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Sybilll Asked May 2013

Mom recently passed, sister with OCD lives with Dad? She does not understand Dad's dementia. What do I do?

My mother passed away in March after a year of being in and out of the hospital seven times and Hopsice twice. My father has Parkingson's. My sister who has OCD lives with my father, but she really is just a body in the house to make sue he takes his meds and eats. I am POA and go on Friday's after work and stay until I have to go to work on Monday morning. I also pay all of the bills do grocery shopping, take time off from work to take my Dad to any and all doctor's appointments as I did with my mother. I also cook and do laundry on the weekends. My sister does not handle my father's demnetia. When my father gets in one of his moods that he is going out or to work, etc. She losses it. Screaming and saying mean things to him. I've tried to explain to her about dementia. I have even printed things off of the internet for her to read and try to understand. At this point I am burned out and my health is not good. I would like to put my father in a nursing home but my sister does not want me to and when my dad is at himself he does not want to go. My sister will have to come and live with me, because she has no where else to go. Any suggestion how i should handle this. I'm really burned out after the year we had with my mother in addtion to being afraid on the health report I am going to get from the doctor my next appointment.

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF May 2013
I agree with your father needing other care. Your sister has a serious condition and her OCD likely makes it impossible for her to handle the stress of coping with your dad's Parkinson's. You will be taking on a great deal just caring for your sister, so your dad would likely be better off with reliable care.

This won't be easy, as you already know. Reassuring your sister that you'll both be able to take better care of Dad if he has professional caregivers may help. Tell her how your dad will stiffen up physically and will need so much physical care that it won't be safe for him for the two of you to do it alone. Try to explain this to him, as well. This move would be for his safety and well being. Make sure that they both understand that you will visit often and still be his caregivers(s).

Does your sister have a social worker? Maybe this person could help you with some of the questions since she or he will know of your sister's disability. Your dad's doctor may also be a resource for support.

You will need support too. I hope you come back and join the community here. You also may want to attend a Parkinson's caregiver support group.
Take care,
Carol

Sybilll May 2013
I Aplogize for not responding sooner. I had some medical issues of my own that I had to address. There is someone that comes in for 4 hours Monday-Friday to help my sister, but becasue of her OCD she only allow them to do so much. I spend every weekend and Holidays and sometimes during the week if my sister is having a hard time with my Dad. I wish she did have a social worker. I have tried to get her on some type of disability but the system works against you. The only thing she was able to get were food stamps. I would like to put my fatgher in a nusing home but unless he and my sister but agree. I can't. I have always felt responsible for my sister even as children. My parent did not know how to handle her OCD.

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