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Caring4 Asked September 2012

Help for frustrated parent.

My father who is in denial over my mother having Alzheimers is taking it out on her from time to time. I need to know what legal steps to take as he does have power of attorney. What is the best step to take. I live in the house and I work a full-time job. My mother goes to Adult Day Care Monday thru Friday. My father works maybe twelve hours a week.

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF Sep 2012
It's going to be hard to do anything legally unless he becomes abusive. You may want to document his behavior if your believe it could become worse.
Do you have any siblings who can help you convince him to see a doctor to guide him through accepting that she has AD? Not every spouse is a good caregiver, even when they accept the disease. But acceptance can help.
Good luck,
Carol

jeannegibbs Sep 2012
Wow. Caring for a person with dementia is very challenging even when you know what to expect of the disease. Caring for them without accepting that they have this disease seems to me to be a set up for failure.

If you can possibly get him to discuss this with Mom's doctor, as Carol says, I think that would be a very positive thing.

Good luck!

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Caring4 Sep 2012
Thanks Carol for your expert advice. There has been some tapping on the arm, which I do not think will get any worse. Noted in my head, but will start documenting.
We have asked other family members to step in and speak with him. If he knows it is okay to have a caregiver in the house or use a nursing home and that the family will not blame. That it would be in her best interest.

Caring4

Caring4 Sep 2012
It has been over ten years. Most days we are fine. Still prayerful that it will get better. And, we will continue our discussions with him and the doctor.

Thanks jeannegibbs.

Caring4

jeannegibbs Sep 2012
Over a decade I expect that the dementia has gotten worse and harder to deal with. What has been fine with Dad's behavior may be getting no-so-fine.

Does he get plenty of respite? Does he bowl or golf or play darts or just hang out at a bar once in a while? As it gets harder and harder to accept and deal with his wife's decline it is probably more important than ever that he maintains some kind of life of his own.

I'm glad that you are encouraging him to accept help.

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