What do I do about a 90 year old Grandma that defends and protects her loser son?

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BELL087 Asked September 2012

What do I do about a 90 year old Grandma that defends and protects her loser son?

Hello all, First and foremost I would like to thank each and everyone of you for your advice and stories. Until I found this site I truly thought I was the only one living in this hell. I am 47 years old and have been caring for Grandma well over 25 years (yes years). My uncle (her son) collects money from the county along with all medical for caring for her,she only sees him twice a month or if she has a doctor appt,.( he takes her to every appt.) he has to, he has convinced her doctor he cares for her and he is always requesting more hours,, to get more money from the county. Uncle has drained her accounts and had her sell her stocks, she is penniless except for the social security she gets and on one of his 2 visits , its always around the 3rd of the month when she gets her check, and of course she gives him half. I work full time and get no help from anyone for her care, because he collects that money from the county I can not apply for any other type of assistance for her. I tell her what they are both doing is wrong, and fraud , I then get her screaming cussing and sometimes hitting me. I have no life and no friends, she chases them away. I would just like to get your opinions on this should I turn him in and risk Grandma being prosecuted to. Thank you all in advance.

Frauds & Scams

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score 1 · Answer 1

If she is getting money from the county she no doubt has a case worker assigned. After your plans are definite, contact that person and explain that Grandma's situation is changing. Explain that you have been her evening and weekend caregiver and that you are moving out as of November 1st (or whatever) and you wanted them to be aware that she will be alone in her house. You don't need to bring up the fraud in the use of the money. Your only concern is putting them on notice that you are moving out. What comes to light after that is not your problem.

Now ... go find an apartment!

(Good luck!)

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score 0 · Answer 2

STP thank you and your English is just fine. My spelling and punctuation is horrible, thank goodness for spell check. You as well take care and be good to yourself.

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score 1 · Answer 3

Bell I'm very happy for you that you did find this site . We as the caregivers,almost 100% of us has some questions and VENT to someone !! You are in right place!! I could not offer good advice for anyone b/c my limited English skills but I love to see how is very IMPORTANT Person as caregivers like us are doing! Please take care of yourself first so can do for other ....

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score 0 · Answer 4

Jeannegibbs and STP, Thank you for the advice , as to your questions, no one once to be bothered with her, Uncle or My mother (mother because as with me , she was nasty and mean to her growing up) my uncle is grandmas little prince at 60 years old, never has never will bother him to do anything, he does not work and she thinks that it is ok to let him collect money that I originally set her up for, to help out while I worked 4 years ago. I have 2 full time jobs, my day job and when this job is done I go home to Grandma and start taking care of the mess she has made all day. I have the means to move, I just recently told her last night I was leaving she turned up her hearing ears and pretended not to hear me. Oh yes I have to tell all of you this, she is very angry I have found this site, she knows now she can't bully me anymore and what she is doing to me is wrong.

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score 1 · Answer 5

If I'm you I would report authority, and why you have to take responsible for your grandmother for so long? Every month your grandma shere her small income with her son... Have about you? Do you have income , if you do you should start planning for your futures,you only 47. Tell your uncle that "I AM OUT OF HERE" Good luck.....stp

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score 1 · Answer 6

If he is getting paid, why are you doing the work?

Move out. Get your own life. Visit her once or twice a week or once or twice a month ... whatever moves you.

Let Uncle take responsibility. If you find that he is not being responsible, report the situation to Adult Protection Services.

Of the three people in this scenario, the only one you have control over is you. You really do not need to live in this hell. Move out.

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What do I do about a 90 year old Grandma that defends and protects her loser son?

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