My 75 year old father is currently living at home by himself. He is frail and has difficulty walking. He can care for himself for the most part, but hormone therapy and radiation treatment for a moderately aggressive form of prostate cancer has made his mobility more difficult. He has had 2 episodes now where he cannot move himself. He did not use the alert pendant he has because he thought ambulance would show up despite me going over the use of the device that would begin by contacting a neighbor to check on him especially if he can tell the operator what is wrong. I am not sure he could have even pushed the button when he tells me how weak his body and even arms were. I can't bear the thought of him lying there without anyone to help him. My brother seems to think if he can care for himself in every other way we should let him stay home alone. My brother travels a lot for work, his wife is helpful but has a 2 year old to care for. When my dad called me at work telling me he couldn't move himself this last time I called her to ask her to go to him. She asked me if I thought it was a real emergency or if she could finish her breakfast first. I don't know if it's me overreacting or them in denial. I have children, a job, and a husband and I can't go running over there at a moments notice. I gave everything I had when my mother was sick with an aggressive cancer a year ago. I am still buying back my retirement for lost work. I don't have it in me to be on 24/7 call. My 8 year old daughter panics because she thinks I am leaving again like I did with my mom. I can't put my family through that again. My father's situation is not as severe, but my fear of hurting my family is. I want my father to come and live with me or my brother. Even if it's just for these next couple of months to finish his treatment, but I am only 95 pounds and I'm not even sure I could provide for his needs being lifted if he becomes that weak. Am I overreacting?
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Since your loved one is feeling so fragile from radiation therapy to the point of being unable to push the button on the emergency device and having two episodes where he couldn't move himself, and you're worried that he would be laying there helpless, he needs 24 hour care assistance. Rest assured that there are plenty of resources available to help and alleviate caregiver burnout. Agencies like VNSNY are fully equipped with all necessary resources and have of numerous programs that help the patient while allowing family members to continue working and fulfilling their primary family obligation needs. Programs range from Medicare Service Assistance, to Medicaid long term care (MLTC), to private pay, to hospice care, etc. There are many skilled personnel that are available to help no matter how complex the patient needs may be. But your loved one does need 24 hour care given the circumstances.
Regards,
Renata Gelman, ADON, RN, BSN
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I had in-home nursing, PT, and home health care for my Dad when his situation first turned difficult. This was followed up by private-pay companion care for four hours/day, seven days/week for over two years. Recently this changed to live-in care on a private arrangement rather than through an agency, which was going to be more affordable for him.
If he is a veteran and has less than $80,000 in funds, the VA has some benefits that will help pay for assisted living. They will more readily pay for this in an Assisted Living Facility than at home for some reason, but you might be able to get some help there as well.
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