I had to call adult protective services about my parents because they can no longer care for themselves but refuse nursing home care. What now?

You may want to contact a professional guardian to help you through all of this.

In our case a neighbor call protective services on my mom (who was living with my brother). She was wandering and he couldn't control her. Protective services was basically useless, other than calling me at work on a daily basis. We tried bringing in a caregiver but my mom wouldn't pay any attention to her either. In the end, the police were called and my mother was taken to the psych ward until we could set her up at an assisted living/dementia unit. It was a tough process to go through and I wish we had known how to get her placed without going through all this but we couldn't get authorization to make decisions for her until the police got involved. We even tried seeing a doctor to have her declared incompetent but he wouldn't make the determination. There is a lot of great legislation to protect your parents rights but few processes for dealing with the time when they can not care for themselves and are unable to make decisions. Mom is now in a very good memory care program close to me BUT I can't say she is happy with the situation. At some point you have to accept that you can create safety but not happiness. Good luck.

My mom was all alone dementia and the caseworker was useless. My mom was 108 pounds down to 73.Her house dirty walking all over town in the street not knowing where she was. The police had to bring her home so as soon as the police did this we had him write a report on the caseworker. She ended up at the hospital until a room was ready at the nursing home. She now has a guardian that takes care of her needs. I am in another state and my sister was cleaning out her money and letting her starve. We found out the caseworker was fired . The police had to get involved before my mom got help. She is in the nursing home where she is safe

Yes, kind of. I moved my parents out of their home because it was apart around them and they were both falling all the time. The house smelled with urine because my father was incontinent but they didn't even have the sense to start buying depends and my mother self medicated around the clock.

It was good that you called human services but what I found was you have to be ON them to make anything happen.Do you have any siblings that can help? Are POA? Is dementia an issue here?

Tell us more....

-SS

Ladybug - first an investigation will be launched and your name will remain anonymous (always). If the caseworker thinks they are a danger to themselves then she can file with your attorney general to put into place a hearing so that professionals can examine them and make a determination about their whereabouts. Good luck!

Maybe work with someone from legal aide for seniors, or someone who can have some authority or pull with your parents to tell them that it really is a good idea to have you helping them rather than having the authorities step in? Pastor, Doctor, whatever? If enough other people get involved it isn't just a battle of the wills with you "trying to tell them what to do" or "take away their indepencence". I made the mistake of NOT pushing enough, & it was a disaster (professional conservator=NIGHTMARE)
Sometimes it takes multiple APS visits to get something to happen. People fight fiercely for their independence, put on a good front, & tap-dance like crazy & come up with every unlikely excuse about why it isn't a problem that there are burn marks & urine everywhere, how everything is fine, you are over-reacting, they have ALWAYS done things this way, you are just after their money, it is none of your business etc. etc. etc.

I also have parents in the same situation. they both are unsteady on thier feet and refuse to move out of the house. they are constantly expecting everyone to take care of them and the house. this house also smells terrible. dad is losing bladder control and wets himself constantly. all four of us have tried to get them into a assisted living facility, but they refuse to go. Mom has cataracts, hearing loss, fluid in her legs and ankles and a cyst on top of her head the size of a golf ball. she refuses to do anything about any of this. dad has been in and out of the hospital with bladder infections and really should be wearing depends but won't. I wish I had the guts to call someone in to take them out of there. I give you high marks for taking that large step. I would help them get into a assisted living facility and once they realize that they are safer there than in thier home, they will hopefully forgive you. Bless you for taking such good care of your parents

They are very ill, mom on dialysis, dad with congestive heart failure, they are both diabetic and both have vision problems. Dad is incontinent and is always wet. I dont think he can change himself. Mom has some dementia. my morbidly obese sister moved in with them and she is diabetic (uncontrolled), cant bathe and is incontinent. She is also a hoarder, keeping piles of food gargage in her room. Ive begged, pleaded, detatched nad finally was advised by everyone i consulted to call APS and let them know about the situation. they fall often and mom has started several fires. I can no longer visit because my sister gets violently angry. So does my dad. I cant afford to get an attorney. Wil they make them move to nursing home? What about my adult (54) sister? Will they place her in a home?

ladybug, I have not gone through this - just wanted to say I think it is brave of you to take this step! is your home open to them or is that not an option? Just wondering. Please let us know how this goes as there are a few of us on here that may need to be making that hard step.

Blessings to you and yours!!!

My Mom was left alone after my Dad was put in a home. She was taken advantage of by a friend. Hundreds of dollars,if not more,were given to this person. I should never have left her alone in the house. But hindsight is 20/20. So in my opinion,if you thought this was the best for their health and safety,then you did good.