What options are available when doctor orders mom to go into an assisted living or move in with one of us kids?

jennegibbs -- yes, I mean your mom's assets are reviewed not yours.
You had mentioned you were in the process of applying for disability (I think you yourself). If you are caregiving for your mom, that may come into question and affect your opportunity.

joycews, a few clarifications. When one qualifies for Medicaid, one still has free choice of where to go, including stay at home. Not many assisted living places accept Medicaid, and some Nursing Homes don't accept it either, but you may select any facility that accepts Medicaid and has an open bed.

To qualify for Medicaid, a person's income and assets are reviewed. The income and assets of relatives is not reviewed. Mom has to qualify financially; Daughter does not. I wasn't clear about what you were saying regarding "your bank accounts."

lynda3751, I suggest that you apply for Medicaid for your Mom as soon as possible. There is a Medicaid program specifically for helping qualified elders stay in their own or a relative's home, rather than in a nursing home. The program covers incontience supplies, various equipment, etc.

If Mom has lived alone up to now she must have a source of income that covered the rent and food. She should now be using that income to cover the costs of living with you.

I live in NJ. My Mom, who is 81 has lived alone up to now. She has been living with us for apprax 2 months. My Mom is a double bypass patient and sever emphysema stage 5 patient and is on oxygen 24/7. My Mom also has a prolapsed bladder causing sever incontinense. We go through Depends panties very quickly. The expense concerns me . I am able to provide care for her physically but my finances are not so good. Can I get help with the depends or even just with the extra water, heat,electricity being used. I take her to all her appts..buy all of her food. We do provide 24/7. Who should I contact to find out what can be helped with. She fell and fractured her hip but is not a candidate for surgery, too high risk and she is in pain all the time. She walks with a cane but has fallen several times. I need a walker and a wheelchair for her. Please tell me what to do. Thank you so much

If you have filed for disability (not certain if you are in the beginning stage), there are many questions you will be asked in regards to your daily routine. They will ask if you prepare meals for yourself, other family, who does the grocery shopping, etc. If you are a caregiver for someone, that may come into question of how can you be disabled but caregive? Not certain if it differs from state to state nor do I have that much knowledge of disability requirements but every person I have known to have their disability approved was not caregiving someone else.
Also, you mentioned she has little income. It is my understanding (I'm new at this part), that your bank accounts and pension are looked into and then if you have a home, that is attached. A nursing home to my knowledge is not allowed to attach your home if you have a spouse living in the home or a disabled child.
Also, could she qualify for Medicaid? I do believe when someone does qualify, they have to go where a bed is available. It is not always close to home even though they do try as much as possible to keep you close to your family if they can. Good luck and (((hugs))).

It doesn't really sound like you could take her in. You live in SC, she doesn't want to live in SC. You are in a new marriage and your husband is worried about this possibility. You are in poor health. Your finances are not stable.

My suggestion is that along with your siblings who want to participate you start researching assisted living or nursing homes in the area where your mother wants to live.