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Betterdays123 Asked June 2013

Should I allow my 78 yr old cousin to take care of my 95 year old mother?

My Mother's cousin is in good shape but lives over 800 miles away from us. My mother and her go a long way back and keeps in touch with mother frequently. Her cousin would like to share the responsibility of caregiving. My mother would like to spend time with her before she leaves this earth. Mom is currently in a NF and will need alot of supervision which I cannot get even with the services she does have. This question came up with Mom before she got to this point and she thought that I was giving up on her. She does have a contagious disease and I don't want anyone contract it. Personally, I don't want to contract it either. So, I have stayed a distance from her too. She is so mad it me for staying away and does not realize how dangerous this is and wants to come home.

trycope51 Jun 2013
Oh, and yes, I am a female..lol.

trycope51 Jun 2013
No, her 78 yr old cousin should not be allowed to be your mom caretaker... it's too emotion, mentally, and physically demanding. You said it yourself contagious desease, so no, not a good idea... Besides I can testify that 2 women actually living together is most of the time not a good idea, maybe they did always get alone, but living together is a whole new ball game. I didn't even mension both elderly, sometimes they get mean you know...no "NOT"

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Jinx4740 Jun 2013
Jeez, that's a tough one! What would the cousin do? Move her 800 miles, or come to her to take care of her? Does the cousin have her marbles? Can the cousin come for a week or two to see what would be involved in taking over her care?

How contagious is the disease? I would be willing to risk a lot to visit my mother, even in gown, gloves and mask. Of course, my mother was always good to me, and I know that's not true for everyone.

What problems do you see if your cousin gets involved?

Perseverance Jun 2013
What exactly is your Mom's contagious disease?

I definitely do not think your 78 year old cousin should be the caretaker for your mom. Caregiving is physically demanding - transferring, dressing, bathing, yada yada requires strength. Your cousin should fly out to visit your mom, but is no way capable of caring for your Mom. Of course I say this based upon limited information, but I know what it takes to care for an aging parent - and I am 48 years old - 30 years younger than your cousin.

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