I am so sorry for the spot you are in. The procedure itself (the anesthesia) could make her dementia symptoms worse. Discuss this risk with her doctor. Also discuss what the options are if cancer is found, and what the risks are for her in the treatments. If she has cancer and it isn't treated, what will her life be like? If you feel that you are going to have to make the decisions, learn as much as you can, before the d&c is performed.
A few years ago my mother was advised to have certain tests. She refused, saying that if cancer was found she would not have it treated, so what was the point of knowing? She said she'd had a good long life and if cancer was the way she was going to go, so be it. Her wonderful geriatrician said, "I understand that. Many of my older patients feel that way. I respect your decision. It is my responsibility to tell you that if cancer were found it could be treated and that may increase your life span. If you change your mind, I will set up the tests at any time." My mother was in her late eighties at the time, though. Your mother is very young for this kind of decision. On the other hand, she has dementia, and I think that changes things. Her life span will probably be shortened by the dementia in any case. I am about her age, and if I had dementia (and could still make rational decisions) I'm not sure I would go through cancer treatment to increase my life span. (I might take treatment to reduce pain and suffering.) End stage dementia is not a very appealing prospect.
My sincere warm hugs to you, MMendez. This is a heart-wrenching position you are in. I don't think there are "right" answers. Learn all you can. Make your decision in love, and then don't beat yourself up, whatever the outcome. All any of us can do is our best.
My mom is 68 yrs old. Its probably in the 3 to 4th stage of dementia. I dont know what the options are yet but I dont think that she will want treatment, my father passed away and all she talks about is being with him. She is bored with us and it is a hard decision to make for me because I dont think she can make that decision and if she does it will be to refuse cause she wants to go "home". Its sad but I dont blame her. My emotions are so crazy these days.
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A few years ago my mother was advised to have certain tests. She refused, saying that if cancer was found she would not have it treated, so what was the point of knowing? She said she'd had a good long life and if cancer was the way she was going to go, so be it. Her wonderful geriatrician said, "I understand that. Many of my older patients feel that way. I respect your decision. It is my responsibility to tell you that if cancer were found it could be treated and that may increase your life span. If you change your mind, I will set up the tests at any time." My mother was in her late eighties at the time, though. Your mother is very young for this kind of decision. On the other hand, she has dementia, and I think that changes things. Her life span will probably be shortened by the dementia in any case. I am about her age, and if I had dementia (and could still make rational decisions) I'm not sure I would go through cancer treatment to increase my life span. (I might take treatment to reduce pain and suffering.) End stage dementia is not a very appealing prospect.
My sincere warm hugs to you, MMendez. This is a heart-wrenching position you are in. I don't think there are "right" answers. Learn all you can. Make your decision in love, and then don't beat yourself up, whatever the outcome. All any of us can do is our best.
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How old is your mother? How advanced is her dementia? If they do find cancer, what are the options? Will she want treatment?