Is there anything legal we can do for my husband to see his mother?

Hello to my very supportive friends. It's been a little over 3 years since I've been on this forum. If you have previously read my story about my evil SIL kidnapping my MIL who had been diagnosed with dementia the last year and 1/2 of her life and hiding her from my husband and I, the saga that unfolds is both treacherous, pathetic, and Incredulously cruel. After mom passed away in July 2013 her estate was unsettled since she died without a will. Evil sis moved out of state conveniently but was subpoenaed by the court to appear for the estate hearing. Now mind you this is just to determine who will be the personal representative of their mom's estate. When our case was being heard Evil sis preceded to throw papers at the judges saying that this is what we stole from their mom but with absolutely no proof of what she was accusing us of. They were just receipts of whatever. When asked to present his side my husband was contained and eloquent. I was so proud of him. When one of the judges asked her how much time she spent with mom before the dementia she lied and said whenever she could. Complete total lie. She hadn't spent any time with her mother for decades. When the judge asked when the evil one became POA, before or after dementia of course she couldn't lie. After. One sympathetic judge said she had one parent who had dementia and was unable to make financial decisions. With that evil sis blurts out "Mommy wanted me to have the money." Her entire family was living off of Moms pension and dividend checks. As the judges called a recess Evil sis called me a dog and said I never loved their mother. Funny since she was never around and mom and I had a loving relationship. Long story short sanity prevailed and my husband was chosen mom's personnel representative. She was to report all of mom's remaining assets but ran away and again we couldn't find her and had to alert the sheriff's office to serve her. She never complied but luckily the court found in our favor. Warning to everyone. When it comes to money people become different. This was my husband's blood sister. We have survived but it has changed us. His entire side of the family is damaged. Evil knows no bounds and has No Conscience.

Oh Missy sorry you had to deal with this crap. I'm so glad you and your husband got to see your MIL. God bless. Just keep smiling and don't look back..

It's difficult when you have this much hate being thrown on your direction. She is even slandering our children. What a legacy she is creating for herself.

missymay you are so right to decide to move on and not let evil sil ruin your life.
Sil has not won she just thinks she has. whatever she has done will not make her happy. You have a wonderful loving family so move forward and appreciate them. The past is over and done with

We went to the lawyer this morning and it looks like evil sis wins for the most part. I think we just need to move on after this. It's a hard pill to swallow but I know that God will watch over us. This is not right and it hurts but the situation is out of our control,
Thanks for all of you. When I needed to vent you were on this forum offering your kindness.

It is so nice to share with people who have walked in our shoes. Yes thank God we saw her and it was lovely to watch her and my husband talking together. I remember thinking what if this is the last time we see her. I'm glad we hugged and kissed. That is something SIL can't take away even though now she keeps insisting that my MIL forgave my husband on her deathbed. At the end MIL couldn't communicate at all. How horribly cruel and disrespectful to their mom and my husband to tell lies like that. Although we are not surprised. My husband had a POA in 1995 when his mom was lucid. We are going to see if there is anything we can do. It seems like she has won but I do know that karma will seek her out. Can't wait.
Just read your post to my hubbie and he said thank you for your concern and caring words.

I am so sorry for your loss, and so sorry your worst suspicions seem to have been true. Though getting a person with dementia to sign over funds certainly is fraud and exploitation and you would think a prosecuting attorney could be interested, if sister had legal rights to do that via POA papers (validly executed and changed *before* Mom had dementia) there may not be as much they can do. If I read that right though, sister had her change the POA - husband did not resign as POA - and that might have been improper or improperly done, which would give you more of a leg to stand on - and especialy so if you have any medical evidence of incapacity before that change was made. Also, the documents are public - you have a right to see them - and would have to have been notarized and witnessed to be valid. I doubt APS will make it a high priority to help since the person has passed away and can no longer be harmed; they would have been required to investigate if anyone in the medical side reported the injury as inconsistent with the history or with MIL's capabilities. If an APS report was never done, a police report could be filed, and it is possible they could conclude it was not natural causes if there is enough evidence in the medical record. I almost feel like I am grasping at straws on this...but I can't help it, this is all so unjust.

We did not have to go through probate because my's mom's assets were spent on her care, but maybe someone who has been through it can advise whether probate can and will insist on getting the information that sister is still withholding from you on the bank accounts...again, my sincere condolences, my heart really aches to hear this has played out in such a sad way...I guess the only good is that hubby got one more visit with Mom, and at least she can't be hurt any more.

If social services thinks Mom has her mind they won't do anything to help the situation either. BTDT. I'm sorry you lost your Mom when it could have possibility been avoided. I don't know how that works where the bank is concerned. There was a case where a daughter had her dad's POA and transferred his house that he built into her name. They had the audacity to try to evict him and the poor soul was 90 some years old. Some people are just evil.I don't know where you are located but in Va the statute of limitations on fraud is 2 years.I hope this information is being of some help to you. It's the fact that people can do things like this legally though unethical and get a way with it that makes me want to open up a big ole can of whoop a$$ on them until they give back what they stole. The truth is that now I probably couldn't fight my way out of a wet paper bag I've gone so far down hill. I hope you have better luck than I did with that mess you're having to deal with.

It almost could be considered kidnapping in a way. Add to that, suspiscion of fraudulent use bank funds? I wonder if Adult Protective Services would be of assistance to you?

We are seeing a lawyer on Wed. We have been trying to seek some legal advice but the responses are never positive. She had all of their mom's money moved from mother's original bank account and transferred it to another with her name on it. Somehow she convinced the mom who had dementia to put her name on the bank account. She has been so secretive she will not tell my husband where the money is. There's an honest person for you. Because we have to go to probate we are hoping she will have to account to the courts but so far we have been frustrated.

Get your own lawyer, your mom's lawyer will probably be useless to you.

Hello everyone,
I said I would keep you updated about what evil sis has concocted. After hiding MIL for about 2 months my husband and I hired a private detective to find the mom which we did. His evil sis was livid and called him and I every name in the book. Including expletives. Fortunately we still got to see his mom for a little while. When we arrived home 3 days later we got the call that MIL had fallen and found out that she has broken a hip. Evil sis said that MIL was trying to race her to the door. Their mother could barely keep her balance so we know this is a lie. We think evil sis was very negligent. Possibly caused MIL's fall. The story keeps changing about the fall. Because of the surgery and complications MIL passed away on July 21st. We are devastated and think the SIL is responsible. Regrettably MIL did not have a will so everything goes to probate. We believe that SIL has been financially exploiting their mom. When he asked about mom's estate and the bank account she said their mother gave all the money away. That makes no sense because I'm sure his mom felt she was going to live for a while. SIL is a pathological liar and we think she has the money but she will give us not information. Nothing like dealing with a criminal in your family.

i will check into it thank you missymay

Dear momhouseme you can buy the hard copy of the book, Lifecode by Dr. Phil. It really will open your eyes. The beginning is a little redundant but stick with it. You won't be disappointed.

It really is sad. But, I think you did the right thing, filing the restraining order. Did you also file a police report? I hope the state of mind, of your loved one, is stable. My own mother has been very depressed (on and off) since her auto accident, and sometimes wishes she had died in the wreck... she was sooo active, before, and now feels so helpless, which is quite normal, given the circumstance. So, she had suddenly gotten interested in the hand gun in her lock box. I did let her see that it was there, but refused to allow her access to the key... she can't walk, so not likely she would get into the box but sometimes when there's a will there's a way. She did manage to take her keys out of her purse, one day, which had been left in the living room, while she was in her wheelchair... and hid them in a table drawer. Later, she could not find the keys... the keys were there, where she had put them, although I had long taken the lock box key from that key ring and hidden it. Anyway, she saw me looking for something in that drawer, one day, so then started accusing me of "taking her keys"... and when I said I didn't know what she was talking about (because I honestly didn't know she'd put them in the drawer, as I'd taken the lock box key off, before she ever put them in the drawer) she started accusing me of lying. In the past, she'd accused me of "taking her gun" and had to have my brother, who lives next door, come over and settle the deal. So, again, I had to call my brother over, and she said, "call him, I had to call him last time" ... which was incorrect, it was me who called them the time before... anyway, he comes over, and to get her to lighten up, and stop her accusations, he said, "well, if she took your keys, and your gun, then let's call the police right now" ... and, to my shock, she said, "well, call them!" ... my brother told her she could have the keys, and we'd put the gun in a safe place, or she could keep the gun in the lock box, and put the keys away... but she could not have the gun and the keys. We actually put the gun in a safe place and put the keys in a top drawer. Bottom line is, I was shocked that she would make those accusations. I have chosen to sacrifice many things to keep her from a nursing home, and it's pretty darn sad that she doesn't even trust her own care giver, her own daughter and it was totally unfounded. That's all really kinda scary, because I never know when she's gonna come up with something like that, and I"m just fortunate that, thus far, my siblings know that I would not do that sort of thing... and, sad to say, as much as I love my mother, she has always played us against one another and can be quite two-faced... on the other hand, the other's aren't jumping in to take over, as their lives are so full and busy... and she knows that, sees that... but, I get to be the whipping boy... time... patience... and nerves of steel... and lotsa prayer...

It makes me sick to read what our family members are capable of. My brother has called Adult Protective Services on me twice accusing me of both emotional and financial abuse. He assaulted me several weeks back, I got a Temporary Restraining Order, THEN he made these allegations. What shocks me is that Adult Protective Services refuses to close the case (they may be opening a new one with his latest claims), Apparently, he can say anything he wants and I have to defend myself -- when its obvious he is doing it because of the Temporary Restraining Order. I will refuse to speak to them if they contact me again. So now I'm shopping for an attorney. So sad.

I used to work at the post office, was a letter carrier for 15 years. I don't know if it's still possible, nowadays, but it used to be that you could pay something like $2.00 or $3.00 to fill out a little card, of some sort, and it would be sent through the system, and it would be returned with the forwarding address, if they had their mail forwarded from previous address. I was never sure how this did not violate privacy regulations, as we, as letter carriers, were not allowed to EVER reveal the address of anyone, or a forwarding address (although private investigators certainly tried getting that info from me, once, on my mail route). I would go to the window at the post office and request to pay the fill to fill out the card which would give you the forwarding address. Seems, perhaps, it may have been something for businesses, specifically, but I just recall that it blew my mind that filling out the card and paying the $2.00 fee could override privacy regulations/laws. Good luck! I'm so sorry. I have a friend who is going through something similar. Her sister will not allow anyone access to her mother... not even the husband. Again, good luck!

I am a mature female and life has taught me many lessons one is you cannot reason with the devil...but we all have to learn in our own ways...

Hi Everyone It's been a while but we still haven't found my mil. We believe that evil sister has moved but she has a PO box. She is doing everything she can to keep mil isolated from us. We know she has so much to hide. Why else would she hide the address?

i am technology challenged..i have a mac laptop, no kindle etc..can i download the book sigh??

I just downloaded Dr Phil's new book, Lifecode. Wow! It is like he is describing what is happening to so many of us. He calls these characters baiters. Tells everyone to trust your gut when dealing with them.

I think the whole thing is way past reason. Seriously.

My husband wants to see if he can reason with the devil sis. I am telling him what all of you are saying but I have to let him deal with it. I can only suggest. You can believe that I want sil prosecuted. I will send this to his email. Thanks for this comment. It is very informative.

there is your documentation mil fell....xxxx admittted to hospital (get compies of her records now), mri performed results were xxxxxx and the date....then miil lived with sil now sil has taken mil to unknown location..this is kidnapping'/elder abuse...also provide date poa was changed by whom (name of credit union)..u have a case in not only getting some money back if sil has not spent it all, which i doubt, but you also have a case in finding your husbands mother. have you asked sil if you could see mil? if so include the sil response to that inquiry in your documents or any documentation where sil states she won't provide mil location..furthermore...how do you know about the credit union?

since sil did not file a good cause report you should report your mil missing...why havent't you?

more on ip addresses; also see police warrent; your mil is being isolated from her son/your husband and this constitutes elder abuse...look it up. i worked for a domestic violence agency for 9 years i know the laws.of course sil will report that u r thieves just as you are accusing her;....agencies know that everyone reports everyone so you need facts to give to agencies/police/aps etc and let them know in advance that sil will make the accuation about theft..

start with ip address then diagnosis date...you have to have data not just heresay to get authorities involved

I am confused myself. Mil fell and broke a bone in her leg about 6 months ago. She was prescribed a pain med which proved to be devastating. My husband was with his mom when he thought she was having a stroke. Back to the ER where she was admitted. After her MRi it was determined that she had dementia but from what we tell it was dramatic. The only person she recognized at the time was my husband. We know that there will be little money left. He would just like to see his mom. She's 92 and we are not sure how much longer she will know anyone. How terribly cruel sil is being.

the patient must "understand" the document that he/she is signing...being happy and lucid is not proof mil understood what she was doing particularly if she has dementia; it is important to have documentation to a diagnosis date...how knowledgable was mil that last time you saw her.

if the bank rep said mil was competent, who completed the change of poa document? you can read about the types of poa documents and who is required to sign on the various types...i think you should continue to pursue because a person with dementia is typically confused and exectutive functions are the first to go so to speak...poor judgement also occurs early on....an attorney met with me and mom and did not feel my mom understood what was going on poa wise so he declined to grant me poa...my mom hasnt understood alot of paperwork details for a long time..i had to have poa because she was living with me and sister wouldnt talk to us and someone had to be able to make decisions medical and financial for my mom as mom couldnt do it for sure. we found an excellent attorney who spent a great deal of time with mom; she heard the story of why i needed poa then she explained every detail to mom with each explanation which was 2nd grade level mom had to say whether she understood or not and she always understood...thank heavens. then the attorney spoke to mom alone...which the banker should have done to ensure that i wasnt coopercing my mother...all is well poa wise here.

ok all dementia[s are as far as i know progressive...there is dementia of the alzheimer's type and other types also exist;. sounds like mil must have gotten a diagnosis, when? was a stage estimated at the time of diagnosis. if you end up with enought evidence/data, an attorney might be interested in the case as there would be a bank which the attorney could get a settlement from..

the person has to be more than lucid and since when does a bank rep diagnose competency...the whole thing is fishy...if you don[t know which bank how did you learn about the new sil account? doe mil have a dementia diagnosis, if so when was the diagnosis made?