bill and she sends me money for the home phone bill. She gets almost $1700 a month between SS and a small check from her deceased husbands pension. It's gone and she's over drawn every month!
She needs to be placed somewhere else as she doesn't take her medication properly and her condition is continually worsening. She would never sign a full POA and I really don't know what can be done. She lives way out in the country and drives her other family members nuts by calling them all day, time after time!
Is there anything that can be done. I worked with advocacy for many years before I retired to take care of family members, but I have never dealt with a situation like this.
She is armed and dangerous! The things that she has done would make a Stephen King novel look mild! Her passed these wonderful genes along to her son, of whom has done worse things than she has. I had to divorce him from my life!
I fear that she will burn down my father's home, without hesitation if told to leave.
I just don't know where to turn to. Is there a professional person that can help me, help her?
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I am at one advantage; my mother lives about 4 hours from me. It's really amazing how much one women can do to so many people and live in the middle of no where, by just using a phone!
We've seen each other about 6 or so times in the past year, but each time, I can see how much worse she is than the time before. On the phone she can sound completely normal and then in a twinkling of an eye, her mind will do a complete 180 and the other side will show! It's like Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome or something out of the 3 Faces of Eve or Sybille. No, she doesn't have a split personality, but she has her fairly nice side and then her very wicked side. Perhaps having her live so far away is not a bad thing.
She is a human being that is very ill and I want to make certain that she has the best care available, when the time comes. I just need to let the proper authorities know, so that don't send anyone there that doesn't know anything about mental illnesses.
As I said, I do believe I've found the people that can assist when the time comes, now I just have to sit down (when I have some time away from being my father's full time caregiver) to put the pieces of the puzzle together so that all falls in place when it becomes necessary.
I hope to be talking to Elderly law attorney group in the next 2 weeks.
Thanks for the hug,
S.
Anyway, you are sincerely in my prayers. I do pray you will have resolution in your efforts with NAMI, above, and that you will be safe and be able to somehow care for your own self. XX00
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I know that drugs get a bad rap on this site often, but I think if only we could ensure that the seriously mentally ill took their medications (and saw their doctors on a regular schedule so the dosage could be adjusted) a great deal of very bad outcomes could be prevented.
A dear childhood friend of one of my children manages fine on medications, but when he decides he doesn't need them he winds up in jail or a mental hospital. And as you say, once he is stabilized on drugs they release him. So very, very sad. I'd hate to see him locked up for life, because he can have a quality life independently if he continues to see his therapist and takes his drugs.
I surely do not know what the solution is for our mentally ill population. But I think I have glimmer of understanding of how hard it is on their loved ones. Hugs to you!
I would like to learn more about getting a file with the local senior agencies that you reference. I'm in similar situation although my mother doesn't have mental illness -- but does have dementia and start of Alzheimers.
I'm in similar boat to mammogins -- mother refuses help; wouldn't let outsiders in; won't allow meals on wheels and doesn't talk to anyone on the phone -- she never calls me and if I call her it can take days for her to answer. I've called in police to check in on her a couple times; every time she is coherent and seems fine so they let her be. We've been to dr and they are monitoring -- but now she won't go back for follow up visits and they don't think she is mentally incompetent enough to force anything. I have not gone to attorneys as she can take care of herself at times. She really wants "life to be over" and everyone out of her business. I've just kind of laid off for a few weeks now and haven't called since the police visited her (3 wks) and she got her phone fixed. I guess I'm waiting her out at this point. I don't know which way to go either -- get her help "That I want her to have to be safe and healthy, social" or let her be and do "what she wants to do -- which is be left alone". I found pushing her leads to same as mammogins -- agitated, combative and potentially unsafe for anyone who tries to come in and help -- family or otherwise. Sorry mammogins; no help from my side but I would take advice of "alwayslearning". Think of yourself first and make sure you aren't in the financial/liability fray. Looks like you will have to wait for "precipating event" that lands her in hospital and psych eval and they will take from there.
You are absolutely correct about the Baker Act, but my fear is that she will burn this house down too or something crazy. With both of her diagnoses (Bipolar and antisocial personality disorder), she is like a lit stick of dynamite, just waiting to go off. The slightest thing can tilt her in the wrong direction! As far as having her committed (knowing she can't make proper decisions on her own), she'll take her medicine as directed and after a while they will let her go; then she'll back off like she always does and the same scenario will start all over again. I've been down this road with her 3 times, and each time the situation only got worse. They can't hold someone that is technically "well." Thanks for the advice!
Now... it sounds like at a certain point she's going to commit some visible crimes and be caught. At that point, the state will step in; she'll be prosecuted and probably end up in an institution involuntarily. That may not necessarily be a bad thing. Wrap your brain around this. She severely disordered and needs help; she won't get it for herself and you can't make her get it. That may be the only way her very sad story ends in a place where she's got any kind of care.
I appreciate your response......anyone's response! Perhaps you didn't read the entire question and story that went along with my question. My mother is "TOTALLY" anti-social and honestly, if I ever sent anyone out to her home, she would meet them at the door with a shotgun and run the off! She's been on meds for years, seen doctors and had them updated, but refuses to follow any doctors orders or take her medication properly. According to "her," she knows best and that's all that matters. She is truly plagued by her disability. I thank you for the link and will check it out.
Wishing you the best,
S.
I am sorry that you are dealing with this right now. You can try home care they are a great resources for those living independently. I am not sure about her personality disorders. The home care staff should be able to care for her with those issues but it is a tough issue. Maybe some medicine for the bipolar or paranoia?
Wish I could help more. If you are interested in home care click the following link and fill in you information.
https://www.agingcare.com/Home-Care
Best of Luck.