I am sad to say that my sweet Mom passed away a few weeks ago. I have been working to empty her home of things people may need, particularly after the hurricane. I’ve given towels, sheets, blankets, clothing, toiletries (unopened) to goodwill... but my head is spinning and I feel disorganized, disoriented and like I just don’t know what to do with things. There is so MUCH. Some garbage, some very good long family history/memories.
There are three siblings, so the furniture, paintings/pictures, rugs and mementos must be distributed. I put together an excel spreadsheet of each room in the house and sent it to my brother and sister. My brother wants two things and my sister hasn’t replied yet. It’s too soon for her... but I know there will be things left over. What do I do? Is there a good process for deciding/dividing among ourselves how to take good care of the lovely things my dear Mom left?
Anyone who knows of good resources and good processes for this, I would appreciate hearing from you. I am doing the best I can, but I’m sure you know better and have some very good experiences for me about what works and what does not.
I’m looking forward to hearing your good ideas, your cautions and experiences so that I can learn from your wisdom. Right now I feel like I’m feeling around in the dark and I feel ill-equipped to complete this task. The one nice things is that I found old letters from my Mom to my Dad and they are very sweet and remind me how lucky we were to have them as parents.
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One of you suggested all the old linens, towels, blankets, comforters, etc be donated to animal shelter...Fantastic idea and I endorse!! -- please do so if you can. A comforter can be cut up into large squares and re-sewn perfect for animals in need.
If you have old hats/purses/dresses/luggage, etc -- you may be able to take to vintage consignment shop. They will sort and send you checks as items sell. The other clothes, take to goodwill or pack for VA. They will sort and use what they can.
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None of those people were there when she needed to be taken to the hospital or cared for on a daily basis. I bet when we have a garage sale, they will be back.
As someone said above, I bet it is a lot easier if parents decide which kid gets what big item, so that there are only small things to worry about later.... I feel like many of you do... it's a lot of work. I just want to do a good job and not blow it. Thanks again for your insights and stories. They are all very, very helpful and help me anticipate what is still to come. Thank you!!!
geewhiz - I guess some do want stuff. I need a rant too. Mother left it all for me too. When she moved to an ALF she left most of her belongings for me to sort out. My sister took a small box worth of personal items and I had to deal with the rest. The grandkids and great grandkids wanted very little if anything. I sent some items to the Good Will shop and we hauled the rest to my home over 200 miles away, Sig other and I were still working so we couldn't do too much sorting then. Some of it is still in boxes, some I am using and some more has been given away. Fortunately one of the the grandchildren wants the family silver. He and his wife are in Britain. I have started sending it over, and have a few boxes to go yet. Mailing it is not cheap either. There are some nice sets of china, that a young couple I know would like -just have to get it to them. As famliy doesn't want it, I would rather it go to someone who would appreciate it. I also have some of my father's gear from the WW1, and will see if a museum wants it, and some older stuff from my mother's family. Mother set herself up with new furniture etc her 2nd ALF, so I will be doing it all over again one day :( sigh
sounds like there are some good ideas if family does want things, if not consider friends too, and giving away to a good cause. There are many who have needs, Kijiji might be a place to advertise, or your local newspaper once family have taken what they want, Good luck for sure!
OK that was my rant. Now for a suggestion. My library has a listing on their website, called "who takes what'. They list contact info for used clothes, eyeglasses, hearing aids, furniture, etc. This might be a place to start. Good luck and so sorry for your loss.
Thank you!
They started with jewelry, watches and such. Anyone who wanted an item put their name tag in a hat. A neighbor who volunteered to help did the picking from the hat. They just went room to room following the same process. Oh, the one who got the jewelry boxes shared everthing in them with the others.
Who wants this lamp, who wants this desk...on and on it went all day long. They had lunch catered for an afternoon break. There was some trading of things. One aunt really wanted an old watch of her Mother's that a dil won and dil really liked the tourqoise broach the aunt had gotten. So they traded.
The next morning after church the grandkids came in and took the few things they wanted. The rest was sold at a garage sale and the money donated to their church.
The big stuff like furniture and antiques had already been distributed by the grandparents. This was understood by everyone. This couple was way ahead of their time for making serious decisions. It was a weekend of laughter, tears, stories and a real tribute to wonderful parents as the family lovingly shared memories. It also turned what could have been a sad and feudie (sp) kind of event into something we all still talk about at reunions and Christmas!
Good luck!
The first thing I wanted to tackle was the clutter of medical equipment and medical supplies. We have so much that could be donated to folks in need. Mom was brought communion on a weekly basis by a church deacon. We plan on asking him if he knows anyone that's homebound, elderly or ill who can't afford it. Also, I had thought about contacting the VNA since they were so good to us and they serve a huge portion of the elderly population in our county.
These are great questions. But I do not have any answers for you because I am in the exact same situation, and so far, I haven't done anything about it; you've done more than I have and Daddy passed just this past May and Mom is in hospice right now. Can't handle it just yet. So, like you, I will wait for advice from fellow CG for advice OK? God Bless you.