Is there life after a narcissistic mother?

Cat it sounds to me like you've been beat down so much for so long that you're in a very low spot. That's understandable. Can't understand why the doc took you off the nerve meds. If you need em, you need em! I'm no fan of docs so my "opinion" isn't very objective. I know too many people on antidepressants who just don't want to deal with life and they prefer living in a haze. So if someone really needs meds you'd think a doc would help out.
You can't make yourself feel happy if you aren't happy. As long as you are in this low spot, you aren't going to be happy. I think you've made the right move to get away from mom. That's a gold star for you. Don't hold your breath waiting for an apology, you recognize that - gold star #2. Confronting her probably isn't going to give the answer you want. When I confronted my mom about how she had treated me her answer was she'd never done anything wrong and I was mentally ill. Gee thanks mom for the understanding. So I never broached that subject again. She didn't have a clue because narcissists don't care how others feel.
I think you need to give yourself time. You didn't get to this point overnight and it'll take time to bring yourself up to better times. If it doesn't get better with time, maybe more counseling is in order. If you need nerve meds and this doc won't give them to you, maybe you can find another doc. When you have these kinds of issues, meds can sometimes take a long time to be of help. There is help out for you, it's just finding it. Don't give up! Each day try to find one thing that brings happiness, no matter how small. It'll probably feel so good, you will be motivated to add to the list.
Stay strong, keep mom at arm's length. She's toxic, sucks out all the joy, uses you...do not let her. They always say nobody can take advantage of you if you don't let them. It's true. And by removing herself, YOU have won, not your mom. As sad as it is to write, my mom did me a favor by disowning me. It's even sadder to say that I don't miss her since she died. I'll never understand her; I just know I don't want to be like her.

This was an eye opener for me....after reading your comments I realize that if I don't get myself disassociated from my mothers mean hateful environment I too could end up hard hearted and emotionally devoid. I have been on the brink of curling up on the couch and never getting up. It is hard dealing with her unreasonable demands every day and not having the life sucked out of you. I have made some progress though. I quit calling to check on her every day. If she calls me I will talk to her, but the minute she starts in on me, I tell her I'm not listening to her and I hang up. That has helped.

Of course today we are going to the Dr., so I cannot avoid her totally. If I could drive after taking my nerve pills I would totally pop one. But, I know that would be such a bad idea. I'll look forward to getting this day over with and not having to see her again for a while. So sad, we used to be very close.

@alwaysmyduty ~ Thank you so very much for your helpful advice. I am on antidepressants now and was on something for my nerves but my doctor took me off the med for nerves (he's nuts), I do need them. I had some counseling, now I guess I guess I need more since all this junk is showing up with no emotions. I guess I thought leaving mom would and time would help, it hasn't. I was always so strong and independent, now I feel like a whimp. I don't like feeling this way. It says to me "Mom won again"!!! I think I keep hoping against all hope she will say "Cat, I'm so sorry I gave you such a hard time". Ha, that will never happen.
Again, thank you very much, you have been helpful.

Cat

Cat, I just posted on midwest's thread about this topic. I'm me and can only comment on me, I haven't lived your life. But if it helps, I'm still standing and I'm in much better shape than I was 4 yrs ago. My mom is gone unlike yours. I've gone through some of what you're experiencing. I had a nervous breakdown also. I took antidepressants and got counseling. When I could no longer cry even on meds, I just took the bull by the horns and said enough. I could do it because I'm a fighter (sometimes a detrement), some people can't. I had good family support since my kids witnessed mom's hatefulness and they said enough also. Even though I've never been privy to the details of mom's death, I'll bet she had run everybody off and was alone. I'm sorry about it but she did it to herself. You can't be that mean and expect others to stick around. It's pitiful! Have you thought about counseling or meds? It makes me sad that you're at this stage most likely because your mom did it to you. You need to work on yourself and deal with mom later. What helped was realizing the past events happened but they're over. If was going to salvage my life, I had to gather up the fortitude to do it for me. It was hard and it's still hard. You're a survivor and that's something to be proud of, maybe lay that as your foundation and build on that. Baby steps! Please don't think I'm trying to tell you how to do things, that's not me. I'm just trying to let you know there's hope. I haven't had an easy life and when I look back on what I've been through, I consider it a miracle I didn't roll up in a ball and give up. Mom deprived me of a lot of things but I decided to not let the past keep me from having a future. I sincerely wish you the best. Just keep talking out it here because there are so many of us who have walked in your shoes. Burdens sometimes become lighter when there are others who help you carry them. :-)