Has anyone's doctor ever recommended surgery but you say you can't because you have to take care of your relative?

Yes. This does happen. Caregivers often put off their own health care because they don't see any way they can take the time away from their care receiver. Please find some way to have the needed surgery, whether it means putting your loved one in a care facility temporarily or finding family and friends to fill in for you. Aside from the fact that you owe it to yourself to do this, you also must remember that if you don't take care of yourself, you may not be around to take care of the person you are helping. This is a time that self-care benefits you and your care receiver. Good luck,
Carol

This same thing happened to me. I had to put my mom in a nursing facility for 3 weeks until I got better. There was no way I could have taken care of her. Some states ike NJ have help financially for this situation. I would check into your state and insurance benefits. Godd luck