My mother in law is 91 and has developed Alzheimers in the last year and a half. My brother in law has been living with her for the past 2 years and taking care of her; however, he recently underwent surgery for throat cancer and is temporarily unable to care for her. Since my husband and I both work full time, we had no choice but to put her in a nursing home, planning on a one to two month stay. She has been there three weeks and we have been called at least a dozen times, demanding that one of us come out there and stay with her because they "can't handle" her and don't have the staff to do "one on one" with her. By "can't handle her", they mean that she won't stay sitting in a wheelchair or laying in her bed; she wants to get up and move around and they are afraid she'll fall. Whenever we go out there after one of these calls, we find that she is agitated and wanting to walk around and talking about wanting to go home. My husband usually gets her walker and walks her around the halls for 30-40 minutes and that seems to calm her down.
I realize that nursing homes aren't staffed to give one on one attention to each individual, but we can't keep going like this. With working full time, we aren't able to take care of her ourselves, which is why we had to go with a nursing home to start with. (We've had to use sick time and vacation days to cover time off from work with the nursing home has called us to come in.) Shouldn't the staff be prepared to handle this, or are we just expecting too much?
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Sixth, Take things for her to use her hands with. Tie things to her wheel chair, walker, shirt, etc. So this way she cannot drop it, but will have something to fiddle with. Go to Toys R Us to the area of educational toys, the wooden ones. Tie a small purse or container to her with several of these toy in there so she can get to them. Also take her to the mall or such, let her pick out a stuffed toy, super soft so she can have it with her always. And make them keep it with her. VISIT OFTEN, CHECK EVERYTHING!!! Her closet, her med chart, her doctor visits, her bathroom, her sheets. Be with her at meals when you can. Take her OUTDOORS!!! Believe me , I know.
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Then she had stayed for 3 months in a locked in unit (wandering issues) with all sorts of seniors with different mental health issues. A strict routine and diet and schedule and carefully watching her meds and effects of meds and behavior monitored closely. Mom became so stable that when she was finally admitted to reside in a NH she fooled the NH into thinking she was perfectly fine. The social worker called me and said why is your Mom here??? I said "What?" "Really?" Then she said I know your the contact but who are you to her? I said "I am her daughter?!" She then says "she said she doesn't have any children." I Laughed, and said, "now you understand why she's there?"
I am telling you all this for many reasons:
I had to figure this out myself....
No one knows a parent better than a child, you know what makes them sad, you know what makes them mad, happy, likes, dislikes, comforts them, etc.
.There is an epidemic of dementia and I don't think that everyone that works in a NH is not educated to deal with this as in a single position (according to their job).
(Another words, Would you o to foot Dr to treat an Eye problem?)
There are LPN's they administer meds (by Dr's request according to LPN's daily log) There should be a RN "Head Nurse" if there are issues with meds or Dr's or problems medically.
There are aids who dress, bathe, clean room, basic daily needs. They really know what the resident's personality is even how they feel and act on a regular basis. The aids spend the most quality time. Nurturing and caring, they know what comforts the resident. I feel they should get paid the most.
There should be Activities Professionals and Director of Activities. They also spend quality happy time with the residence. Music, singing games, exercise, etc.
Social Workers do paperwork, complaints, request from family address problems, or direct you to the issues and what to do about them.
Administration.... handles issues that you really trouble you with the staff, billing etc.
What I am trying to say is if you were in the hospital and said I am cold can I need a blanket to a nurse she would understand your request and see that you got what you need. Someone with dementia needs a person to translate their needs, and the responsible party needs to see that these request are dealt with because they are not understood and don't know how to ask or who to ask, in a way that is can't comprehend. They can't speak for themselves, in a sense.
When a person with dementia has change of location, scenery, routine, it's like living in a place completely unfamiliar. Just Imagine If you fell asleep and woke up in a place where you knew nobody's face and nothing around you looks familiar. Then you see a face that you recognize, wouldn't you ask to go to a place you feel comfortable.? It's like Dorthy in OZ ...NO PLACE LIKE HOME!
You have to talk about happy memories, bring things that they recall and that are familiar. Talk to them as if they are right no matter what...no anger or sadness.. just happy, they relate to emotions and expressions.
I hope this all helps.
Now my Mom's dementia has progressed, she has very little self control. Up and down, back and forth falling, constantly asking for this or that, for me and forgets she just had what she asked for, then gets angry, anxious and repeat the cycle. Mom is now on Hospice care, just to give her me and the NH extra help. She gets all of her meds, same services, and more one on one attention. Its still rough at times but the extra help, has helped.
If they continue saying they can't handle your loved one, perhaps she does need a different facility.
I wish you all better. Some people think a NH is the easy way out, it's still work!!!
I know it's a pain to go over there every day. But it sure beats a 3 am phone call.
I used to work in sales at a senior community and was often amazed by some of the adult children's reactions to the cost of care. For some, you could tell that they considered every penny spent on care to be a bite out of their inheritance. Others have a "spare no expense", "it's mom's money" sort of attitude. For most, it's somewhere in between. The ones who always befuddled me though, were those who just think it should be "free". The parent has the money; a house, a retirement account or pension, Social Security, etc. They just think that high-quality, 24 hour care personal care is something that one shouldn't have to pay for. I would often hear statements like "I can't believe we have to spend her money on THIS." I remember one daughter actually saying that it was a disgrace, in a country like ours, that families have to pay for nursing care. I don't know what she meant by that, but it sure made me curious about how she votes : )
Having said that (or ranted that, I should say), I agree that for whatever a facility charges per month, they should provide high quality care.
My mom was admitted to hospital doe UTI and diahrreah. They called me in the evening late and wanted me to sit with her for the night because she was upset
I had to be home cleaning the white carpet of crap all over the place. It took hours. I refused to go. I asked them if I stayed there were they still going to charge her and they said yes. They said they would have to get some "sitter" for her. I told them I was up to my neck in poop and had to get it cleaned up before she could come home. I called 15 minutes later and she was sound asleep. But they called dirst thing in the morning and told me to come and get her thankfully her carpet was clean although still wet. It must be on her record because they will not admit her anymore. She has fallen, UTIs (which they admitted, but never treated her), severe back pain, etc. Doc keeps saying she is old and will keep getting "chinks" in her armor.
These places charge an arm and a leg, but don't hire the staff to take care of these patients. Someone is pocketing the money.