My 78 year old Mother has dementia and has not talked much this past year. Three days ago, she started making the crackling sounds when she breathes, due to her difficulty swallowing. She has no fever. She is eating. She takes oxygen as needed - as of a day ago. For the past three days, she has been talking - so much more than the past year. This is wonderful and sweet, but I am mystified as to why. She does say random things, but she is also able to respond to questions. It is almost like her brain has been asleep this past year as she talked so little. Anyone else experience this with their loved one?
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That means, all the professionals believe her condition has progressed far, and will end in death sooner than later.
You could make sure any meds are not causing her silence or confusion--even in hospice, meds should be considered, when a person is having any neuro issues/behaviors.
Usually, Hospice workers would explain, that while it is common for brain functions to change over time, it is unusual for a person silenced by dementias, to suddenly start talking, even gibberish.
But one cause of this might be "rallying".
When a person "rallies" , that is, when they are really deteriorated, then suddenly kinda come-to and start brightening up, in contrast to how they've been, it could be one signal the person is nearing death--especially if the person rallies, then drops back into their previous state, say, between hours to a few days..
You described rattling in airways that --was it not there before?
It's also an indicator the person is having some trouble clearing fluids from lungs, breathing is impaired? Swallowing is impaired?
If this is new, it may also be an indicator that death is nearing.
Please look at:
Her fingers and toes. Has color of those changed, too? Gotten more discolored, either bluer, or more mottled?
Any ankle/foot swelling gotten worse--changed so that fingers pressed into the swelling leave dents in it, or, more swelling higher up on the leg?
All those kinds of things might be indicators of the body slowing/failing faster now, readying for final transition.
Please ask the Hospice Nurse about these, so they can see if those seem to fit the situation.
At this point, one must consider whether getting the person to take vitamins and coconut oil is really helping, or if it is causing decreased quality of life?
Would Mom want to have anything done to prolong her life in this condition?
When we hospiced my Mom's DH here, he lived 3 months longer than Docs pronounced. He was able to speak and interact with people.
There was improved quality of life, under our roof, over where they had lived.
We also used nutritionals, homeopathics, that imprinted water [writing good words on the glass], and other alternatives.
These did seem to help keep him more comfortable, longer, and seemed to keep his heart condition from worsening as fast.
In the end, though, he was out of what was left of his mind, hallucinating, unable to speak much, and his heart was seriously failing--there was simply nothing anyone could do to bring him back from the edge, as his overall health had deteriorated so far, by the time we got him under our roof.
Near the end, he, too, had a bit of a "rally", then transitioned fast.
His lasting 3 months longer, was a bunch of miracles.
Though, if at any time his quality of life had diminished, I would have suggested to stop trying to get anything but basic things into him for comfort.
You do what you feel is "comfort" for your Mom;
what helps you to feel better about the situation,
while keeping her personal situation above all others--including yours.
This is her path and adventure; nothing any of us can do, can prevent death.
All we can do is be there, be compassionate, talk with them, be their advocate, a kind of midwife to help them through their process.
We might stall it off a bit, but we need to consider if that is appropriate.
Only you and her caregivers can evaluate that.
Meanwhile, enjoy that she started talking some, and touch her--hold hands, hug, stroke her hair.
Tell her you love her, as you have been doing.
These 3 statements, spoken lovingly, to a person facing death [or anywhere else!], make the biggest beneficial impact:
"Thank you for what you taught me"
"I forgive you any errors"
"I love you"
...and blessing them with gentle human touch and reassurances.
Sometimes, our loved ones need permission to let go, too--they hang on, wishing to do things they still wanted to do, things they might miss, fears of what lies ahead, etc.
When my Gma was nearing death, she suddenly doubted all her beliefs held for a lifetime. She'd been doubting and reviewing her life for a long time, feeling guilty about all her errors.
She needed reassured her beliefs still were real, that it was pure love, and given permission to cross over to the light, that all her pain would be gone in an instant. She was not able to get that thru her head at first, but hearing it also from another hospice nurse, she got it, and let go.
It was very hard to deal with, as her death was heavily contributed to by the hospital. She had a very long, full life, done much to help so many others.
We could possibly have fought harder to prevent death, but at what cost to her quality of life, which had already been seriously compromised?
We had to remember her strongly stated wishes when she was more lucid, and not in the tormented moment when she was emotionally chewing over all her life errors and guilts. It was more important to make sure she didn't suffer more than she already had, and to let her go with some shreds of dignity still left.
Had she lived, she'd have been bedridden, on pain meds, unable to enjoy food, unable to enjoy anything--and that could have continued for several more years. We had to be her advocates, as she had been ours when we were young.
We love, and we eventually must simply let go.
Laughing my BUTT off!
Blessings..
Yes, funny one liners do pop out and cause a burst of laughter!
Precious. No inhibition.
Ps we have music on all the time because she cannt see or understand tv and it makes her feet go sometimes.
I do play music on her Bose - and she responds well. Will do so today as I have not done so regularly.
Blessings to each of you!
Oh, the care of our parents is a joy and heartache, isn't it?
my mom has become more meek and kind with the progression of dementia. she used to be quite the gossip machine. she even speaks kindly of the daughter that shes battled with for 60 years.