How do I know if mom has dementia when I'm in Texas and she's in Iowa and she hates me! I'm still stuck on trying to be the "good daughter". Probably because I'm an only child and mom has no surviving relatives. We had her with us but she was just too beligerent and she actually ran away back to Iowa and is residing with my cousin. She sold their house after daddy passed away to come to Texas. Now she blames me for being alone, and penniless and no one wants her. This all stems from her giving me inheritance money and also money (about $1500) to help fix our old house up so it would be sellable (which it was and we have a new home). But she had money left - what she did with it all I don't know. She blew some it - a $3000 ring she'd been wanting for years and a used car (I understand)..but the rest is just gone. She's a bigot and hates my hispanic husband. She wants to argue and keeps saying I threw her out of our house (I didn't. When she was argumentative and beligerent, I told her if she wasn't happy - there's the door. That is not being thrown out!) Now we live a life of text messaging and she won't stop. She wants to argue and I can't do it. She doesn't have my number, only my husbands because we had to change mine to keep her from making me have a breakdown. I have MS and she apparently could care less if she stresses me out. She has said she's had a couple of strokes, but who knows. It could be lies. My cousin is housing her and believes I am the wench from h*ll simply because of what my mother says. My husband says it's dementia. I don't know how to determine if it is - or do I just walk away before she literally kills me from stress.??
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I too am the only daughter remaining. I've given up trying to please her. Who said when you get old everything should be your way?
At least my Mom is financially secure, and lives in assisted living. After half an hour of complaining I often tell her "Well, sometimes you're just going to have to be unhappy". Even after all that she says, "Oh, I'm not unhappy"
Sometimes I think she just needs to vent and I try not to argue with her and pretend to listen. I get tired of everything being so negative.
I'd like to think its dementia, but sometimes I wonder if its just how she really feels coming out. Dementia or not when you don't feel well its convenient to take it out on those around us.
Doesn't sound like you should let your Mom move back in with you. She's fine with your cousin.
My mother is the same way. She was always the nicest person around everyone before but could be a handful when it was no one but family. Now, she has no off button. She can't understand that half of the stuff that comes out of her mouth is either racist, bigoted or just flat out ignorant, and while I can overlook most of it, the personal attacks make me regret taking care of her and my father. I live inhome so there's no real escape. (Gave up a job and house of my own to move in with them when it became apparent they could not care for themselves.)
She was diagnosed with dementia and Alzheimer's, plus she is manic depressive/bipolar (we're not sure which, she was diagnosed 30 years ago, refused meds at any point and will not see a therapist for anything because she's so paranoid). She was like this before she became older, but now it's like there's no filter or off switch to it, she will cut loose on anyone, doctors, nurses, strangers in the grocery store. Sometimes I wish they came with mute buttons... then they could rant all they wanted and no one would have to hear it!
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