How does your parent treat you when you have to put them in a care facility?

My husband has placed his mom, 94, in a dementia care facility, for her own safety. It has been hard on him, because he didn't really want to do it. And it's hard on my MIL, because she thinks she doesn't need to be there!? I was reading the posts and saw a comment that I am going to tell my husband when he gets home from seeing his mom. It went llike this "Either you manage your parent or they manage you, you decide what you need to do". I think this comment reflects what we need at this time! I see my husband being pushed from pilar to post, whenever his mom needs anything! And he does it, all without question? He has a sister who has washed her hands of any responsibility in doing anything her mom needs, so the brunt of everthing goes on my husband. We also have a child (young teen) who very much needs his father right now. I can't play that role even though I've tried. Our son has had a lot to deal with in the past year and a half, lossing 2 grandparents and an uncle. He is failing in school and is disrespectful at home, I think his rebelling stems from all this adversity he has gone through, and our paying so much attention to the job at hand! What can we do to help this situation because we can't just ignore the fact that we HAVE to take care of his grandma right , and we have stressed that we love him as always but there are things we as parents have to do when we get older. We are all trying to just make it through this, but sometimes I wish I could crawl in a hole and stay there till this blows over....! I have said a lot of prayers and read many stories here that have helped me to cope somewhat with all this. Just need to vent a little I guess.....Thx