She says I stuck her there without consulting her. She constantly packs up her things. She wants me to take her to her home. She says she doesn't want to stay there all winter. Yesterday, my son and I went for the Mother's Day brunch and she said she thought I was there to take her home. When I said I wasn't-that she lived there now, she refused to go to the brunch and went to bed crying. Even when my older brother and sister-in-law visited the day before, she was angry with me, because she said that my dad (who's been deceased for 17 years) and I went to the beach without her. I love my mom and want to visit her often, but I get her so upset when I do...I don't know what to do! If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears!
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How is she when you are not there? What is the staff's impression of how she is doing?
I think that MishkaM has some good advice. Above all remember that it is the disease causing her outbursts.
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I think you need to keep reminding yourself that it is not her talking but her disease. Also, I think that the elder picks on the one they are MOST comfortable with. So in a way that is a compliment. She feels more secure with you to tell you how she is really feeling and not trying to " show off"- is that the right term? Where the elder with dementia tries to act "normal".
My advice is to totally tune out the negative statements she says and return them with an I love you. Or a compliment. For example:
MOM: " you and Dad went to the beach without me!!!!!"
YOU: " you look very pretty today. Is that a new blouse/nightgown/ socks/ ? "
MOM: how could you do that?
YOU: I love you so much Mom, do you know that?
MOM: NO.
YOU: well , I do, I love you. I remember when I was little and we....(fill in with a good memory)
If she chooses to cry in bed I would let her. I would say "well we came for the Mother's Day brunch so we are going down there. We would love to have you join us. Just call a nurse if you want to come and we will see you there. "
I am sorry you are going through this. Did you have a good relationship with your Mom prior to her diagnosis? It is hard when you are caring for a parent who did not make the best decisions when caring for you.
Just some suggestions. Good luck!