Dad is showing memory loss - left Mom at the store, can't be allowed to drive anywhere but church ( 1 mile away) by himself, gets confused about his medications and argues with Mom or sibs if we ask him about it or make suggestions. doesn't eat much but loves sweets, forgets to eat. He's never been big on doctors saying "they just want your money" and we even have trouble getting him to go to the allergist or to get a family doctor. He's on meds for high blood pressure, COPD.
One sib insists he should see a gerontologist for a diagnosis, to see if meds might be helpful. Mom and the others don't agree. I don't know enough to say..
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In our family, we have a 92 year old (my MIL) who is in nursing home with hospice care due to a small malignant mass in her lung, which as the doctor has told us, will not be what ends her life. But she also has depression issues, constant UTI's, and she is after all very old. My husband and his brother do not seem to be in any way on the same page regarding her care. BIL wants to force her to eat, make her get out of her room and 'mingle' (hard to do when everyone where you live seems to be mentally blank -she is not), and he berates her as if she has a long life ahead of her. My husband and I think she ought to be allowed to do as she pleases for the most part and if that means sleeping most of the time, eating what she's in the mood to eat and as little or as much as she wishes, basically calling the shots for herself in the very small realm of control that she still retains, then so be it. Her cancer diagnosis allowed her to get hospice involved, which allows her morphine when she is in any pain, for anything, usually the UTI's. We say 'ok'! But, as I said, the diagnosis(es) were required to originally get her eligibility going for LTC which she paid insurance for, for many years, and for now her hospice care. On the other hand, a diagnosis at 92 really otherwise means pretty little if it didn't allow her more resources. At her age, she is ready to go and realistically, will go soon, one way or another.
I make these recommendations as someone who has been there. My 93-year old mother was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimers' Disease in 2008. The early diagnosis gave me the time to address her need in an orderly and systematic fashion. It made things easier for both of us.
The decisions for them. You wouldn't let a child make a decision if they need meds or whether they go to school or not. The same is true for someone with dementia. At some point you have to take charge for the safety of the patient.
You need to do the research and see. But if he is having that kind of trouble; he needs help. You should also look at Power of Attorney forms. My siblings and I had too. I have more power then they do because I am living in the same town as them.
You need to think what is best for your Dad. He can yell and scream all he wants, but in the end; you need to tell him that you are doing this for his benefit. Tell him, you are doing it for your benefit too.
I have had 6 Dementia conversations with my father. He is in a home. I tell him how much I love him and want him to be safe.
Tell your Dad that and hope he listens. You are saving him and if he were to be in a car driving and something happened; you would be saving other people too. Just fight for your Dad. That is what I had to do, and in the end, all of my family realized that I was right.
Do the research. It will help. God bless you for what you are doing. It is amazing and so are you!
Need help, just leave me a message. Good luck.