Mom's at a Alz Ctr and they tell us things that mom is doing. How do we know that this really happening?

Corinne, I agree with you about hospice. They have been a God send. I wish we had called them long before we finally did. In fact, the in-take nurse could not believe we waited as long as we did. But, I had always heard it was only for the last 6 months of a person's life. I now know that is not necessarily true, but did not know it then. If you suspect your loved one qualifies, don't wear yourself to a frazzel before you call.
Thank God for the wonderful hospice angels!

I'm so sorry you have had problems with the nursing homes. Thank God, my husband had excellent care at a nursing home run by the Leader family. The home welcomed me with open arms at all hrs of the day or night. Please spread the word about the bad nursing homes and get hospice for your loved ones. Hospice will generally lead you to a better place. Hugs, Corinne

our 3 month experience with an AL was not good. the only thing that we could count on was pain meds and cash stolen by the handfulls and the director trying to downplay everything when the sheriff came. a poorly ran money mill..

I found out that NH & AL facilities don't like the families spending a lot of time at the facilities, but that you have to so you know what is going on. Daddy had to go to a SNF from the rehab center. Before the time came to move him my sister, mother, SIL and I went & sat down with administrators at each place. We told them what we expected & each promised us the world. Daddy was at the facility 40 hours & they let him fall 3 times. At no time was he given a balanced meal, the wound nurse never came to evaluate the bed sores he had gotten in the hospital, they never took him for any physical therapy. I had an appointment for him with his neurosurgeon on the morning of his 3rd day. They assured me that when I got there he would be bathed, fed, dressed & ready to go to the doctor. When I got there I found his unbathed, unfed, battered body bleeding laying in the bed with no shoes on. I got him ready, ran thru a drive-in to get him something to eat & took him to the doctor. The doctor saw his wounds & hit the roof. Later we found awful wounds that we did not even know about. The doctor told me to take him home & not to ever put him back in a NH. (I don't think the doctor thought he would live much longer, but, thank God, it has been almost 3 years ago). Anyway, I took him home & my daughter & I went to the NH to get Daddy's things. The NH pitched a fit about us not bringing him back. It got very heated when they refused to release his medicines. Then they got smart-alecky about the fact I spent (in their words) 18 hours a day there with him. I replied, and yet y'all let him fall 3 times when I wasn't here. They made me sign a paper saying I was removing him against the facility's doctor's advice. I added at the bottom of the form all they had and had not done and that Daddy's neurosurgeon's advice trumped their GP's advice. Anyway, I left with all his things except his medicines. As soon as we left I called the neurosurgeon to get meds called in to the pharmacy. Within 15 minutes I had a phone call from their main office apologizing and asking me to come back & get his medicines. Told them, no, I had already taken care of it.

Most ALs do an evaluation for each resident to determine a level of care.They then keep notes on each resident and will re-evaluate when needed. Typically, the level of care (and corresponding fee for it) is a reflection of how much staff time and number of staff members will be involved in care. The evaluation forms are really specific and comprehensive. If you are literally paying $500 for a reminder to bathe then you ought to have a meeting with the AL director. I suspect though, that there's more to it than that. If you feel you're being overcharged or that your mom doesn't need the care you're paying for, ask to see your mom's evaluation and to discuss it with the nursing director.
Also, if your mom has just moved, it's very possible that she's behaving differently in her new surroundings than she did in your home. Again, talk with the nursing director about how she's adjusting.
I sense some hurt in your message, maybe that your sister overruled your wishes in moving your mom into an AL? To make the best of a situation you didn't want, get involved at the AL. They aren't to blame for your sister's actions. You and they (if they're a good community) just want your mom to get the care she needs. I agree with LifeIsGood, a good community will be happy to have you spend as much time there as you want. The happiest residents are those whose families feel at home in the community, too.

I had to comment on your question as I have been in the exact same place as you. I know what you have to do as I did this. The only way to know for sure what is happening at a facility in which your parent is living, is to BE THERE!!! Go spend some time at different shift times. I have even spent the night with my Mom to see how 3rd shift operates, and on the weekends. It is so important for the staff at the facility to know you are invested in your parent's care and that you will be watching them. Most good places don't mind this at all and even appreciate the extra eyes on. Good luck!!