I am 81, sick, exhausted, severely depressed and caregiver for my spouse with dementia. My husband is not ready for a "home" yet. Ive been caregiving for 13 years. I get meals on wheels, have a housekeeper 1 hour per week. I have a doctor, a social worker, a psychiatrist, a chiropractor and have an appointment at a sleep clinic. No one has given me any help at all except the chiropractor with my back and neck pain. Any suggestions? I'd appreciate any help you can give me. Thank you.
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Bless your heart! You are indeed a very strong woman! How anyone handles that level of caregiving for so long, is several kinds of miracles.
Above advice is very good!
PLEASE reach out to call resource numbers.
Depression, indeed, impairs a person's ability to see anything clearly, or deal with daily life properly---though you probably have been doing a number of things to keep yourself going, to get this far.
Here are a few more to add to the "tricks up your sleeves":
1. get more than enough bright, daily, daylight--at least half an hour.
2. if not getting daylight, substitute using a "Happy Light"--a light fixture that gives between 150 to 200 watts incandescent,
or about 70 watts compact florescent lighting,
Full daylight spectrum, at least 15 minutes to 30 minutes daily,
about 3 feet from your face--you can have your eyes closed while doing that, or, set the light fixture just off-side a bit, & use it as a reading or sewing lamp.
NOTE: Veterans signed up to access V.A. Medical system, who have depression as part of their diagnoses, can request one of these lights--the VA medical will ship it to your home; it is on a sliding scale per income--those with lowest incomes may get them free.
When the Veteran has one, the spouse & anyone else in the home, can also use it!
3-A. Each morning, get out of bed, make bed, clean up, dress, eat.
That can be a major accomplishment during depression episodes.
Once up & done with these, other things might occur to you to do, since once up, one is more likely to do other things.
3-B. Exercise. If all you do is walk circuits around the house, that's a good start. Walking is low-impact; can even approximate it while sitting in a rocking chair.
4. Proper nutrition: helps with anxiety & depression, actually very good for a person, overall. Proper amounts of protein, veggies, fruits, good fats.
AND, simple as it seems, just getting enough water per day!
==B vitamins are great for nerve health;
==Vit. D3 is highly indicated to remedy depression--D3 can be used in very large amounts daily, depending on the blood test "25 [OH]D" the Doctor can do for you. This is still largely overlooked, it's easy, and fairly low cost--the D# capsules are usually pretty cheap. I've used up to 20,000 iu.'s daily, to bring levels up, and noted a decrease in depression within a few days.
Blood levels should be around 50--which is about mid-range on the blood test spectrum....anything lower is barely hanging on. Higher levels could be dysfunctional.
==Good Probiotics are very important...a specific one to look for in the lists of various probiotic strains in fermented products like a good yogurt,
is "L. rhamnosus"; research is showing this one at least, can decrease anxiety & depression significantly.
It can be gotten in a Probiotic capsule, too--use daily--the kind that needs stored in the refrigerator. The more various strains of good probiotics, & the higher the counts, the better.
I found some various good ones at a Vitamin Shoppe; also at health food stores, grocery Co-Op's, online, etc. Even mainstream pharmacy is starting to promote Probiotics--it's only taken them over 100 years to do that!
NOTE: ALWAYS use a probiotic that has numerous varied strains in it: otherwise, one risks throwing bowel regulation off-balance in undesirable ways. [[for instance: Acidophilus can be used singly to treat diarrhea; Bifidobacteria by itself, can loosen stools]].
5. MAYBE it's a matter of getting someone to do a proper, updated in-home evaluation, so a Social Worker or other evaluator can fully understand how things are.
==One must be very frank with staff who come to assess/evaluate the situation, ---it can be too easy for them to miss important factors that could get you better helps--sometimes a caregiver has to serve up all the "gory details" on a platter---make sure the evaluator can see all the difficulties you face daily and sporadically.
==Anything that might help prove the person you care for is a danger to themselves or others, OR that you are frail & fear for your health & safety, in -any- ways, can help evaluators find more helps for you.
I sure pray you get help, soon!
You're a dear-heart to stick by your man so long, when going got this tough. You need more help; surely one or more of the agencies listed in the posts, can get the helps you need!
Alzheimer's Assoc.
V. A. Medical or the nearest V.A. clinic or hospital.
Your local area agency on Aging.
Your local Hospice.
Local Senior Citizen groups
Churches
Public Libraries, even!
Please keep us posted how things go for you!
I do not know your wishes or financial situation but age has nothing to do with the way you are feeling anyone carrying your burden feels the same. Please try and do all the things suggested above. assisted living would be a good first choice but I suspect you may not want to give up your own independence.
you say your husband is not ready for a "home" but if the dementia is advanced and for example he often does not know who you are even if he is physically healthy, this may be the right answer. If you can still manage him at home you can bring him home for weekends or longer, take him out for meals or anything he used to enjoy that you can manage or if you have family members who can have him overnight. You are a very strong smart lady and once you have taken the first step the second will be easier. We are all here for different reasons but everyone whishes you the strength you need.
Here on island, the senior citizen division has meals-on-wheels, caregivers respite program (4 hours a week), a housing area for the capable senior citizen who has no where to go (funded locally/federally), etc... I just saw a pamphlet from this division. They have ALL sorts of programs for the senior citizen. Please check yours out in the govt page of your phone book.
1) Do you have any children who live nearby and, if so, do they help or are they available to help?
2) Do you own your own home?
3) Are you in a position to hire full-time caregivers for you and your husband?
4) Have you considered assisted living?
5) Is there an organization/church in your area that provides volunteers to the elderly? Consider calling hospice and see if they have ideas for support in your area.
May God bless you with the strength and grace you need, in addition to support that is much needed.