Help! I've been at this 7 years by myself and I'm losing it! Who else is at their wits end?

Whiner? You've been the primary caregiver for 7 years with limited help and you are accusing yourself of being a whiner?

You're not a whiner. you are burned out and you deserve a break.

When is the last time you had a vacation? Took a day off? Etc...

My opinion is that you contact your Office of the Aging or Department of Social Services to see if you can get respite care.

Or does Mom qualify for assistance (ie: Medicaid). You may be able to get a home health care agency in to assist you.

You deserve it.

I've been caring for my mom for about 6 years, but only about one year in the same home with her. I now have to limit my social life to Sunday afternoons. And my friends understand and try to keep in touch by phone or e-mail. I miss out on some things I used to do with friends, but with no help or family nearby, I'm afraid to leave my mother alone too late at night. I'm fortunate that she is ok by herself during the day. When I can't get out at all, I will have to hire someone. I don't want to make myself sick. Feeling worn out is nothing to be ashamed of - I feel emotionally worn at times being responsible for every aspect of my mother's life from medical to emotional and social. That's why I give myself a break once a week, to recharge. It's sad that there are few good options for the elderly and some that sound good prove to be too expensive. People are living longer than they used to in the days when families took care of their elders, so it is more difficult to avoid burn-out. And family members often don't live close enough to help out. So hang in there and know that you deserve a break now and then, even if it's for a short time period. Take time for yourself early in the morning or late at night when your mother is asleep. I have to pretend I'm going to bed early sometimes, so my mom will go to bed too and I can get some time alone. I think this website is a great caregiver support group, so keep posting when you need to ask a question or just vent. Others are here who understand.

nope, Nope, NOPE. It's not just you. I'm in the same situation. One brother had his attorney send a letter that our mother would be arrested for trespassing if she even visited his home and, of course, he hasn't called or visited my home (my 85 year old mother has lived with my husband & I for 20 + years). And the other brother calls every few weeks but he's no help whatsoever. Its enough to drive you crazy, its as if you somehow have another child who will never grow up and leave.

Sounds like you need respite ASAP! Just remember you are working on your wings and your siblings will get their just rewards in the end. Get some counseling and/or consider placing her in a facility (you did not mention at what stage your mother has dementia). At some point in time you will not be able to manage her daily living requirements unless you are a nurse, but even then she may be too heavy to handle. Try researching all your options for mother's care other than you. Don't kill yourself over this.

In caregiving, it's so easy to become so fixated on everyone else's needs that we virtually disappear. Three years of caregiving seems like a lifetime, and it becomes harder and harder to remember who we used to be. Maybe because we're numbly going through the motions. Days are carbon copies, or just one eternal nightmare that we can't wake up from.

If you can afford it, throw Mom a birthday party as a lure to bring all those ghostly siblings together. Then strike. ... If you don't honk your own horn no one's going to know you're coming. Take the opportunity to ask for help, but make sure Mom's not watching. Good luck my friend.

After 7 years, you are certainly not a whiner! You are a hero! Have you considered residential placement for your mother? There is a limit to what anyone can do and it sounds as though you have done far more than most people.

I admire you. My mother and I, much as I love her, could never co-exist under one roof. I wish you all the best. I would also consult an elder care advisor, if there is one in your community. They're a great source of ideas.

American old people are selfish and think that somehow the grim reaper isn't coming for them. They are bankrupting the economy with their unreasonable demands. I suppose many children put up with it hoping for a payout in inheritance. My advice to you: it ain't worth it. Walk away.

It only gets harder.............. put yourself higher up on the list or you will not be able to continue - you will crash and burn - if you haven't already.

You certainly aren't alone. I started with both parents back in 2005. Now it's just Mom, and I am an only child. I know it's hard! I have left home only once, and that was for just two days. Other than that, I am tethered to my Mom. I've managed to get used to it. I convince myself that I don't want Mom to be gone, so I simply have to put up with it. Whiner, no you are not! You are simply expressing the feelings that many of us here have!