My 80 year old husband has Alzheimer's & prostate cancer. He likes his beer or wine. Am I wrong to let him drink a few?
Our daughter's mad at me, I let him drink. Am I wrong to let him drink a few ever other day. He sleeps most the day and wants to go for a drink. I only let him have 3 glasses of beer, Am I killing him or do i make him Happy?
My husband's neurologist gets pretty heated on the subject of my husband's drinking. She says it's a neurotoxin and it's best not to drink at all. What a spoilsport!
I let him drink because that is his favorite social activity. He is independent enough that I can't absolutely control him, and yet he still drinks somewhat more than I am comfortable with. He is supposed to order a beer and a club soda at the same time. Who knows what he does?
If you can keep his beers to two instead of three, that would be good, but if he's happy to stop at three, and would fight you at two, what are you going to do?
Does your daughter have any idea of what his life expectancy is? How bad is the prostate cancer? Does your daughter realize that he is going to die some time in the next 10 years? We don't know how involved with his care your daughter is. Can you just not tell her about it? If she is so involved, ask her to come over at "going out for a drink" time and fight it out with him herself.
Ask her to tell you calmly what she is concerned about. If she has unrealistic ideas of his future, maybe she should talk to the doctor to learn what's going on.
A wise, happy, very elderly man once told me the secret to a happy life was to always have something to look forward to. Instead of "how are you" this gentelman greets people with a "what are you looking forward to today", the response to which he will listen intently. I think he is onto something. I applied this philosophy when taking care of dad.
So if your husband looks forward to his beer, enjoy.
My dad's doctor endorsed an occasional glass of wine, or drink, he did caution that some of the meds where ineffective with alcohol. My 92 yo dad would refrain from meds on special occasions, opting for the spirits.
Looking forward to going out to a "fancy" dinner and a glass of wine or a family meal increased my dad's quality of life. I do not believe it lessend his quantity, either way it is a price we happily would pay all over again.
If you are going to enoy a beer, make sure tonot to chase it with a fear-guilt shot.
My Mom is 85 and loves her beer. She drinks 2-3 (if that) while she is cooking her dinner. She has dementia and it is progressing slowly. She has a daily caregiver and Im 5 miles away. Unless she starts ponding them I want her to do whatever she wants. The CG puts 2 beers in the refrig before she leaves in the evening and I keep an eye on how much she consumes. She seems to be fine for now. She takes meds but her MD says beer is fine. One day at a time....
Just curious...would he know the difference if you gave him alchohol free wine or beer? Do what YOU think is best. Do you know why he wants a drink? Is it at home or in a bar? There is some sort of comfort he is finding there - Is it going out for a drink? Other people to yak with? Or is it just that he can no longer do that and it is an independence issue? If you can get to the bottom of that, I think it will make life easier for the family. Plus It isn't your job to make your daugther happy. If she is concerned, acknowledge her concerns and move on.
If he has Alzheimer's and prostate cancer, I would say let him have his enjoyment. There is so little in life to enjoy when one gets old and sick. I agree with you letting him have beer if it doesn't interact badly with his medications. (And if it did, I would wonder whether the beer or medicine was most important for him.)
That is not enough to hurt him, IMHO:) it will probably keep him happy: Positive and Calm. He may live longer. If he does not have any liver problems, let him enjoy his beer and wine. Daughter loves her Daddy, but she could read up on what a few drinks a day does for elders. You know your husband, so relax and keep him happy. Cheers:) xo
Personally, if it isn't affecting his health badly (by talking to the doctor about it), I would let him have beer or wine. He's 80 years old, and if that's his only vice, then that's good. I'm sure your daughter is just concerned about her dad, but as long as he keeps the number of drinks down and doesn't drink and drive, I really can't see what the problem is. He's already losing his mind and independence a little at a time - so if it makes him happy - so be it. IMO, I doubt seriously you're going to kill him with a little beer or wine. Good luck!!
Hi Caroled. What does the doctor say about his drinking? My first instinct is that a few beers would not hurt him but I really do not know. Are the 3 beers going to turn into 4 someday and then 5 and then more and more? Are they big glasses of beer. I ask this because my Mom used to say she only had one glass of wine a night but the glass was pretty darn big!! ( not a wine glass!)
Your daughter is may just worried about her Dad overall. How long has it been since he was diagnosed? My suggestion is to do what the doctor says and if the doctor says a little beer is OK then tell your daughter. If your daughter is still concerned with Dad's health would it help her to take her to one of his doctor appointments? Maybe let her ask the doctor about her concerns?
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I let him drink because that is his favorite social activity. He is independent enough that I can't absolutely control him, and yet he still drinks somewhat more than I am comfortable with. He is supposed to order a beer and a club soda at the same time. Who knows what he does?
If you can keep his beers to two instead of three, that would be good, but if he's happy to stop at three, and would fight you at two, what are you going to do?
Does your daughter have any idea of what his life expectancy is? How bad is the prostate cancer? Does your daughter realize that he is going to die some time in the next 10 years? We don't know how involved with his care your daughter is. Can you just not tell her about it? If she is so involved, ask her to come over at "going out for a drink" time and fight it out with him herself.
Ask her to tell you calmly what she is concerned about. If she has unrealistic ideas of his future, maybe she should talk to the doctor to learn what's going on.
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So if your husband looks forward to his beer, enjoy.
My dad's doctor endorsed an occasional glass of wine, or drink, he did caution that some of the meds where ineffective with alcohol. My 92 yo dad would refrain from meds on special occasions, opting for the spirits.
Looking forward to going out to a "fancy" dinner and a glass of wine or a family meal increased my dad's quality of life. I do not believe it lessend his quantity, either way it is a price we happily would pay all over again.
If you are going to enoy a beer, make sure tonot to chase it with a fear-guilt shot.
A toast to you and yours!
L
Your daughter is may just worried about her Dad overall. How long has it been since he was diagnosed?
My suggestion is to do what the doctor says and if the doctor says a little beer is OK then tell your daughter. If your daughter is still concerned with Dad's health would it help her to take her to one of his doctor appointments? Maybe let her ask the doctor about her concerns?
Just some thoughts. Blessings to you and yours.