What is the next step for mother who refuses medical care and most help?

Listen to the social worker! I was constantly enabling my mother with her wants and needs so that she could live independently in her own home. It got to a point where it was just too much for me plus living an hours drive from her. I started limiting my time with her and doing only the most needed of things for her. The guilt at first was immense, but as time went on it got less and less. My mother finally realized she had to hire outside help instead of using me as her freebie servant. Distancing myself from her was the best thing I could do for myself. As long as my mother wants her independence and freedom to make her own choices then she will have to accept the responsibilites that comes with it and not deligate those responsibilities to me. If she tries to resort back to her old ways, I back away and distance myself. My mother isn't pleased about my choices, but then she can either go to assisted living or disown me and try and sucker in one of my other siblings. My mother basically destroyed the close relationship we use to share by using me to make her happy and content with no consideration at all for me. Now, I take care of me first and enjoy my life to the fullest.

It sounds like the worst kind of drama! best wishes.

And the drama continues. One of my sisters is telling my mom that I'm trying to take moms house from her. All this days before my mom is expected to have heart surgery. And my mom apparently believes her. I am the only o e one who does anything for my mother (and I do alot) and this is what I get. Told my sister she can gladly do it all if they thinking not to be trusted but of course she so won't. Not sure how much longer I can put up with this nonsense.

Thanks sisterhelp and vstefans. I finally talked mom into going to the ER with me on Monday, thank god. We found out she has congestive heart failure, and propably wouldn't have made it through the summer without treatment. She is very unhappy being in the hospital now, but I think she at least recognizes that she will die very soon without care. Now I'm worried about her going back home after she is released. I know she won't come to live with me, but it is becoming more obvious now how much help she needs and how much she has neglected her health and other things. Tough one. Win one battle and stumble across a bunch of potential others.

Rather than waiting for disaster to strike, you have the option of getting a physician evaluation and getting a statement of incompetency, in which case a DPOA normally takes effect. If that is not in place or is contested, you are then looking at guardianship proceedings which is more difficult but sometimes has to be done. If you can't get mom to a geriatric center for a full evaluation, it is possible that a home health company could come in and do some evaluation with her. But other than having clear evidence that she really cannot (rather than just will not) take care of herself in her own home and is a danger to herself and/or
others they will not take her right to make her own decisions away from her. If you have to follow the social worker's advice, pick the things that are non-life-threatening to allow her to neglect, e.g. lawn care, ironing, bills such as magazine subscriptions, let stacks of mail pile up to a degree after pulling out only the critical bills like the house and utilities. If you can get all the critical stuff to where you can pay those online or have them auto-paid it may work. This is a tough spot to be in.

i am dealing with a similar situation..but not a parent..my sister. She is a long term diabetic with all the complications that go along with it and it is getting to the point that she needs not to be living home alone..I too am getting burned out..as I feel she is not grateful ..I get yelled at and verbally abused by her..I know her bad behavior has a lot to do with depression. she is also a very difficult person to be around and it has taken a toll on me as well..Perhaps I also should stop enabling her..but I feel guilty and continue to try and help..i am so frustrated, tired of the verbal and emotional abuse and I also see no end in sight..