I have a parent that lives out of state who refuses to move. What can I do?

I am sure you will be able to get him somewhere that will take the best of care. It sounds like he will have to go, but at least you will have peace of mind that he will be in the same place. I am in Calf and my parents are in mass only child trying to get them out her, so I know what you are going through. Good Luck.

Oh, I so wish Dad were closer! But he really, truly wants to stay in his home. I was able to get the VNA to assess his needs, and he has thus far been able to be safe and happy staying at home with companion care/home health aides coming in twice a day, seven days a week. His mental status fluctuates from day to day, and he would probably live longer if he were in a supported living facility. But I am listening to his wants and he prefers quality to quantity of life -- and at 92, I think he has the right to choose. He has no skilled nursing needs, so he does not really qualify for a nursing home. Being elderly and feeble no longer is a reason for someone to go into a nursing home. Especially when they want to be at home.

While insurance does not cover the HHA services, and they can mount up really quickly, there are services available to people on Medicaid assistance and who are veterans or wives of veterans if they have less than I think it is $80K in assets.

What I needed to do (from my experience moving my mil from VA to OH):
1st: If he does not have POA or guardianship: get a lawyer.
2nd: Dad will need a needs assessment (as noted above)
3rd: If you do not have POA: have your lawyer help you through the process of going to court for a POA. VA & OH do not have a reciprocal agreement thus you may have to physically move your dad to your state on the ruse of a visit. Have your lawyer push the process as quickly as possible.
4th: Once you have decided what to do with dad (I brought my mil to live with me.) The best way that I found was to have a ruse that it will be in her best interest to stay, which I am sure your dad will figure out quickly.
5th: In the meantime, find a doctor, dentist, etc. in your area.

I had an absolutely a nightmare of a year working this out with my mil. I wish you a much easier and positive experience. I would like to write a book explaining each step in detail because it caused so much pain and effort to figure out each step.

Your dad needs nursing home care. Contact his physician and have the physician or physician assistant come to his home to assess the situation. Your Dad will then be hospitalized for tests and an overall assessment and then admitted to a nursing home. SK

It sounds like your father needs a need assessment so you will know what options are available. If he is unable to stay at home due to safety issues, he will either need to move to live near a family member, have home services come in, or move into an assisted living community. He will probably tell you he doesn't need anything, so it is never pleasant. If you will contact the local agency on aging, they should be able to provide you with the information you need. Your father may be adamant about not wanting to move or have someone come into his home, but you will need to do what is best for all people that are involved. It is a bad situation that many of us are faced with as our parents age.

One thing that you will need to do is make sure his advanced directives are in place. Do you have financial and medical POA? From what you write, it sounds like he may need someone as POA or guardian. I hope that everything falls in line when you get there. I don't envy you your trip, but I am glad you are going.