My mother has fallen a lot in the last 3 years. She shattered her leg, broke her elbow and her shoulder all at different times. She lives in an apartment for independent seniors. They do not want her to stay there because of the problems and liability. We are meeting with the doctor tomorrow. He has told us she cannot live alone anymore and he will not discharge her from the nursing home. My mom says she is leaving anyway. She lived with me (her daughter) and my family for a year and hated it. She has lived alone since dad died in 1983. She has moved 5 times since I brought her here where I live. She is very stubborn and gets mad and then we end up moving her again and again. She is her own power of attorney. I am the only child she has left and I was power of attorney, but if I didn't do what she wanted when she wanted she would tell awful stories which led to an investigation of me. At that time I took my name off the power of attorney. I am afraid if the doctor tells her this she will try again to get me in trouble. She has done this several times. She cries every time someone talks to her about this. She said she will not stay. What happens if she refuses. She is a pain sometimes and has hurt me deeply, but she is still my mother and I love her. I don't know that I have the strength to force her and I'm afraid she may just give up and choose to die. She is 88 yrs. old now. I was told she cannot be forced to stay there unless the doctor can prove her incompetent and goes to court. If she chooses to leave, where does she go? She won't stay with me and where she lives now wants to terminate her lease. What do I do? and what rights does she have? I have no employment because I had to quit my last job because she keeps getting hurt. We are struggling to keep our house and I need to get a job, but it is impossible right now. Stress level at an all new high. I don't want my mother to die because she is so unhappy but what else can I do? Where could she go?
14 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
ADVERTISEMENT
The most important thing is to know you've done your best for her each day.
So you see, you are not alone. I have had some of the same problems with mom that you are having. I finally decided, let her do what she wants BUT don't do anything for her. You mom expects to be bailed out when things don't work. You have got to stop moving her and jumping when she says how high.
These types will use you up and spit you out. They are selfish.
Keep her in the nursing home if you can.
I know you love her, but parents of this sort are beyond selfish. I would never dream of inflicting this sort of pain on my girls. Let the doctor keep her in the Nursing Home!!!!!
My heart goes out to you peeweedeb and my condolences for the lost of your mom. I lost my father (35) years ago. But, I don't know what it means to lose
a mom. I know it is very painful. "Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled" both of you
for God never sleeps.
It sounds like she values her independence above all else. including family and her safety.
If I were you, when you meet with the doctor and your mom, play up the aspects of assisted living that actually allow her to be independent: the aid is there for her when she needs it, but she isn't necessarily going to be hovered over, and she doesn't have to go eat in the dining room or go to activities if she doesn't want to.
Most people, from what I hear, resist angrily until they get there, because the imagine it's like prison, but once there, they love it.
Keep her pride intact and don't emphasize that she can't take care of herself. go with the positives. Best wishes.
She can't go back to IL -- they won't have her. The doctor will not discharge her until she has a place with a suitable level of care. That isn't going to be your home. Even if she even if she signs herself out against medical advice, where is she going to go? A hotel?
Maybe the social worker can get her to see that she has to have some kind of practical plan before she leaves, with or without the doctor's blessing.
I am sorry for the stress you are experiencing.
Is thee any home sharing groups in your area? We have one non profit that matches those with homes and needs with those that can help but have no home.
I hope all the participants on this site are making their own plans and realizing the cost/time/worry involved with care giving, POA and Medical decision makers. The stress is unbelievable. Sorry I can't be of more assistance.