Moved Mom into assisted living last week, and now she wants out. Can she legally move?

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myrnasdaughter Asked June 2013

Moved Mom into assisted living last week, and now she wants out. Can she legally move?

Her Doctors explained why she could no longer live alone and she agreed and understood everything that needed to be done.,,,move into her new place, have estate sale for remaining things and sell her townhome in order to pay for her care. She has memory issues, fibromyalgia, severe depression and on so many medications (narcotics etc..) and has been living with us for the past 2 months until we could get her into the new place. During that time, her health has improved greatly, and now she thinks she is all better and wants to move back home and not sell the house. She also wants her car, and I don't think she should drive because of medication and new town and surrounding town and would get lost. QUESTIONS: Can she legally move out of assisted living at her own will? Can the Doctors take away her right to drive a car? If I have Power of Attorney for her, and am responsible for her finances, can she stop the process of selling her townhome, which is a large source of monies to be used for her care? She is angry with me and says that I am taking everything away from her. We have never had problems with trust until this week. I'm hurt, exhasted and worried that she can leave assisted living. PLEASE HELP ME!

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score 0 · Answer 1

Feel good because you are a responsible daughter. Do what is right not what Mom decides, she is not fully able to make decisions.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Thanks LEP627! I'll call our Attorney tomorrow. Good luck with you problems too. This is such a hard time, and I feel the guilt too.

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score 1 · Answer 3

Wow! I feel for you. Don't overreact (yet). If she has memory issues & you have POA, you need to call your attorney. My attorney told me I can sell my Mom's house, but I am not at the point where I want to rock the boat, yet. I have some legal issues to deal with (my brother assaulted me in April); my Mom had allowed him to move back here (after she kicked him out last year). So I'm using the Temporary Restraining Order as leverage to get him to sign, so he won't cause further problems (after the Temporary Restraining Order, he called Adult Protective Services and made false allegations against me twice), not to mention the $15,000 of medical bills!

If your Mom has memory issues, you probably signed the agreement for her. Just be patient with her -- and talk to your attorney and any other support agencies you are familiar with. They will help you. I know my Mom will be exactly the same way. Like you don't feel guilty enough ...

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score 0 · Answer 4

Thank you everyone that responded! I appreciate your insights!

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score 1 · Answer 5

Very frustrating when elderly parents can retain their rights when the responsibilites of their decisions, fall on the shoulders of their adult children. Elderly parents need to be willing to compromise with their adult children or accept the responsibility of their choices.

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score 1 · Answer 6

Yes, she can move and probably will, if you keep resisting. Talk to the staff at assisted living. This won't be the first time that they have faced this. Did she sign a 12 month lease at this facility? That might be a reason that she would stay.

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score 1 · Answer 7

agitation generally stems from loss of control. present your mothers options to her and at least give her the impression that shes making her own decisions.

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score 3 · Answer 8

Unfortunately, I think she probably can move, unless she is declared incompetent. How severe is her dementia?

A doctor can't prevent her from driving, but should report her to DMV if in his or her judgment it is not safe for her to drive. (Persons with dementia are not safe to drive!)

Again, if she is legally competent, she probably can stop the process of selling her townhome.

But before you get too concerned about the legalities give her more time to settle in. The first few weeks may be the hardest. She may discover she likes having her meals prepared for her and having access to social activities and transportation to shopping and whatever the facility offers.

And try not to take her accusations personally. This is a huge change for her, and she is lashing out. That is the dementia speaking.

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Moved Mom into assisted living last week, and now she wants out. Can she legally move?

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