I am my mom-in-laws POA. She has dementia. Can I stop her daughter from visiting?

I have transferred my Medical POA to an out-of-state sibling because I have been so traumatized by several years of my Mom's verbal abuse and also after living with her for over 30 years, and I am declared unable to make a sound judgment on an end-of-life situation; she and my Dad had divorced over 50 years ago. I also have personal problems of my own: unemployment for 14 months at only age 57 and had worked only one temporary job this year for 11 weeks. In addition, I have some developmental mental disabilities and may need counseling to determine whether I am able to work again. I live in our CA jointly-owned condo alone now with Mom in a nursing home's 24-hour supervised care. Mom pays all her money for her care and no more financial support to our household. My unemployment benefits have run out this week, leaving me without any income besides some dividends from my investments, forcing me to use up my funds in about 7 years. If I cannot pay our bills after my savings and IRA's are used up, I am unable to sell our condo unless Mom had passed on and the estate is completely settled. Until Mom passes on after age 90+, I am in limbo as to where I may live next except for my siblings' support and advise. Please pray for us. Thanks!

I have my parent's POA, and from what I understand, you can get a restraining order, however I have also dealt with the problem of one of my brothers taking money from my parents, and my dad's (LORTAB) pain killers, however the doctor took my dad off of the (LORTAB) and started him on (TRAMADOL), which is non-narcotic, so this took care of that problem. My advice for stopping the money problem, and this was very difficult for me, because I realized that one of my mother's identities was her freedom to spend her money the way she wanted to spend it, but I had to take her check book from her. Personally I would like to know of an easier way to deal with these situations. It caused my brother to break free from the drugs, and left mom, and dad's bank account in the plus, and now this brother and I are closer than we have ever been. You could gain a sister by going this route. Your sister is sick, and this could be your chance to get her free from the drugs, and I know that it may seem like she is comparable to a leach, but that isn't her it's the drugs. The powers should be listed on your paperwork!

I would contact my attorney immediately and see if anything does have to be issued through the court and then I would immediately do whatever it was. You do not want her to hurt your MIL but I would offer a supervised visit that had to be set up at least a week in advance. As was mentioned if the daughter wants nothing more than to hurt her Mom, she will not be interested in showing up for a SUPERVISED VISIT.

ACT QUICKLY.

Please, everybody, can we try to assume that the other people on this site have good intentions?

People ask for help and others try to help them. Sometimes a question or answer might "sound" critical or crabby or selfish or whiny, but can we give everybody the benefit of the doubt?

Dear LucyPhinn: My apologies if you were offended by my post addressing LMDLLM. 3 other people marked it as helpful, and the last sentence of the post clearly showed that it was intended to be supportive and not critical. I would not presume to be the 'boss of this site'. When we answer questions, we are supposed to stay on topic (site rules, not mine). It is true that in the course of our contributing comments we often share our experiences or pose questions in the same vein, that get answered along with the questions of the original poster. If we start posing completely different issues, advice can get scrambled very quickly, and then the original poster ends up short-changed. I hope I have clarified things for you.

Hey OrangeBlossom, folks can post as they like and as questions arise. Please stop being bossy and telling folks how to post. You are not the boss of the site, please let folks have the freedom to do as they please -- If that bothers you, ignore the posts and stop being so bossy.

I'm with those that say allow supervised visits, but not more. MIL needs you to protect her from this known financial predator. You might also try to get to know the daughter better during supervised visits and can better judge if she is a danger to MIL or not at this point. Good Luck!.

BTW...what does the M stand for in MPOA?

You can have her stop visiting due to the situation or have her be supervised when she does visit. You can talk with the lawyer and advise on the nature of things I'm sure there shouldn't be a problem. However I am just wondering when everthing is said and done, how are you going to feel about your decision? I know that she has a substance abuse problem and would think nothing about taking advantage of your MIL, but this is where empathy comes into play. If it were your mother and you were not allowed and she passed away how angry and hurt would you be? Even with the substance abuse she still has feelings and somewhere in there I'm sure she truely loves her mother. Just something to think over. When we act out of harshness sometimes the consequences are even harsher. Good luck whatever you decide.

You would need an Order of Protection to keep her away. If the thefts were reported to police, this will be fairly simple. If they were not reported, there is no proof, and she is innocent until proven guilty. Nursing homes will not take sides, too many are unjustly accused.

Do check the law in your state because it possibly varies. POA's i dont believe have the power to withhold visitors per se unless there is a situation as you describe. I would follow the directive of the NH;l follow the directives of the NH if you want the power to keep certain individuals from psychologically harming the patient. Just do it!

I think KDCM1011's answer is very diplomatic. She is right-you are legally bound to protect the best interests of your MIL whether her daughter likes it or not. I am not sure about the accuracy of the NH advice that your have to get a court-ordered petition to supervise those visits, but most likely the NH has dealt with these issues before. If I were in your place, I would contact the lawyer who drew up the POA for you and proceed on the lawyer's advice. BTW, try not to leave any money (and definitely no jewelry with your MIL (the max I allow my Mom to keep on hand is 5 singles as she likes to use the vending machine for snacks). In your situation, if your Mom wants/needs money, the admin office can keep any money you want to give her in her own little 'bank account' at the facility. This way, her daughter cannot coerce her Mom into 'loaning' her any money.

Dear LMDLLM: You have posed 3 questions in a row regarding your father's issues and not contributing to Maryrocha'a posted question. Please bundle your questions into a separate post that you can enter by clicking on the "Ask a Question" link located in the right hand column of the page. You will soon see it pop up under "Recent Community Activity" and then many of us will start focusing on your concerns as well. If you are new to this site, it can be tricky to navigate at first.

The admin said I have to go to court and get a petition to allow only certain days and times for my sil to see my mil. Is this true

I agree that if a short, supervised visit can be arranged, that might be the best thing. If the daughter is only interested in getting money for drugs, she won't be interested in a supervised visit where she isn't left alone with her father. If she genuinely wants to see him, she will come, if not, she won't.

My dad is 82 and on dialysis. She is his MPOA and wants him off. He says he wants to live and she wants to end it for him. Can she do this?

My dad’s wife is seriously harming him in the nursing home but they say she isn’t. She is POA and MPOA and won’t let me see him. Why isn’t she in jail?

If the reason is a valid one & her visiting would be unsafe for your MIL, then by all means don't let her visit. Perhaps a compromise would be a very short, supervised visit. You were entrusted with the responsibility of ensuring the safety and well-being of your MIL, which by your question it appears you are taking very very seriously. Not an easy responsibility to uphold, given the circumstances. good luck! Your MIL is counting on you to do what is best for her.

yes if you have poa and mpoa you get to say who sees her and who doesn't, hope this helps