Does anyone have a live-in caregiver for their parent with dementia?

When is the best time to set up family meetings to discuss how we can best support Mom and Dad as needed. I'm thinking all the kids and both our parents should be there. Dad tends to get argumentative and one sib helps the folks out with things around the house etc. but for some reason refuses to come to any family gatherings at holidays, birthdays etc. This person is also very argumentative and is "always right".

I don't have live in caregiver. My mom has dementia and wanted to stay in home. To do so she needed 24/7 supv. We have two 12-hr shift CNAs. This is not inexpensive but allows mom to remain in her home at least for awhile. I live long distance but keep in touch with in home service agency and they give me reports. We spent several hours at the outset going thru assessment and what I wanted for mom: daily walks, outings, taking her shopping, library trips, helping her do tasks such as laundry, cooking, etc. under supv -- so mom still has sense of independence when she is lucid. Unfortunately, you can't be sure all of these things are done and have to have trust of those you hired. If in doubt; go see for yourself or ask a trusted neighbor or friend to stop by and see how things are going and report back. Live-ins do need breaks and you will have to work with them to set expectations. I would ensure that there is a written agreement outlining expectations, time off, respite care, hours, visitors, etc.

Hello, this situation sounds illegal. I'm not sure how it works in the US, but in Canada, you apply for Power of Attorney for your parent. I have it for my father in case of his disability, or illness, but not my mother. My dad insisted that the POA I had for him was also for her, even though I said it wasn't. I begged him to give me POA of her too. By the time we went to the lawyer together, my mom's dementia was too far gone for her to give her consent for me to have POA. So great, my dad has it and we can't take any control, even when we saw that he wasn't always making the best choices for her, or giving proper care. KNow though that the resentment in the early stages of AD is really difficult to deal with. The person has moments of lucidity, and the ego is desperately trying to keep control of their life and autonomy. So everyone is seen as the bad guy trying to take their life from them. Its so hard, so awful...and painful for the caregivers. I am so sorry that the situation got so out of hand for you, with the state stepping in.

As for live-in caregivers...in Canada, even if the nanny's live-in, they work an 8 hour day. They have to have days off. The day can be split up, and think it depends on the agency how you work it. out. But advanced Ad patients can never be left alone in the house. My mom put her bathrobe in the microwave and turned it on, the microwave blew up. She put another one in the oven and started a fire. We would find used diapers in the fridge, or neatly folded sweaters in the fridge. She hoarded things. So we had to follow her from room to room, and never let her be alone. It was exhausting. It is imperative that care-givers have respite, we will kill ourselves taking care of our parents/spouses/ etc. I hope that you can work out a workable arrangement. The whole situation sounds so challenging. Warm wishes to you...Leslie

Well she wants to be with family she has not been mad at me in months now. She wants to come to North Carolina and is supposed to be allowed to determine where she want to live but the guardianship did not let her go to court the last time so she could not come and tell the court so. The SFGP did not play fair, the case manage lied under oath. I have three notes my mom wrote that I found the day after court and the case worker did not take them to court nor my mom to keep her money coming in her company pocket. Thanks for the support of care.

I am so sorry that things have turned into such a mess. You did the best you could under the circumstances... and now that your sis is trying to get guardianship I feel things will settle down... and then ya'll will have more direct input to her care and to be her advocate whether she likes you or not.... it is so hard when they won't allow help, and we look like the bad guys .... so prayers for you and your situation and thanks for sharing your story...

I went down to aid my mom with paying insurance on her house in May which she was refusing to pay and hurrican season was in June. She got mad at me for being in her house she only wanted a real nurse taking care of her. My family was told by a neighbor last October that if I didn'sdo something that he was. I made a ton of calls and ended up at elder abuse. I said she was not abused but didn't know where to turn to since I was a state away. They came out twice and said she was fine to take her to a family doctor. She was baker act twice while I was there in May since she was not on drugs the first time and the second time was right after she was baker act the first time. The court felt it was me since she was mad at me I was the one who put the aides in her house I was the one who took her car away from her. It was a a two month period where she was mad at me and so the court gave the guardainship to South Florida Guardainship Program who has not tended to her needs to my or my family satisfaction. My sister is now going to go for guardianship of my mom since they have tanted me as the bad guy.It has been a huge mess for all of us.

Passion, it appears the gaurdian is aware of what is going on... if you feel there needs to be more interaction with the caregivers, let the gaurdian know your concerns.... and may I ask why your mom has a gaurdian? Don't answer if you don't want to.
No two people have the same time line or behaviours with Alz/dementia... do you feel you need to go check on her and see for yourself? Let us know how we can help. hugs

The guardianship has a live-in with her for five days a week a aid for the other time Fri thu Sun. My mom has been know to wander months ago. Meds may be helping. But she sleeps a lot and is up at night. The girl is on her phone out side of the house and walks down the street two blocks away while my mom is in the house I am guessing sleeping. She is in her bedroom a lot most times when I call. So no stimulation is going on. The live-in say she gets 2 hours a day to herself and it is ok for her to walk down the street. She has said my mom is a handful at times. She has put her stuff outside the house wanting her gone but I know the guardianship has know been notified of this. My mom is two years into the dementia. She can not cook for herself or do much than straighten her things as she does most days over and over.

I was a live-in for a lady with Alz. This situation was not the best of the best, but will share the basics... I rested during the day or night, when she did... I had a monitor in my room so I could hear her at all times..I only had 8 hours off a week, and I never left her unattended...
As I said, it was not an ideal situation for me, but the lady needed help and I stepped in to make sure she was taken care of...
Are you asking for yourself as a caregiver or wanting to hire someone ?

What stage dementia? If it is early stage, many people can be left alone for a while. If it is a later stage, they probably need 24/7 supervision. The live-in does need respite, no matter what the stage. If it is a later stage, provisions have to be made for a substitute cg during the time of respite.