I am a Physical Therapist in Denver. My mother lives with her husband in Iowa, but, because she has started wandering he is afraid she will get out if he isn't right there. He is putting her in a locked facility. Should family members visit, call, send flowers the first week or do they need time to adjust to their new surroundings?
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My mom is in an AL and confined to a wheelchair, but she is mentally fine. Over the two years she been there, we witnessed friends of hers succumb to the gradual deterioration that is Alzheimer's. It is heartbreaking. Those that were formally able to go out in the garden are now not able to as they have lost the ability to recognize their surroundings and people they used to know and trust.
You perhaps didn't realize that the OP, slyonspt (and this is to you my dear) lives in Denver and her mother is in Iowa with her husband taking care of her.
Slyonspt, Your mom's husband has to be EXHAUSTED and I want you to know he and you did the right thing. I know you were not asking for back up in that, but I want to negate the naysayers. You did the right thing to protect those that will continue to love and care for mom in a more manageable situation. All I have to say is follow your instincts and the people in the facility as far as visits/phone calls. Another poster's analogy to Kindergarten was fitting, though we have to respect them as elders. It's gut-wrenching and hard all the way around.
Hope it all goes as well as it can....((Hugs))
Slyonspt - Bless you and your parents as you move down this road. Never let someone else determine what's right for your situation.
and the family than the one move." He agreed with that , and she has done well
and adjusted coming out of the rehab. hospital time to a temp. nursing home
down the street to her new assisted living locked facility. The apartment feeling
of the assisted living is great and we stayed for a few days in town, but we
live 500 miles away and had to return. Other family members in the area have
helped by checking in on her.
Giving your mom contact as usual would be my suggestion. Calling her on her phone just as you always would or visiting as normal will give her (as it did my mother ) a sense of normalcy.She should adapt very well quite soon.
Having her same furnishings and colors of
room or decor can help as well to give her a comfortable home environment. If
you can't take the furnishings from your dad's house, make sure some of her
favorite pieces go with her--grandma's rocker, her favorite sofa or chair, anything
that is special to her.....maybe a piece that was a gift from your father. Pictures on
the wall that she is familiar with will help to give that sense of home also.
If your dad can occasionally stay over, or stay until she goes to sleep, that can be a comfort to her also. There will be an adjustment period, but the care and help will be a blessing to your mom, dad, and family.
FYI Just drop in to visit , so you can see how she and the place are
doing when they do not expect you. When I leave now, mom just goes to her
mealtime or visits with a neighbor after goodbyes as she did when we used to
see her at home. It is just a different normal.
Best of blessings in the transition.
I think at a point there is a risk/freedom/cost matrix that every family has to deal with. NOTHING can guarantee that your loved one won't get hurt (folks fall in locked facilities with supposed 24 hr supervision all the time).
Just my two cent's worth -- if your loved one is wandering out of the house at night & firing the caregivers they are likely not able to make rational judgement (though they may be socially adept -- seen this one first hand) & it may be time to "be the parent" -- night person or facility & "no choice" or "let's talk about it later" NOT options. If you don't already have DPOA get it.
StaceyLee- I find here on this site and in my own surroundings that every family situation is different. You sound like you have good family support; so important where many of us do not have that. If you think ur Dad is in danger of hurting himself or others, than you might want to start investing places around you. But it sounds like he is still able to walk and care for himself? Not sure. You can always have your local social services/human services department come over and make an evaluation. That's what they are there for. Good luck!
-SS
We moved her to a "locked nursing home unit" for people with dementia and she enjoyed the new people, and was very comfortable for the first few weeks. She then began to think she was in a hospital, forgetting where she was. Then she became agitated more. I kept asking her if they are taking good care of her. She always said, "oh yes, they are wonderful here." I always followed with "good, I'm so glad they are taking good care of you." Then we would move on to another topic. Sometimes other residents would jump in and say to her, "hey just think, we don't have to make meals, do laundry..... We are lucky!" I would thank them and she became more comfortable as we all got to know the other residents and she became a "part of the group." I feel she is getting much better care than I was able to provide.
BTW - she never got to a stage where she was a wanderer. There are so many different types of dementia. She now can't walk, and barely talks, but is comfortable.
It takes time, but you are doing what is right for you and your mom.