Does anyone have to deal with a home-from-college teen (female) who has upset the quiet equilibrium we had with 93 yr old dad? HELP!

To everyone's replies here I want to say THANK YOU so much! Loving her through it combined with a bit of tough love has worked well. She has come around and the attitude is gone. She has cobbled together 3 separate jobs to save $$ & she even pays us $20/wk board! We have opened a bank acct & are socking it in there to surprise her with it when she graduates as the 1st payments for 2 student loans. So she is working hard & to her credit is conscientious too. I LOVE THIS SITE! It's group therapy! Very helpful!

I have to agree with Madge - set some boundaries. You do her no service by allowing her to get away with bad behaviour. I wish I had done that more with my daughter. At times, she had taken advantage and I am seeing it more clearly now and setting limits. To some extent it depends on the personality of the child. My sons are different - one is a real giver, one is right down the middle and my daughter is a taker. In my grandchildren I can see the same - one giver, one down the middle, and one taker. Good luck! Let us know how it works out.

captain, you're a hoot! often these posts can get pretty serious, and depressing, quite frankly. At least you inject humor in these circumstances....keep 'em coming. Kids of this generation do have a sense of entitlement. I see it all the time.

If it's any consolation my daughter has graduated from College at home and is looking for a full time job...But I know come Sept. this will change when all her friends will be either be back in school or working...I have had no problem telling her that things are different around here with her Grandmother being 91 with dementia and my life is nothing like it was when she was younger..Grow up and except they way life is now, things change and we have to change with them...I had to cut those apron strings....

I have three daughters. I had one who was the best daughter any parent could want. Top of the class, valedictorian, went to Ivy league school. Came home after her first year, was a total A-Hole. She is now 12 years older, much nice but not all the A-Hole disappeared.

I have twins who went away to University of Florida, became nurses. One is a little prickly (as we say in the family) at times, the other a total sweet heart.

I don't think it is necessarily college that makes them the way they are, I just think it is part of their growing up, growing independent and growing into who they really are.

With the Ivey League princess, I set boundaries and things began to change. Sometimes these kids will take advantage of you if you let them. You have to be tough and demand respect.

They all eventually grow up, hopefully sooner than later.

i send my youngest kid a text every now and then that says " suck balls " . he knows what i really mean from the heart is suck balls !!

She is an adult. She doesn't like her environment she can look elsewhere. Your daughter is not entitled to disrespect you.

Boy does this ever ring true in my life! My son is 22, active duty military (as were his father and I), but behaves as if we really don't exist. He comes home on leave and just wants to hang out with old high school buddies who still live in the area (all still live with their parents and don't appear to be leaving anytime soon). His elderly grandparents would love to see him, but heaven forbid I should suggest this. I do have to agree, the best way through this stage (cause you can't go around it, ya gotta go through it!) is to find a way to let them know you love them and that you are thinking of them. For me, it's a weekly text to say "hey, I love, I thinking of you". Wishing you peace and happiness on your journey :)

My daughter is 23 and home working for the summer. The word "freeloader" comes into my head from time to time. I strongly agree with the sentiments of "keep loving her" but also sit down - go our for coffee - and have a frank talk if you can. It also seems like I am yelling at my mom as she is quite deaf. I also truly YELL at her from time to time when she is being a total B***. I came to the point of wanting to charge my daughter rent but her boyfriend came from quite a distance to stay with us for a few week and she upped her game. (heehee) Let's see what happens when he leaves.

Tough love. You need to sit down with her and tell her that you need her support as you care for your father - and that if she continues to disrespect you and your father, she needs to find another place to live. Set your boundaries.

I can relate to having a child you don't like. Fortunately, with my daughter, that was age 8 to 11. She's 22, and often a pain, and really often a disruption, but now I can watch her start to grow into a wonderful adult.

Love her through it. It's not fair, and she is being a b**ch, but love her through it. She will get better. Don't take it personally. She has probably displaced all her faults onto you, so that she can endure being herself. She's glad to be "free", and terrified to be free. Be glad you don't have to live inside all that angst.

If you can stand to, I recommend saying "susie, I love you, even though you're being a bitch." or "I'm sorry you have such a horrible mother. But I do love you." It will remind her that you love her, let you be the bigger person, and really pi** her off, which is a bonus!

Haha-I was just a teasing you cap'n .

Jeannegibbs --I think I am getting old because my first thought to your post was -"kids now of days are all late bloomers!" :^\

Cap'n -make peace with your son! Do it! NOW!

She's a late bloomer, isn't she? Often that surly stage happens at the end of high school.

The summer won't last forever, and neither will this self-centered stage. Unlike an elder with dementia, she is going to get past this and improve! Count the days. And have faith that this too shall pass.

@ khtln,
my youngest son worked with me for 13 years and 2 years ago he blew out of here mad. when were together now it goes straight to hell in about one hour. neither of us flex much any more. i hope he never comes back, we wouldnt get along.

i can take a poke mishka. lol. no, i find the beauty in the older gals . the young ones are annoying..

She turned you down , huh, cap'n ? ;0)

i blame the higher education institutions. my friend daughter has attended two years at iu and has turned into an entitled feminist prick. everything is about her gender and how much each should contribute towards a meal, etc. it saddens me as i dont imagine a good man ever tolerating her venom.

Love her through it , kthln3, love her through it. I remember coming home from college my first year and having a hard time adjusting to being at home again--going from thinking only of myself and my needs to remembering that I was part of a family. Pretty soon she will probably not even opt to come home during her breaks -that is what I did. I think God makes "em bratty at that age so we want it get them out of the house and on their own! :0) I mean, if she were a delight maybe you would want her to stick around and she may not leave the nest---now I bet you can't wait! ;0)

Hang in there--- (((hugs))))