My parents often want me out of the house until something serious occurs. Is this common?
I care for two 90 year olds with multiple issues. They want their privacy but want me around for emergencies. If I leave, something terrible could happen. If I hang around, they act like I am invading their privacy
There's a book about teenagers called "Mom, get out of my life. But first can you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?
A teenager is learning how to live with and handle more independence. Your parents are unhappily learning to live with less independence. Mistakes will be made. No one wants anything bad to happen, but your parents are nearer to the end of their lives than a teenager is. Try to have some serenity based on the knowledge that the worst will happen at some point, whether you are there or not.
Can you have a conversation about how to handle crises? What would they do if a health crisis comes up? Would they call 911? Is there a neighbor or church member to back you up? Are they willing to let you know about their health on a regular basis so that you will know how to help them if needed?
Share information about your situation. What if you had a fall and had to be hospitalized? What would they need to know? Ask them, as grownups, to figure out the best way to get the care they need without feeling "supervised" by you. Put the problem into their laps, and you might be pleased with what they come up with!
Nice parents! They only want you when they need you. Let them handle one emergency alone and they may realize you are not their yo yo for emergency purposes only.
A caregiver comes four hours a day. There are no family members that can assist. I have received frantic phone calls on more than one occasion. Guilty if I stay. Guilty when I'm gone. Both have mild dementia. Add in diabetes, aeortic stenosis, severe asthma, renal failure. I take meds for depression. Oh well. Life isn't always a bowl of cherries.
Perhaps your parents, if either still have their wits about them, recognize that you need to take care of yourself, in addition to their growing needs... In some ways, they are looking out for YOUR emotional and social needs (or perhaps it is guilt because they know you are sacrificing your life to care for them).
Are there other family members that can give you a break?
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A teenager is learning how to live with and handle more independence. Your parents are unhappily learning to live with less independence. Mistakes will be made. No one wants anything bad to happen, but your parents are nearer to the end of their lives than a teenager is. Try to have some serenity based on the knowledge that the worst will happen at some point, whether you are there or not.
Can you have a conversation about how to handle crises? What would they do if a health crisis comes up? Would they call 911? Is there a neighbor or church member to back you up? Are they willing to let you know about their health on a regular basis so that you will know how to help them if needed?
Share information about your situation. What if you had a fall and had to be hospitalized? What would they need to know? Ask them, as grownups, to figure out the best way to get the care they need without feeling "supervised" by you. Put the problem into their laps, and you might be pleased with what they come up with!
Good luck.
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Are there other family members that can give you a break?