Is this a form of dementia? She recalls an event, that never happened. Then when questioned about it a few days later, adam rly denies saying it. She is 78 years old. Other than this, her memory is pretty good. But when she tells something that's questionable, she defends it violently! And then denies it just as violently. It gets to the point I don't want to talk to her.
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Add a part about your alien abduction, or tell Dad about how embarrassed he made the family when he had an affair with Liz Taylor, but when the Pope forgave him, it was all cool again. Obviously, this tactic will not be appropriate, but it worked for me when I was caring for Ronald Reagan, during his second presidency. That's where he an Nancy got the astrology from. I never *dreamed* they would take it seriously. But that advice got us out of a recession. Didn't work out so well with that Ollie North, but that story's for another day.
She fabricated a scenario where she was "being held prisoner in jail" without privacy, phone use, or the opportunity of "getting out"; she also said that she wasn't getting enough food (but it was the kind of food she wanted that she wasn't getting, in actual fact).
The person who received the letter reported me to the elder care agency in our city, who then contacted the police. There was a full investigation by both and records were made. I received many phone calls and had to deal with many people from both the agency and the police.
I also called a family meeting so that she could be confronted to see the damage she had done, and so that other family members would be aware of the lengths she had gone to because she was trying to manipulate her situation.
Of course she lied about every single detail, from whom she sent the letter to, that it should not have been shown to anyone (what did she think the person who received it was going to do with it? she was only trying to help in what she thought was a real, serious situation!! I don't blame the lady who received it at all, in fact I pride her in trying to do the right thing, I would have done the same), and that she "didn't really mean it", but would not admit she was wrong, nor, naturally, did I get an apology.
My sibling, however, who joined the meeting, got an "I'm so sorry, I didn't think a little letter would cause so much trouble" (yeah right, that was exactly your intent) and a kiss and a hug. He has nothing to do with her caregiving and sees her once a year.
When my mother fell last year resulting in two black eyes, I was terrified that she was going to tell the emerg dr.s that I had done it. She wouldn't take responsibility for the fall either, saying "someone must have dropped some water on the bathroom floor". This was hilarious because she fell in our bedroom, not her bathroom!! I also got grilled on that incident.
Just know that they are very devious, secretive, manipulative, and creative in these stories, and to whom they tell them. Be on guard for YOU!!
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On top of this I realize that not only is it part of her personality, I honestly see that she has always had some sort of borderline personality disorder complicated by narcissism. It ain't pretty!!
This morning we asked him if he was in pain still ... oh yes, he said, as he slapped his chest hard, and jumped down the stairs and did a little jig to get to the coffee machine as fast as he could. Its absolute agony to move, he said, as he stretched up to the top shelf and got a new packet of coffee down. It hurts to breathe, he said as he breathed in deeply and said oh spring is coming.
Would you like a pill for the pain, we asked. Oh no, he said, it doesn't hurt enough for a painkiller.
Who would have thought that a grown intelligent man with two professorships would become like this?
(We have at least 6 - 10 of these "stories" a day)
I gather that as a child no one paid her much attention, so she made up stories that became harder and harder to recall as the years passed. Put simply, she couldn't keep her lies straight.
Her mind is still sharp as a tack, but her memory is quite selective. When she's not aggressively denying she ever said something, she claims her mind is going and fake-cries.
Her croco tears don't fool me anymore, so every now and then I tell her: "When you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything Mom."
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