Mother in law has medical issues I have to keep explaining over and over because she forgets. Is this the right approach?

I have the same issues with my mother. It seems that it is best to keep your answers as short as possible but enough to satisfy. In 5 minutes they will have forgotten what you said anyway, so just assure them that you love them and the doctors are working to make them feel better. Too much information is confusing to them and they get upset so KISS...."Keep It Simple Stupid." I must reassure my mother 50 times a day that the dog has already eaten and writing it down does not help at all, work on keeping a pleasant tone....that helps too.

the army term for ill is " brokedick " your brokedick bitch, it is part of old age. lol. im gonna get tossed off here with little fanfare, im just having some fun doin it. seriously tho, downplay her dx. my mother has kidney cancer thats spread to her lungs and bones. i dont have to tell her that, i just tell her that at 81 yrs old shes been a fortunate individual and i managed to get a comfortable , electrically controlled recliner under her today. shes still brokedick but she has comfort selections. ps.AC lick anus !!

You can't make them understand. And it so heartbreaking that sometimes they seem to get it. And Poof it's gone. Well the MIL got through her first iron infusion without too much trouble or too many questions. Although she thought it was Wednesday. But there will be 3 more. I know proper nutrition would help, but she doesn't eat properly even though I cook and leave her nutritious food to eat. She can still use the microwave to heat up. In fact I found out she can still cook a bit, but won't. She is sooooo tired and would prefer to rake the lawn than cook. She also seems to love folding plastic bags. I will continue to answer once or twice and then just reassure her that she will be well taken care of and loved. She really needs assisted living, but won't hear of it yet.

I have this problem with my Dad, too. It happens with all kinds of things: he asks the same question he's asked 6 times already, I explain it all over again, then he gets mad and says "I'd like to know why no one ever tells me things like this!". I've been wondering what to do about this. The worst one is about every 2 months, when he starts demanding to know why he can't go up the street from the ALF, hop on a bus, and go shopping without me going too. He gets so angry, and yells. Any ideas?

Thank you all for your suggestions. Since this is my MIL and not my mother, I am letting my husband handle most of this. He usually lets her know the night before what the next day will bring. She always asks "why did you come? But I really feel for him. And sometimes intervene. Like the time she was ready to take a swing at him I simply stepped in front and she restrained herself. I think I will limit my visits and let them work it out while I tell my husband how wonderful he is and work extra to make up for the lost income. It's a 2 1/2 hour drive each way which we have been doing weekly with an overnight for over 4 months now. That on top of working full time leaves little resource for answering the same question multiple times. And we are both over 60. I am not the person to do this. I think she is even less cooperative when I am there because she has never really taken to me. And after all I took her only son away from her. she once told me it was the worse thing that ever happened to her. Some of my most important life lessons came from her--I learned what I never wanted to do. But I have compassion for an old, sick woman fearful and and losing all control. I am happy to help however I can, but am not sure what that is. I give my husband the heads up when I see a physical problem that needs to be given attention. Or if I notice a change of any sort indicating a problem. He is not very atune to those things.
Maybe I should even step back on that and let nature take its course.

Gigi11 -

You're right. With my father, it worked to let him know plans at the last minute. These were "optional" excursions, so if he dug his heels in, I would just give in. If I gave him more than 1/2 hour to fret, he would always refuse to go.

Sometimes my dad and I play a game. He asked me the same "why" questions 14 times and I say "because I said so". Sometime I just say "because". Sometimes, when he has gotten into his bourbon, I don't even answer him at all because I know that he will not know what I said on the next morning.
I tell him remember when you said "this will hurt me worse than you" and then you spanked me? well, you lied. Im gonna spank you and its gonna feel really good to me! and ill start laughing and he starts laughing. I find myself deliberately acting like a kid, but quietly getting my way. As long as he Thinks he is in control, we're fine. Sometimes he says "why do we have to do that"? and I'll say dad, its up to you. If you say no, we wont do it. (This doesn't work with keys). And then, if he doesn't want to, we just wont. Dangerous? He's 91. I figure he's earned the right to be his own boss.....

My mil can no longer read so writing things down doesn't do any good. Instead, of repeating things over and over, I just explain the situation to her and tell her it is her option to go for treatments or not. So far, she goes begrudgingly but it ends all arguments and blame. Good luck. Many blessings.

Repeating what she has over and over again would be taxing. Write it down for her - but then again, she may forget where to read it. Another option is just to calm her by praying for her and letting her know that she is being care for appropriately and she is in good and caring hands.

I make sure to tell my mother she looks great and beautiful almost daily - because, surprisingly, she does! :-) This makes her smile. When hospice comes in, I let Mom know the nurse is checking her vitals to make sure all is good so she does not have to go to the hospital.

Welcome to the land of dementia. Try writing down things, IF she can still read. You will continue to drive yourself batty if you try and keep explaining things all the time - SHE FORGETS. Just calm down and just take her into the doctors and make up stories to get her there if you have to. By the way, Reclast infusion is NOT a cure-all for osteoporosis. You have to be really careful about bone reabsorption in the jaw affecting teeth. Have her teeth checked every six months, but any problems do not show up on x-rays. I have osteoporosis, took Fosamax for 10 yrs. and one time got an infusion of Reclast. I had three teeth removed due to osteonecrosis (bone death). I now have stronger bones because I DO NOT take any drugs for it, just exercise and eating lots of bone-building vegetables and I know as a nurse I am better. Best wishes.

Is your MIL still able to read? If so, how about getting a letter from the doctor that briefly lists/explains each condition and the treatment? You could make a color copy and laminate it to show her when she has questions. (File the original safely away.) And/or just tell her it's doctor's orders and "we have to do it." These approaches work with my mother who has moderate dementia.

Now, about getting her to the doctor without a major meltdown. After many months of battles to get Mom out the door for anything, I made an important discovery -- it isn't going out that upsets her, it's PREPARING to go out. So now I have completely eliminated that process. I simply get her cleaned up as if it were a routine day. Then when it's time to go, I inform her we have things to do. We get her purse and out the door we go. Most times it's just to the library or brief shopping and if there's an appointment then I drive there without prior discussion. When she asks why we are there, I tell her the doctor said to come in. I answer reasonable questions but do not get drawn into an argument.

Another event that used to get Mom all rattled is if someone is coming to visit. She would obsess about it from the time I told her. So now I don't tell her, even if it's a visit from one of my sisters who both live out of town. I wait until they pull into the driveway and then say, Oh look who's here!

An important thing is to come from a position of confidence and your MIL will pick up on that. Blessings to you in these challenging circumstances.

My mother also has moderate dementia, she does understand that, but no i would not keep explaining it as it probably just upsets her, i would change the subject that usually works, will keep you in my prayers

hello,
I feel it's important to explain the best you can. I do that to my mom and I find my self to paraphrase what the dr said. EG. Water is important for our body's to function. Your MIL sounds exactly like my mom almost to a t. I feel that if I can explain enough to help her understand for just a little while. Atleast it better than keeping from her and saying nothing.

Personally, I think you're doing it right. My mother-in-law who had Dementia also couldn't understand a lot of what the doctors were doing either even before her Dementia got worse - so we used the same approach as you are doing. We'd remind her that we promised her years ago that we would take good care of her and we haven't let her down yet. It was easier and calmed her. If we tried more detailed explaining, she would just get more confused and agitated. Good luck!!