My father messes himself and won't wear pull ups. Help?

missy, I know how you are feeling. If your father has not gotten professional help, are you sure that the pain in his legs is neuropathy and not circulatory pain? If he has circulatory problems, it may also have affected his brain. I would see if I could get him to the doctor to check for vascular dementia. I am not a doctor, but just thinking that your father's symptoms sound much like my father's. He sat in a chair all day long and had much cramping-like leg pain. He refused to go to the doctor. We got him there a few times, but did not get any effective help for him. We did not learn what was causing all of his problems until his last week on earth. He had mixed dementia and little circulation in his extremities. My father would wear Depends, but he lost interest in his hygiene and appearance. He would only get up to go to the bathroom.

It is rather unappealing, but it may help to put a potty chair close to where your father sits most of the time and by his bed at night. Also try to get him to use a urinal when he has to go.

Something I also wonder is if he has lost some sensation in the lower part of his body. Does he know when he has to go? And does he know when he is wet or soiled?

Since your mother is his primary caregiver, I guess you'll have to get her on board with what you are doing. Sometimes the only way to get a resistant person to the doctor is say that they are going and that's that! Does he have a transport chair? It will make it easier to take him to the doctor. If you don't have one, sometimes churches have chairs they can lend short-term.

Good luck to you. Maybe it will help to get him to the doctor if he thinks there a chance the doctor can help his pain. None of us want to live in pain. Hugs to you this new year.