How can I get my mom to the doctor? She refuses to go.

the sugar up and downs might be a hint to help....but also simple hydration could show some improvement.. My mother is only taking a sip at a time with her meds and then I don't see her drink the rest of the time. I bought a see through TERVIS tumbler with a lid and try and keep it available near wear she is sitting. She sometimes will then drink out of a long term memory habit. The reason hydration is so important besides the medications working at their best IS to avoid the UTIs and fevers plus other harms due to lack of proper chemical/electrolyite balances which definately affect the mental abilities...

Laurie1261, thank you for your advise. I will follow up with with the doctor. Have a blessed day!!!

DandiSandi you are a great daughter for not giving in to her knowing she needs help before a crisis situation. And Yes the first thing is getting her diagnosed. Use psychology..... she won't go to the doctor...will she go anywhere, with anyone at all?
Do she like going to lunch, movies, out for coffee? Is there anyone she does trust a sibling of hers, good friend, a clergy person (religion), hairdresser, anyone?
I ask this because sometimes Mom's tell everyone but their daughters they need help and refuse their daughters help. (I had to get a perfect stranger to give Mom her pills one day because she refused my giving them to her.) but it worked. You get my drift. You may feel deceitful but don't worry about how you get to the goal or what Mom wants it's how can I accomplish what's best for her.Keep her on a "NEED TO KNOW BASIS" I had police at my house at least 2 times a week trying to get her inside.... the officer worked with me, I would hide in the house as she was flirting with him she forgot I even existed then he'd lure her inside then leave and lock the door behind him then she'd turn around and say what are you doing here. Then I told her I would leave her alone if she stayed, I'll go away...then I'd go in another room and she agreed. 5 minutes later she'd call me and say why did you leave me alone in here? aren't we going to eat dinner? or ask me if she could go to bed. All as if all the drama never happened. I had to act according to her moods and memory in's and out's but i learned to use them in my favor. Does she have diabetes high and low sugar levels create confusion in thought process. There are good times of day to get better results with cooperation. Sunny days are better mood days. I just had an idea as well I am not sure if this will work but I had to call the ambulance once to pick her up because she refused to go into the car to go home and they came and she agreed to a hospital but if it is a mental condition a psychiatric hospital is were she will be looked at and she may have to spend some time to be evaluated but this is best for diagnosis as well. In this case though she needs to agree to be admitted on her own.

You mention about, "no sleep with me making sure doors are locked is beginning to take its toll." I had to put some sliding locks that match similar to the door n placed them at the bottom. A lot of time they don't tend to look down at the door n it has helped me from worrying about the mnl opening the door if I have to take a shower or such. I don't leave it lock all the time for she don't wander off for she still is my shadow as of now. I hope everything works out for you n your mom. keep us posted on how you r doing n your mom.

I have a friend whose mother heard voices - and medications did help. Perhaps her doctor can give you 1 or 2 pills to calm her - valium, xanax - and that can facilitate bringing her in. Alternatively, do check to see if he/she or a nurse practitioner from their office might make a house call. I'm sure your mom isn't the first person who simply won't go out without a fight. Meds to calm her at night might also be in order, so you - and she -can get some sleep!

Your father is blessed as well. :) It is not easy. I was sharing with a friend that my mom put up with my growing paing, my making her uneasy, embarassing her, and just making her unhappy. The least I can do is 'work with her'. I don't live in the same city with my mom so I'm committed to doing what I can to help her and it is tough. Whereas I would like for her to take the meds, if she refuses I understand that too. I just want her to be able to make a reasonable decision to stop taking the meds, which she cannot because of the dementia. So, I pray and hope for the best. She told one of my sisters that I am always bugging her about going to the doctor. :) Funny...

LindaGS - Your mother is so lucky to have such a compassionate daughter. My father was recently diagnosed with dementia that has been apparent to us for years. Our plan is also to ask his doctor to take him off of meds (and I, too, have had my suspicions about the cognitive effects of the cholesterol medication he's been taking for 20 years!).
While I understand that a doctor's first impulse is to treat, I don't understand the lack of compassion it causes by denying a patient a good death. I saw a relative die slowly and painfully while being overtreated. The last time I saw him, in his hospital bed recovering from the umpteenth procedure or test being performed to treat his terminal condition, he said "they wouldn't treat a dog like this." He was right. We have more empathy and compassion for our pets than the medical industry seems to have for us.

Mom is very functional. She get up, cleans up, dresses, eats, then sits in her char waiting for her stories. However, she gets very agitated and is very paramoid. She also has hallucinations of gastly things happening to family members; along with hearing voices. My hope is that the doctor can provide some relief from the hallucinations and the walking all night. There is not sleep for her or anyone else in the house with her. On another note, she has stopped taking ALL meds and seems to be doing great. Thank you response; quite a bit to share with my siblings. Blessings.

What is your goal in taking her to the doctor? What is your goal in giving her meds?
In her lucid moments... or those of you who have family members in stage 4 or 5 of Alzheimers take the time to discuss what are the elderly medical outcome goals.

When it becomes a race between heart disease and dementia, many of us would choose a swift heart attack over a slow goodbye any day.

Remember medicine has become a high profit business. It is out choices how deeply we commit ourselves to their goals. My mom can not pee in a cup. She does not like to be underdressed, the hernia she developed 4 years ago we decided not to have surgery on. So what would they find from a blood test that we would arrest the course of?

I have taken my mother off all of her meds. Like a teen freed from ADHD ritilin, she became calm and cuddly and compliant in ways she had not been for months.

I read an article about the cholesterol meds she had been on-- that they are PERHAPS linked to brain plaques.

I am very at peace with my decision (and my siblings and uncle have come along to understand) that we do not want 5 years of this diaper and feeding stage. We do not want her hyped up like she has drunk 5 Red Bulls, her anxiety went up as her mind raced to nowhere.

I do not believe we will ever go to the doctor again until I have a visit to get her declared hospice. She is in stage 7 of her alzheimers and we are saying the slow good bye. A doctor can not help us with this.

I discussed this at her last doctors visit and he shared they made the same decision for his father...... but then he gave her a flu shot. (little non-connect there)

I understand the role doctors have in alleviating suffering and that will come with hospice care.

Did you consider having a visiting physician or nurse? I have found our loved ones listen better to a "stranger" then to their loved ones and family members. Hey--What do we know?? I know insurance will cover either of the above.

These answers are very helpfup; thank you!! I was wondering lately if we could get a doctor to make a house call. Mom just flat out refuses to leave the house for anything. However, no sleep with me making sure doors are locked is beginning to take its toll. Thank you. Blessings.

Also, you may not be aware, but doctors make housecalls now if it comes to that. Maybe not her regular docs, but at least she can have someone. There are several organizations (like "Mobile Docs") who will send an MD, NP, or PA into a person's home for routine exams, medication coordinaation, etc. You can search online to see who has "doctor housecalls" in your area. Can help for times when she needs a doctor but doesn't need the ones she's seen before. The housecall doctoe can coordinate with the others as needed, they know what to do.

Mine did, too - and still does give me grief every time I need her to go. I tell her that the Doctor called and asked me to bring her in - so she doesn't see it as me meddling or trying to force anything on her. If you have a physician who's seen her in the past, tell her his office called to schedule a follow-up and you've made an appointment for ___________ (date & time) and just say you're going - state it matter-of-factly, like there's no other option. It's not your idea, but you're bowing to the requests of a doctor who cares about her. I hope this is useful!!!

Thank you for your question DandiSandi,

You’re fellow caregivers will likely respond with their personal experiences about getting a loved one to go to the doctor very soon.

In the meantime, here are some articles that you may find useful:

What Do I Do if My Parent Refuses to Go to the Doctor?
https://www.agingcare.com/133384

Choosing a Doctor your Parents Are Comfortable With
https://www.agingcare.com/132483

Top 6 Medication Problems and How to Prevent Them
https://www.agingcare.com/146111


--Anne-Marie, AgingCare.com