I would love to hear from those of you who grew up with a narcissistic father. My father was far worse than my mother. He was verbally abusive and emotionally absent. They enabled each other at my and my brother's expense.
I have read many books dealing with narcissistic mothers but none about the effects of having a narcissistic father. Both my brother and mother agree with me that dad was verbally abusive and narcissistic. But I am not allowed to talk about it now that he has died. Sound familiar?
I am in the process of dealing with my narcissistic family. I have made great progress. But I know there will be life long wounds. I have to deal with them everytime I deal with NM and golden Child brother. I just am learning everyday how to get over this. But it is a work in progress.
Let's hear from you all!
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One of the first conversations we had was how everything they had (almost 1 million dollars) and their home would go to pay for their nursing home care. And if anything was left my brother and i could have it. That was fine with me, I don't care. Now at the end of the day, dad has died and mom WILL go into a nursing home. And when she hates it, as I am sure she will, I will always remind her that a nursing home is what she always wanted, was smug about, and I wish to honor her wishes. I will not take care of her. She gave my brother her financial POA, put him on her checking account, made him her executor, left me out of everything legal. Tried to put my newphew on the POA as alternate (brother would not do this) and that was in August. Why? Because my dad told her I asked him for money. Now he is dead, i can't talk to him and she will never believe any different.
I never asked for anything from my parents, never had to. This is just her way of keeping secrets. And it is more important to keep me away from her money and lie than to include me in the family. So..........................when time comes to care for her, she is my brother's problem..........don't know how I could do much anyway. The chickens will come home to roost.
You are not alone!
My dad was a hyper-critical, perfectionist and emotionally distant narcissist. As a result instead of being my own best cheerleader, I'm own worst critic. Even as an adult he has brought up things to criticize me about.
My mother taught me to swallow my feelings as a young child and to focus on her for her focus was on her in ways that was very destructive to my having my own identity with healthy boundaries. I could say more but I have written so much about her at such length and dealt with it in therapy that I prefer writing the short version.
(That would be = YES!)
It's my mother, though. My dad is much more balanced, but my mother definitely would fall into the narcissistic category. They are both still alive and I am the medical POA so it will be interesting to see how this progresses.
For me, it was definitely counseling but more so the 12 step programs I attended that really helped (Alanon and ACOA) me learn how to stay sane in a not so sane environment. Just reaching out and asking the questions is really the beginning of the healing. I would encourage you to keep sharing and keep seeking support. I think it's pretty impossible to get through this on your own.
Hang in there and keep reaching out!!
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