How do I get my sibling to do their equal share of caregiving for our elderly parent?

You and your brother need to have it out. Put your foot down and say look if you want off the hook for weekends, he needs to either work or hire too and it his coming out of his pocket. You have done above and beyond with the 20 hrs a day and you are done. There will be a significant diffrence in inheritance and assets etc. Or it could be totally detrimental if you have to put her in a home. so either help out or get out of the idea that he is going to be any part of anything. You can have papers drawn up to conclude the way it is going to be from now on. You can tell I'm frustrated this evening with the same issues of 20 hours a day. I do get one nite off and it's still not enough some days.

If your brother is taking care of your mother 4 hours a day 5 days a week, then he is doing plenty. You may be doing more, but it is your choice. If the number of hours that you are spending are too much -- and it does sound that way -- perhaps you can hire a professional caregiver for a certain number of hours each week. I do not know your financial situation, but it sounds like there is money that will be left over as an inheritance. Maybe some of that money can be used to make caring for her easier while she is still alive. There are many options out there for help with care.

Face it. Your sibling is not going to do an equal share. If there were a way to make that happen you would have figured it out in the past 14 years.

There are some ways to make the inheritence more equitable. One is to hire a caregiver to handle weekends. This money decreases the inheritence for both of you, but at least both of you have your weekends free.

Or, have personal care agreements drawn up for Mother to pay you each now. Your brother would get a proportinately smaller amount than you would, based on his smaller work contribution. In a way, this is getting part of your inheritence early.

And keep in mind, unless your mother has A LOT of assets, it is very possible that she will use them all up for a final illness. And neither of you will inherit much.