How can I get my immobile father to go to a rehab facility temporarily when he refuses?

We are always so afraid to hurt their feelings or when they lash out at us we recoil and do nothing. You can no long ASK HIM TO GO, you need to just make plans for him to go, no questions asked. It would be best to speak to his doctor or a social worker to make the necessary plans. YOU AND YOUR MOTHER ARE KILLING YOURSELF AND YOU MUST STOP. Your father is frightened and not rational therefore you must now act on his behalf for his good and yours.

I am constantly telling my ex husband and sister that they really need to lose weight for many reasons, but I dealt with my father as he became worse and I just thank God that he was thin enough and strong enough for us to help him around and get him to the bathroom to prevent this situation. It was a real learning experience for me.

Do not feel guilt over what you are doing, this is medically necessary. Your father will form "bedsores" and other infirmities if left as he is. You and your mother are not doing yourselves any favors by hurting yourself to try and move a man too large to move. If you hurt yourself, who will help your Mom, you still have the rest of your life to live, do not do this to yourself.

When my father died several years ago my mother thought I should be able to take over all his jobs and duties he performed around the house because they were always, "Do It Yourself" fixers. I have hurt myself numerous times and now have very bad back problems along with arthritis. Last year, my mother told me to re-roof the workshop and assured me I could do it. I laughed and said, "Not on your life will I attempt that. I am not a man, nor can I lift that stuff nor do I want to!" She was very angry, but so was I, I have a 20 year old daughter and hopefully at least 20 more years of life. I am no longer going to jeopardize my health and wellness for something so stupid and listen to a woman with dementia.

YOU AND MOM NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES, IF YOU DON'T NO ONE ELSE WILL!

God Bless you all on this journey.

Unfortunately, at this point it really isn't about what he wants but rather about whether you are able to care for him adequately at home. Calling 911 will result in having him taken somewhere where a social worker will take over. If he is upset, so be it. You have to do what you have to do - for both your sakies.

You cant physically move him. Can you be firm with him like a 400lb man would be?

CaregivingNewb- I agree with someone else who said, call 911, tell them he has too much weight, he cannot move and needs medical attention ASAP! Sitting in feces is not pleasant, but being overweight like he is, requires medical attention (I'm sure he has hypertension-high blood pressure, diabetes, and a host of other ailments). You can add perhaps dementia starting and when he gets to a hospital, staff can do a complete workup regardless of his stubbornness. Get help and do not try and lift him again! (This nurse recommends).

I meant Medicare - unfortunately my husband isn't eligible for Medicaid.

You are very resourceful. A hospital stay that is 3 days or more qualifies my husband for some home health aide hours and PT post-discharge that are paid for by Medicaid. He has always legitimately needed to go to the hospital when I have had to call 911 however. I practically killed myself getting my husband's dead weight off the floor the last time he fell and knew that I would have to call 911 if I couldn't. It took me an hour, after which I was shaking with fatigue and soaked in sweat with a racing heartbeat which isn't great since I have high blood pressure. Next time I won't try so hard.

Anytime I needed my dad to seek medical help and he wouldn't, I turned to the paramedics. I would find some reason to call 911 and this would get my dad medical attention and I would be able to access support. If my dad fell for example. I'd feign not being able to get him up (I work in physical therapy, I could have gotten him up). Or if he had a minor complaint I'd capitalize on it and insist that we call 911 (I'd tell my dad that I was worried it was his heart). This is how I got my dad seen. It was easy for my dad to tell me no. Not so easy for him to tell 4 big guys and 2 cops. ;-) Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Good luck to you. I hope you find what you need. You and your mom can't exist at the whims of a person who can't ambulate and participate in his own care.

If you are not able to physically care for him any more, social services will have to make that decision for you and your father. You should definitely get them involved.

p.s. - at 300 lbs, the stay in rehab may not be a temporary one. I'm assuming your dad is obese (rather than exceptionally tall). Obese patients are often uncooperative and non-compliant when it comes to rehab.
At least they'll have lifts there so he can be moved without destroying people's backs in the process.

Sounds like your dad has pretty much had his own way in his life. You'll have to protect yourself and your mom, because he has demonstrated that his own desires are his only priority.
How about saying "Dad, mom and I are not able to care of you. We've tried our best and suffered in the process. You need to go to rehabilitation so you can get stronger and help us care for you. You can refuse to do that, but if you do, we have made plans to move out. We'll call adult protective services once we're gone and you and they can determine how you can continue to live in the house alone." Then, leave the room.
Actually make plans, with a relative or to a hotel (if finances allow). It will help you to stand your ground to know that you do really have options and he isn't the king, he's only behaving like one.

What a horrible situation. My heart goes out to you. I don't know what can be done, but want to join the others who have encouraged you to ask for help. Call social services, call legal aid, ask the doctors -- anybody and everybody. I pray you find some alternative to you and your mother enabling this abuser.

I don't think you can force him. Both my parents are bedridden. Mom passed away in March. Father wants to join her but he's terrified of dying. In April, he kept coughing so hard but refused to go to clinic/ER. He figured he would die of pneumonia. I told him over and over that pneumonia is painful. His lungs willl fill with fluid and it would be painful to breathe. Then if his lungs collapse he would be in a pain so bad that it's worse than giving birth. Still refused. To the point that he could barely move and was in constant pain. It was really bad.

In desperation, I called APS (adult protective service), they sent me to the elder lawyer...whose manager interviewed me and said, "Honey, there's nothing you can do if your father wants to join your mother." and will contact the senior citizen dept to send someone to do a bereavement counseling on father. Then, I go to the insurance company's customer service and I was told that it would be useless for me to go to the clinic to ask for intervention. Their doctors will do Nothing without seeing father. She gives me a pamphlet - back to APS where I started!

So, as long as you have no POA (power of attorney) , it will be an uphill battle for you to seek help.

Can you call his clinic and ask if they can send a nurse over to do an evaluation on him? Unfortunately, for me to get hospice service for mom, we had to take our dying mother to the clinic so that the doctor can request for hospice service. The hospice refused to return our call unless we see the doctor first. Doctor does not do home visits. Mom passed away without hospice service. We were Winging it and hoping that poor mom was not suffering as her organs started shutting down.....I really really hope that your father's clinic can send Someone to your home! If you can get someone over, see if you can request for a hospital bed. Hopefully your insurance covers most of it. With your father's weight, I strongly do NOT recommend that you two try to lift him. He's going to have to stay in the bed.

As for Rehab - is your father WILLING to do it? After father's stroke 2 years ago, he refused to do Physical therapy. They can't force him. And now he's bedridden. He had a Mild stroke - his left hand (not the arm) can't move but he can move his arm.

Even though he's 60 yrs old, does he qualify for senior citizens program? If he does, please start calling around. Try the govt programs for home care services like Meals on Wheels, a weekly visit by a govt caregiver, etc...

Sorry, I know, too much info. But, pick and choose what fits your needs.

You can always get social services involved. Explain the situation, they will be kind and gentle but if they see what you are describing, they will make sure he gets the care he needs.