My brother recently moved out with his girlfriend. Since he moved out with her it appears that everything to do with taking care of our dad will be left up to me. My dad has a home, which I do live in with him along with my nephew, that is in need of many repairs. My brother is a carpenter by trade, but has not kept up on the maintenance of the home. When he does come to the house he has his girlfriend drop him off and he comes in like we should be excited to see him. I wish I could be more excited. We used to be best friends as well as siblings. Now if he comes over I find myself going over the top asking why he even bothers to show up. He works and is paid good money. We made a "deal". He would go to work, I would take care of dad and he would help pay the bills. Since he has moved out, he has not offered anything to help financially. I hate fighting with him and I hate the anger I feel. His girlfriend owes my dad money and acts like it is no big deal to her. If I bring it up my brother tells me to shut my mouth and we have come close to fist fights!!!! I am too old to fight, but I will be damned if I will welcome her into the home if she cannot even acknowledge the fact she owes the money. My brother's excuse now is that he works hard all day and needs his rest. He won't bring his girlfriend, therefore, he won't come. Then in the end he tells me I am just "Little Miss Perfect" and should just see it from his eyes because I cause problems with him and his girlfriend. Oh well.....I am probably rambling as usual. I thank everyone for the support.....at least I know I am not the only one who tries and still gets kicked in the teeth?????
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How to handle your brother. Stop all complaints. They never work, and you need this to work. Thank him profusely for everything he is doing. How you couldn't do this without his help and support. Tell him how vital his financial contribution is. how the situation needs his protection and support.
Can you stop forcing him to choose between his family and his girlfriend. Be on his side, and he will be there every day. Beam when he comes through the door, thank him, then go and do something for yourself. It worked for me. I went from getting no help to getting 20 hours a week of dependable help from various siblings. I love my therapist
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) In fact I pay for all expenses for 3 of us while iving under my sib's roof. Yet mum can't accept that I should keep up my .connection. with my ex-friends and colleague whilst home caring for her. She gets angry when I speak on the phone with friends and she gets upset when I get onto the internet for a little respite from her. More important to research about her medications treatment etc!!! That's why I feel really 'angry' at times with my sib -whom I used to have huge respect for!! I can't do anything to change her for she has repeatedly declre to the teams of support that she will do what she regards as her 'share' of caring just walk away from mum leave me to hold the 'baby'. Her daughtr is no better, she would come and under the pretex of visiting mum but 'whinging non'stop re her in-laws, works and the young babe of 8months -as if I do not have enough to deal with. I just bear and 'grunt to myself that one day mum will realise the importance of showing affection towards us both (even deep down all the family members are aware that they have not been fair to me.
Hang in there, keep praying let the Lord be the judge((((hug)))) it is not easy' ,carrying the torch'' alone Juliek
Both of my parents have passed now, and I feel proud of what I did to help them. I still treat my siblings like people I know and don't expect things to be as they were, some of them have become friends and some have not, and the anger is pretty much gone. They just can't understand since they haven't been in my shoes. They just thought I was playing the vicitm...etc...
This forum has gave me the support I wish I had from my family, the people here understand the emotional toll caregiving takes on us. It will gave me the strength to deal with my siblings choices.