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babbott223 Asked December 2012

Are there assisted living facilities where residents could live without being expected to take part in activities?

Mother is 88 years old and in pretty good health for someone her age. She is not active, however, and uses a walker. She spends most of her time sitting in her recliner watching TV. She's never enjoyed meeting and spending time with new people. If we were able to convince her to try an assisted living community, she would just want to be left alone in her room and not be urged to join any activity. When I see pictures of residents in these communities they all seem to be having fun. Are there places for people like her who just want to be left alone?

agingconsultant Dec 2012
Most Assisted Living Facilities do not require participation in activities. I understand that getting your mother over the hump of agreeing to move to an assisted living facility can be very difficult and most facilities recognize that and are willing to accept people on terms that work best for them. That said, even if she doesn't like meeting people and doing things, it would be in her interest health wise to do more than sit and watch TV. Since she is already on a walker, it is very important that someone impress upon her that she needs to move around while she still can so she doesn't lose more mobility. Good luck.

jeannegibbs Dec 2012
Well, there are certainly a lot of people who just want to be left alone! Let's hope there is a place for them.

My daughter is a PTA at a very nice ALF. She says the real problem arises when family expect the resident to participate in activities and want the staff to encourage that, but the resident does NOT want to do it. They get comments like, "I've never liked bingo in my entire life! What makes my daughter think I should play it now?!"

If you are considering certain ALFs, ask your question there. What do they do with residents who prefer to be left to themselves? If you find one you want your mother to visit, talk to the person who will be providing the tour and ask them to not emphasize the activities.

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JessieBelle Dec 2012
Most facilities have activities for residents, but residents are not required to participate. The brochures will show the residents who are socializing. It wouldn't be a very good selling point to show those sitting alone in their rooms. :)

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