How do I deal with a bully brother that is misusing his POA for his own agenda?

If you have any property in the house, you could call the Police and be allowed in. I am not going to harp on you about what you have said about your sibling!! I AM IN THE SAME BOAT AND MY SIBLING HAS STATED HE WANTS TO HURT ME! People do not realize how crazy sibs can get when POA comes into play or when they just feel like it is an entitlement!!
I have been there, and it is horrifying!! Find an attorney and see if they have a free first time meeting or call. Talk to them about everything, see what they say and go from there!
I do not understand how your brother became POA the day before your mothers death?

I wish you the best and I understand where you are coming from and am here if you want to vent!!

Hate yes....Be happy that they died a painful death? That's a little over the top IMO. Of course, it might have been the one that said it, (Which reinforced my opinion of them) That prompted my post. I hate my sister but I would NOT be dancing on her grave if she suffered a painful disease and died!

BoniChak - aren't we allowed to hate our nasty siblings, too? to rejoice when Karma bites the right person in the posterior?

Not the correct thing to do, but all too human.

The more you educate yourself regarding your legal rights in this matter the better outcome. Don't let your headstrong bully brother get away with the things you claim he's doing. Don't approach the situation with a head full of steam, just be principled and forthright, you know you're in the right, your brother, for whatever reason whether it be for personal enrichment or otherwise IS WRONG! Sometimes our siblings just freak out during the last years of our parents' lives, don't take it personal, it's negative energy, don't go there.

- best

-out here

For Petunia, l have answered in your Wall since Q & A not directly related to Bully thread.

Shadow child, I believe you will need to consult an ETHICAL elder law attorney.
It is going to cost you but get something- good info of what actions are available
and advised. If the first attorney seems to be a waste of time and money try another. I do suggest looking for the elder law specialist though. Stay strong.

I do not know were you live, and I do not know the laws in your state, but I hold the POA for my (still living) father. I handle all of bills, and other financial duties, I am also excutor of the Trust. The siblings of my father's second wife, who are in the trust started telling everyone that my siblings and I were spending all of the money, they even sent Adult Protective Services to my father's house to make sure that I was not spending his money, not about his health, only the money. I was there that day and she was asking my dad questions about his money, he did not know anything, and told her to talk to me, I keep tight books, and all was in order, I even was able to show how they had taken money from there mother before her death, the accountant I hired when I started handling the money, does my father's taxes , and I got a accounting program, I have nothing to hide, I even gave my sister, who now shares POA with me, access to the banks records. Now my point, if your brother was doing nothing wrong, he would be glad to share the information with you. Just like the siblings of my dad's ex called Adult Protective Services, and told them that I was abusing my father;s money, maybe that may be a reason for you to do the same. They dropped the claims, because I was doing nothing wrong and had accountability, you need to get in-touch with an attorney, tell them you are concerned that your mom's money is being mis-handled, you have a right to have the financial and bookkeeping audited. Like the other poster stated, start documentation, record a conversation with your mom, stating on the recording, that she is aware of the taping. Like I said at the beginning of this post, you need to get some help, find out the law requarding your situation in your state. Good Luck.

Got satisfaction from your brothers death? oh my! Oh, is that judgemental? Oops, so sorry. That sentence just blew my mind.

@almost everyone here, you MUST look into the relevant laws *in your jurisdiction*. No one here can give anything but VERY general advice, which isn't enough to actually solve a PoA or estate problem. For specific advice, you MUST speak to a lawyer about all the particulars of your case. AND you should do your own research and learning so that you can have a more productive discussion with the lawyer.

As I said upthread, most jurisdictions (states) have general info posted on their websites, estate law firms have info on their websites, and librarians can help you.

Be aware that if you do not educate yourself and take action regarding PoA or executor misconduct there is essentially ZERO chance of it being detected or satisfactorily resolved by sheer luck.

I have a question for CarolLynn: Just to clarify, POA expires upon the death of the person one is POA for? And then, in order for the former POA to dispose of the deceased individual's estate and belongings, one must become the Executor of their Will? Is this correct, because I have no idea, and it would really help me to know. Also, do you know what happens if the person one has POA for dies without a making a Will? Just curious...
PS-It has been my experience that involving the PD in ANYTHING usually becomes a hideous mess. But that's just one person's experience.

Hi
I don't normally pay attention to my e-mail but this one stood out to me.
I am going through a real similiar situation. Only my mom passed away 3 months ago. I had to come to a place with my brother where I told him that I was done.
And then did not talk to him untl right before my mom passed.

The thing that helped me was being in a good church and having that prayer support. We had hospice involved and that was good but still I had to find my own legal council. Meaning that I had to look up laws and talk it out with my brother.

Hospice did warn me that they see this happen all of the time. Were the big guys come in and pick on the one who is doing all of the work so to speak. But the real deal is this the fifth commandment in the ten commandments is to honor you father and mother and it is the only commandment that comes with a blessing. f you are doing what you know in your own conscience before God than he will take care of you and believe me he knows well what is going on.

Try to draw your strength from him and your own tribe of close friends.

"Do you mean it will go to court one day and everything will come out in Probate ?? But by then the money hopefully will be used for the taxes that was left.which really I have not seen any bank statements. To me I feel I should leave it in Gods Hands to be my personnel lawyer and he will make the right judgement."

Not sure if that question was directed at me, but no, this case will not automatically go to court. It will only go to court if someone initiates the process. You really need to at least talk to a lawyer about this, and do your own research. Many estate law firms have general info about wills & estates on their websites. A librarian at your local library should be able to point you towards some resources as well.

You can leave it in God's hands if you wish, but then why post here?

Sadly, I too have a situation with a bully for a brother who took over my role as my mom's POA. Won't go into details but it was nasty... these situations usually are. I sought legal advice from 2 lawyers specializing in elder law, probate, etc. I chose not to pursue legal action at this time (mom is still alive) because much of the previous suggestions are legitimate the reality is you'll spend a bundle if you try and bring a lawyer into this. And trying to get social services or the police involved isn't a slam dunk either. Unless there is little question that a crime has been committed they're going to tell you this is a civil matter and that you need to hire an attorney. Think very carefully about what you really can and cannot do for your mom. If she is okay with your brother being her POA there isn't much you can do about it. Unless your willing to spend potentially thousands of dollars in legal fees with no certainty of success in the end which frankly I wasn't willing to chance. Try not to let your brother's actions consume your life... he isn't worth it. Best wishes.

Do you mean it will go to court one day and everything will come out in Probate ?? But by then the money hopefully will be used for the taxes that was left.which really I have not seen any bank statements. To me I feel I should leave it in Gods Hands to be my personnel lawyer and he will make the right judgement.

To really be a SERIOUS THREAT and have any possibility of getting a resolution...someone has to challenge him POA, in a Court! Many Many Many POA's abuse the document and puff out their chest and wait till someone actually does something about it. It is sad. Call your state center on aging and see what they could possibly do...if anything? Good luck

eheatly, PoA expires the moment the grantor (in this case, your mother) dies. At that point, all the responsibilities pass to the Executor of the will. So you brother currently has NO legal authority to touch ANY of your mother's accounts. And even with PoA, he must act in HER interests, not his own. So if you think there as been any funny business, please consult a lawyer ( you may qualify for legal aid).

It sounds like your mother did not have a will, in which case her estate will be divided according to your jurisdictions's (probably state) laws. Start googling your state's name with terms like "intestate", "Power of Attorney' and so on. Arm yourself with knowledge!

This question on the POA is very similar but my mom passed away. I 'm dealing with my brother that is not letting me know anything of my mom's estate. He got POA the day before our mom passed away on the bank accounts. There was money in the bank and he took it out and put it in his account i guess ?? I 'm leaving my trust in him but he did lived there with my mom all his life and he tells me that there is no will which I kind of believed because of my mom they way she was not understanding of making wills and understanding laws. He did the POA but how he did it dont understand ?? Anyway It been exactly 4 months and I still dont know about the accounting part ? My older brother wants younger brother to handle it since he got POA . Everytime I talked to my younger brother ( POA ) he just wants to wait in looking in the house for papers of importance to us? I 'm having a finciancial hardship but could come up lawyer's fee in about five months I just hope its not to late to find out the mystery if ther is any ?? I guess it will go Probate ?? Since moms death ,day one , he did not want lawyers involved. Can someone help me with this suituition i ' m in ?? We are all half brother's but my mom was a widowed to my dad and was getting benefits form the military since I was 2 years old. This is a very specficed case. God Bless P.S. this question kind of follows whats happens with the aboved question after the passing of a family inhertaince.

In my town, the Council on Aging has a monthly morning where a lawyer experienced in Elder law, gives free consultations. Maybe you have something similar. I found that starting to talk about issues and rights and expectations was very helpful. Information sharing among siblings is an interesting question that must be addressed somewhere in elder law also - or even elder mediation services. Someone must have written about pros and cons of keeping other siblings up to date in some form. If not, maybe a formal demand for an annual accounting would at least make your rights and your point clear. Your brother should deal with a Trust administration company? Maybe he should authorize them to give an annual report, or your mother can also agree to that? If you find some literature on the idea that all sibs should be kept aware - you can make copies and send him a summary or something. After your mother is gone, you and he will be the only family left for each other, and it's important for you to stand up for yourself in a clear way - which separates issues, and may or may not involve a battle. Sadly, so many conversations go so quickly, they leave misinformation, and facts are distorted by attitudes. Many caregivers as I did, have also handled information without sharing, so the other sibs are retaliating. It might help to contact both lawyers and mediators - Elder Mediation in Massachusetts sometimes works with one sib, when sibs are in conflict. One other thought about the release form - ask the lawyer about that - depends on what it says - if it says you agree to visit but not take anything at this time, what's wrong with signing it? I wish you very good luck - these things are scary, but more workable when you look for information and also try to think of what could be bugging him, and consider what bugs you, and find ways to sort out what could be addressed.

I have been living through a similar situation with siblings for the past four years. You have options: 1. Hire an attorney who specializes in elder care.
2. Contact Family and Children Services for a wellness visit due to
your brother's secretive nature. Let them know you are
concerned about your mother's well-being - both physical and
mental.
This should get things started. The officials you contact can give you other
contacts. Don't give up. Best wishes

Only one piece of advice, and it does sound like you need an attorney, or get adult protection involved, or the cops. It varies with laws where you live. If you decided to retain an attorney, make sure the attorney is a litigator and not someone that merely prepares documents. Many are not suitable for the courtroom for a variety of reasons. But if this escalates, you will definitely need a litigator, as I have. Threw money at estate planners to try to settle this, but there was absolutely no cooperation from sib that holds POA's and has claimed Trustee without required documentation.

This is kinda our situation too.. Unfortunately we ask for an accounting of bills and a copy of a Trust via an Atty and it went unanswered.
I hope that you can do things easier than we are finding the path.. We had to obtain a GAL (Guardian Ad Litem) for their best interest and are challenging him in Court for the Guardianship since he has had both deemed incompetent so he only had to answer to himself. Our big brother is a 60yo Ex hard nosed trucker that has a permit to carry. So I understand the intimidation aspects.
He has taken over all of their accounts with no accounting to anyone and has scheduled auctions and sold things against their wishes..
Our only resource was to file in court.. Hope you can find a way around it..

Sounds like my brother and what he did. However, I got the best satisfaction of knowing he could not spend our equally shared inheritance (5 ways) because he would not stop smoking, and contracted lung cancer and died at 55. So your situation is not unique and you can either let all this go or you can spend the money to bring in some legal help. You make the choice, you are in charge of only yourself. Your brother will meet his maker someday and then Kaboom!

gift which was against my Mom's wishes. Every time I ask my sister how much money my Mom has left she says " what entitles me to know. I am always wondering what is going on with my mother's money. I think my Mom's money should be available for all hiers of the estate to see at any timeI have a simaliar problem but in my case it is my sister who is POA for my mother. I am the oldest, at 59 years old, and only son, and I have three sisters. I care for my Mom in her home and I don't get any help from my sisters. My POA sister started making making moves as soon as she saw that my mother was not all with it because of dementia.My sister cashed in my Mom's CD's and was severely penalized for early withdrawal. She then moved the money out of the bank to who knows where. She then proceeded to give everyone a $10,000 .

I read for 4th time, sorry, missed the NH comment toward the end. Thankfully your mom is still here but does she have a mind or body condition that makes facility care necessary? Perhaps a lawyer might advise you to notify the district attorney's office for malfeasance. Full circle back to the attorney again. You want to force your brother to produce whatever paperwork he believes he is operating under.

You need an attorney sooner rather than later...this gets jumbled b/c the whole story isn't here. Im sorry...l can't tell exactly from what you've written if your mom still lives or has passed away? Don't sign any releases. If your mom has passed, POAs expire at death. He'd have to be executor of her will to be doing what he's doing legally yet if you are a beneficiary, he cannit manipulate you and disappear with stuff as he pleased; there is accounting necessary. Civilly, there is something called lnjunctive Relief, gets you in to court where the judge has the power to top him depending on circumstances. You'd absolutely need an attorney & s/he might instead file for an ex-parte emergency hearing with you challenging for conservatorship or guardianship as it might be called in your state (depending on what's wrong w/ mom if she's still with us &, if she's competent- if she's willing to turn on your brother & back you). You'd have to document your charges very clesrly and substantially. A question that will come up is why your mom assigned her POA and/or executorship to your brother when you were the caregiver?? Another avenue might be criminally. As POA he has a fiduciary responsibility 2 proceed in the proper way with your mom's things. Don't do anything else without a lawyer and don't waste any time consulting with one!

I think you would or should know what your Mother has ( home , cars , cash , jewelry)? or anything of value if you took care of her for 10 years.

I have a similar situation going on with a neighbor of mine which has just spun way out of control. He was put in the hospital and was deemed incompetent so now everything is a horrible mess.Here are some options:
You may use the civil law system to bring a lawsuit against your brother. The outcomes might include your brother being removed as POA, your brother being made to produce an accounting, or to repay funds, or to pay damages in the form of money to your grandma. In most provinces, anyone who knows that a POA document is being used in an improper way is allowed to launch a lawsuit.

There is also the criminal law system. This is only available where there has been theft or fraud. In my opinion, both of those things have happened here. In this case, you don't launch a lawsuit; you call the police just as you would for any other crime. The outcomes could include jail time for your brother, fines against your brother, an order that he repay the money, and pretty much anything else the judge wants to throw at him. Best of luck with whatever you choose.

PoA is not a free pass to do whatever one wants, but the exact checks and balances vary from place to place. You must research the laws regarding PoA in your jurisdiction. There are probably some free legal resources you can access, for general info. For your specific case, you may well need a lawyer. If the Attorney is found to be at fault, they may be directed to pay for your legal fees.

In the meantime, gather up as much evidence as you can. Write down everything you remember, dates, what was said, possessions of your mother's that aren't accounted for, etc.