Brother with power of attorney is mistreating mom. What can I do?

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toninaf Asked October 2012

Brother with power of attorney is mistreating mom. What can I do?

I live a hour and half away from my 84 year old mother. Our family of 8 had a brother living with her since his divorce about 15 years ago. When our dad passed away 12 years ago we made the mistake of putting him in as poa.i've need to find out when i've heard about that brother wanting to hit mother ,because she plops herself on the floor when she doesn't want to do something. He has already gotten close to killing her with morphine he got from hospice. He had been starving her almost a week when everybody got word of her to have gotten last rites given to her by priest. Apparently he couldn't give her anymore morphine because someone was in the room every minute of her 8th day of being starved to death.well after being with her a few hours she spoke to one of my other brothers telling him she didn't want to die and started crying. All of a sudden the poa brother was on the phone with her doc asking him whether he should take her to the er. As soon as he got questioned about why all of a sudden hes calling her dr. He got very defensive and pulled the box with the morphine in it and told everyone all he had to do was give her that and she would be gone. Sorry I made my question so long, but maybe knowing about what hes done and gotten away with before someone can advise. Before i forget his daughter was the witness to his wanting to hit mother. Please advise right away,if possible?

Power of Attorney (POA)

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score 0 · Answer 1

Forgive my response, but I have had experience with people who are being taken care of by one adult child in a family of several. There are two sides, plus the truth. I tend to be cynical!
Firstly, how do you all this is occurring?
Secondly, does your mother have dementia?
I have a friend whose aunts and uncle were not speaking to her. Her mother had told them that the adult daughter never visited, didn't bring a birthday present...you get the gist.
Turns out my friend was there 6 hours a day, 7 days a week. It wasn't malicious, but some failing seniors have issues with remembering when things happened and will create a story for attention. (Geriatrics or pediatrics, the only difference is body mass!)
Now, practical suggestion, whether or not this sibling has POA.
Can you create a schedule and have one sibling at least visit once a day, or arrange to stay a few days at a time to find out what is truly happening?

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score 0 · Answer 2

Contact your county Elder Abuse office; call the District Attorney's office to get direction to the proper authorities if need be.

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score 1 · Answer 3

Yes, call the elder abuse hotline for your state. Personally, if I were in the same situation, I would get someone in there with your Mom right now; not tomorrow; not next week; right now. A lot can happen in 24 hours. It would be wise to keep guard over her until a professional can assess the situation and tell you how to proceed.
You said: "As soon as he got questioned about why all of a sudden hes calling her dr. He got very defensive and pulled the box with the morphine in it and told everyone all he had to do was give her that and she would be gone." In his own words he expressed his intent. Get with the program.

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score 1 · Answer 4

I would recommend reporting your brother to the elderly abuse hotline. I would also have your mother assessed. Is she competent? If she is, she needs to pick another POA. We had a problem with our sister, but since our mother was competent and didn't want "people" to know her daughter was abusing her, she refused to take her off as POA. We spoke to an attorney who said unless she did this our hands were tied. We didn't call the abuse hotline, but in hindsight, we should have.

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score 0 · Answer 5

Call the police, they can take her to a hospital and have her assessed.
Call the police and report the abuse.
Call Social Services and report the abuse and request that someone check her in the home weekly or more.

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score 0 · Answer 6

Oops! Take out the word "Otherwise" in my post above, and substitute the word "Then".

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score 0 · Answer 7

Even if you have to move her in with you GET HER TO A SAFE PLACE. Do it today, not tomorrow or the next day. Otherwise, take the advice of labbydog above and call the Elder Abuse hotline. You can report his abuse of his position of POA at the same time. He gave up his right to be POA the first time he thought of killing her.

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score 2 · Answer 8

This is way too common. Morphine is commonly mis used with the elderly as a way to kill them. Medical professionals do this all the time. It needs to be addressed. We should not just look the other way. It is abuse. No matter how you look at it. Very sad. I worked as a nurse for many years, and morphine was a BIG reason I quit. It is something they use to "euthanize" elderly right under the noses of the families.... all wrapped up in a neat little package called "We are making him/her comfortable." Right. It is euthanasia no matter how you slice it. It is CAUSING death as sure as a bullet could.

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score 3 · Answer 9

On your computer, Google "Elder Abuse Hotline State". Where I typed "State", put in the abbreviation for your mother's state. It will give you a contact number to call to report this abuse. If not that, call the police and report him. You can't wait on this.

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Brother with power of attorney is mistreating mom. What can I do?

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