How do I cope with mom's death?

Death of a loved one is extremely hard, especially with me when it comes to seniors that need much comfort during their dying period. I see this has not been commented on since Jan. this year, but in my line of work, I share this poem often. I hope it helps. My mother wrote it, I think in the early eighties.

Death can be beautiful - when it gives release from suffering and pain. Death can be beautiful when it magnifies love through the comfort, the compassion and sympathy of friends and relatives.
Death can be beautiful when it binds those yet living more closely together, when it revives memories of a life which in its totality displayed a richness of texture and a strength of design in which the selflessness, tenderness compassion and generosity were merged. Death can be beautiful when in coming it opens the doors of life again - a life revealed in God's beyond and evermore. Death can be a gift, a reward, a promise fulfilled, the essence of God's love. The sorrow itself, that trails the wake of death, is a quality and measure of love that is creative in that it requires us to re-examine the values we hold. It causes us to question the validity of our lives, it opens our hearts to renewed appreciation of those whom we still have to love and underscores the possibility of unpredictable loss.

Addie W. Williams

Undated

Tanner...your expression of pain n grief...sadness n imminent loss, is tangible to me. In reading your post, I cry with you at the process of letting go of your beloved mother. May God be with you, in your darkest hour , as He wraps His arms around your beautiful mother, on her final journey, home....

Tanner...I am there with you. My mom is also in her last hours..its the most agonizing thing to go through..but be strong and know she will be at peace soon. Faith has been my biggest asset during times like this. It's what has pulled me through the most frustrating times and darkest hours. Also stay connected with this forum and express your feelings. It's a great tool having so many experiencing the same as you. You are not alone. We are all here helping each other, hugging each other and caring. And when her time comes, go out and find yourself. What you did was selfless...take time to be a little selfish. Who knows if the compassion and caring is there...maybe there is a new journey in a caregiving career? Just suggestions..but my prayers and empathy are with you. As I said, my mom is now in the Hospice house in her final days. I feel the heartache you are feeling. God Bless

My heartfelt blessings for you. There comes a time when nothing anyone can say or do will seem to help or make the pain go away. We struggle in our minds with our thoughts and the emotions of feeling helpless. Asking why? And often TIME is the only cure for our pain. How much time? No one really knows. The present becomes the past eventually. My mother is 88, decaying health, a matter of time. I reminded her of the Love of God for her and made sure that she accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior in her life for the forgiveness of her sins. Now, I know that when she leaves she will get to heaven. I hope this doesn't offend you.. make certain that you help her to confess Jesus as her Savior and to forgive her of any sins/trespasses. This is called 'salvation'. You may not be able to prevent what is happening to her now but you'll be able to direct her life after death. This will bless, strengthened and comfort you knowing where she truly is afterwards and you will be able to move on. She will be with Jesus and someday the two of you can be together again.

Prayers of comfort and peace for you and your Mom.

My heart felt so sad reading your post. My Mom passed away on October 31st. It's wonderful that your mother is receiving hospice services. My Mom was on hospice, too. I was able to say good bye, that I loved her and that it was ok to go so she wouldn't try to hang on.

The most important thing is that you're there now for your Mom and that's the greatest gift to her. Keep posting, you have friends here, we are experiencing or have experienced just what you're going through. I check in every day as I continue to get my bearing and overcome that lost feeling.

tanner, I understand what you mean. When we go into caregiving, it just seems like it is something we'll do in the course of our lives. Then it becomes our lives. Soon it doesn't seem like we have anything but caregiving. Lord knows what we'll do when it is over. I am sorry to read that your mother's time is near and I know you are going to miss her. I hope you'll be able to take some time to relax and regroup, then realize you are only 56. There is still a whole life waiting for you that you deserve. I have a feeling the answers will come to you when it's time.

For now {{{{tanner}}}}. I know the next weeks are going to be hard for you.

Give yourself time. Feel what you feel. The time for taking practical measures and making changes is ahead of you. Right now be with your mother 100%, whether she seems aware of you or not. Take it one hour at a time.

Hugs to you. This is very, very hard. You will get through it and your life will resume. Take advantage of all hospice has to offer.