Should I live with one of my children?

Ah! Today AgingCare re-posted the article I was looking for, with two related articles listed at the end. Here's the link: https://www.agingcare.com/News/caregiving-changes-perspective-153271.htm?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=Newsletter%20-%20September%2026,%202012
Thanks to everyone who offered their thoughts and added to the discussion.

I have my own home and am doing well. My son thinks he would perhaps like to live here to help me, when I need it. He is sincere and kind but I know he will need to have his independence so his relationship will not suffer. It would be fine for a few months in emergency but as you have all said it is so good to have the independence and freedom. If I do need help now. I will get someone to live in my extra bedroom and have a clear deal on service and financial exchange that is good for everyone. It is hard for our Adult Children to really know and understand the situations of growing old. Some of what they do not realize is how wonderful it is to have a quiet, peaceful home, how nice it is to enjoy one's own company, to have time to be reflective and perhaps write or paint or just sit and look at a pretty plant. I do appreciate all these things. I also rejoice in time I spend with each of my children and their children. They are each a special, beloved being who I am very grateful to have in my life and whom I will someday have to say goodby to and not see the rest of their life. I think it is so important to appreciate myself also. My eyes are weak but I can still see beauty, My ears do not always understand what someone says but I can ask them to repeat it if I think it is important that I hear what they have said. My body still works pretty well even with false teeth and a plastic hip joint. Just to be alive is such a mysterious happening. Life is unimaginably amazing that it even happens. Bless all of you. You are all the beloved children and the struggling, well meaning, people with love in your hearts.

If you are in good health and able to care for yourself then you should live on your own. If your son has a family he has no idea how another person in his home will affect their home life. I don't care how much you care about each other it will become a burden sooner or later. I am speaking from experience.

It sounds like the lady doesn't want to be moved into any facility, but to an apartment or anywhere by herself. My mom didn't have the funds to do that. Any type of living with other people was out of the question. So the only thing we wish we would of had was long term care insurance. Of course she never had it and never could of afforded it. But that option does allow them to remain in their own home.

Anyone can be placed the adult children will not be paying for a nursing home-it will come from the elder's savings which some families think should not be used for health care but to be left to them-that does not happen theses days unless early planning is done because of the lookback period of 5 years-if the elder has what the government thinks is too much then they go into a nursing home as a paying person and then when they spend down to what they are allowed to have medicaide kicks in so it has nothing to do with what the families can afford-if a person is turned down for medicaide it just means they have to use their own money until they reach what is allowed to have-it is their money that they saved for their care in their old age. Long term insurance is good as long as you get it early many years before you will need it otherwise it will be very expensive to obtain.

I hope everyone with that mindset purchases home healthcare insurance. When you go into that steep decline, maybe your loved ones cannot afford to place you somewhere. It's sad for you and even sadder for them. They have no choice.

To All, Its very hard no matter what your end decision is!! The thread I keep seeing here is "Fore and Against"! We all make the decisions that will (we hope and pray) be right for "OUR" situations, not,.. what others think is right for "OUR" situation! All cirrcumstances are different for each individal family and what might work in one family might not work in another. Support and hugs to all who are taking on this giant task and keep up the good fight! It is the ones who take this on that are the compassionate ones,the ones who found this site to HELP them get through a difficult time. Remember these are the true heros here. And I for one applaude all your efforts that will help out your own situations, and decisions that are very difficult make. HUGS to ALL YOU BRAVE SOLES!

Just reading posts here for 4 years would convince anyone not to live with an adult child maybe next door but there would have to be boundaires-in my area there are senior housing options and if there is a lot of money available AL would be a good option then you would have your own space and become as social as you wish too be.

I would never want to live with one of my sons. Can you say resentment? Every person I have ever spoken with has had that feeling whether they had a good relationship or not. I would find any way possible not to do that.

Donita I think you made a good decision and I do hope you have help with your husband and I hope he al least tries to be nice to you-mine was not and would have been placed if he had not become critical and died 3 days later-if there is a support group for you to be able to join that would help you out.

I have told my children that I don't want to EVER live with them. I am a caregiver for my husband who has MS and can't move much or now swallow food. I wouldn't want my children to be my caregiver. And....my grandmother moved in with my parents and it ruined their marriage. She was "always there". Years ago I had to live with my mother in law and husband (different marriage).....and it drove me nuts. She liked me TOO MUCH. Moved to another town and she followed me there on the weekends. I won't live with one of my sisters. She wants me too but we would end up fighting. I like it this way. We are friends.

If you have any doubts I would say no. It does work for some elders if they are mostly independent and have their own space away from the family but it usually is a mistake and very hard to undo after things fall apart.

Here is a link: https://www.agingcare.com/News/caregivers-cope-with-alzheimers-behaviors-153182.htm?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=Newsletter%20-%20September%2022,%202012

Thanks, Jeanne. I remember seeing that one and it's helpful, too. In fact, I copied it into a Word document and saved it, as I hope to do with the one I'm looking for.

I can't find the article either. I hope a site moderator will help us out.

Here is a good one on a slightly different angle: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/Should-Adult-Children-Try-to-Convince-Mom-and-Dad-to-Move-Close-to-them-133263.htm