I had to take my father to the hospital today due to a low blood count. I was there all day today. He had to have blood transfusions. The doctor gave him the bad news and it was how it was said that made my father start to have angina pain.
Has anyone ever gone through that before with their loved ones doctor? I think he could of explained to my father in a better way then saying dying from an infection is painful when my father is already in bad shape due to his bone marrow. Of course I went out to my car and cried my eyes out. I felt bad leaving my father there but over the course of the last few months I have been burnt out to the max. It is Christmas now and I feel it will be Dads last Christmas but I am not playing God either. I have that guilt that I read about in here so often. feel guilty that I did not step up to the plate last appointment and questioned the low blood counts right then and there. They were going to do it again in January and I had Hospice come out and draw it yesterday and got a call last night that it was critically low. I think today was the first time any doctor (while as insensitive I felt it was) told my father the truth about his condition. Why do doctors put it off on family members to tell their loved ones the truth about their situation? I asked my father if his doctor ever told him these things and he said no. When I left the hospital I went over to the Chapel and prayed. I felt numb the whole drive home. When they got my father upstairs that doctor was more sympathetic and caring and said whatever dad wanted which even included going there for blood once a month. We also talked briefly about the respite and I will still hold on to that for next year as it is what I need. At this point with all the different doctors opinion my mind is wondering what is truth and what is not. Why can everyone including the nurses all be on one page as it makes the caregiver confused and I am just sitting here thinking how much more confused the patient is - my father. I am sad tonight and I have known Dad has been failing for sometime now and my stark reality hit me even harder today. Keep us in your prayers if you could. I appreciate all comments and miss my father here tonight EVEN after I have complained about how worn out I have been - I feel guilty about complaining. Is this normal?
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I know it is ridiculous, but I deluded myself into believing that every time someone told my mom something about her world shrinking to nothingness, she would believe them and she would follow their instructions and die a little bit more.
I also felt the guilt of feeling crushed by watching her suffer and struggle with these awful messages. But! The good news is that she lived longer than they predicted. Also, I struggled with not knowing. She and I talked about it. She said she was up and down. There were times when I thought she was not going to wake up from a nap and the next thing I knew she went to lunch with a friend (while I was in a rage of uncontrolled worry and fear).
It is a roller coaster. We are here for you. We are all going through the same things you are. My sweet mom passed away comfortably, warm, loved in October this year. I was so sad.. and then my brother pointed out how lucky we were that she was heathy until she passed. The truth is that he NEVER came to the hospital when she was deathly ill.
I asked my mom what she did for her parents. She said she did nothing. She was off at cocktail parties and traveling with my father. Like my brother and me, we all make our choices on how we want to live our lives. I preferred to be there for her when she was in the hospital. My brother preferred to think she never went into the hospital.
The most important thing is that you do what you think is right, for you. No one can decide that but you. This journey can be sad and it can also be so rewarding when you get a chance to speak with your Dad and be there for him. I read somewhere that the elderly just don't want to be alone, so I did the best I could not to leave mom alone. I wasn't perfect... far from it, but today I am comforted to know that I did the best I could for her.
I am saying a prayer for you and your father tonight. Bless you both though this very special journey.
Not all doctors are good about presenting bad news. Maybe there isn't a good way to present bad news -- no matter how it is presented everyone will feel terrible. Maybe a kinder tone and a sensitive presentation would make us feel better for a half an hour but, really, not matter how sensitively it is presented learning that a loved one has less than 6 months to live (or 3 to 5 days, as I heard about my father) or that a pregnancy is going to end badly, or that the dementia is rapidly progressing -- learning any of those things is devastating.
I agree that many doctors should be far more sensitive in presenting bad news.